I've been having some really interesting conversations lately, and it's got me wondering how far you would go to help out your fellow wo/man ...
So ... sharing ...
We all try to teach our kids to be good sharers - but how far does it extend - for them, and for you?
This is a super open discussion, with just a few things to get you thinking, and then (hopefully) sharing here, about your ideas! The below thoughts aren't intended as the start of a Q & A, I'm just really interested in what others' boundaries are, and why ... just something I've been thinking about lately.
* if your child is playing with a toy, and other toys are available, would you encourage your child to let the other kid play with the toy? or should the other child leave yours alone, and find something else themself? does it depend on whose house you are at?
* if your colleague forgets their lunch, would you offer to share yours? or offer to loan them some money?
* if a friend is in financial difficulty, so you offer help? what kind of help?
* what about family?
* how well would you need to know someone on bellybelly for you to be willing to offer assistance?
* do you give to people begging? buy the big issue? donate to charities?
* if you see a complete stranger in trouble (falling over on the street, fainting on the train, throwing up at the shops, whatever) do you help? do you call for help but not intervene personally?
* do you share/help out when you know it's not likely to be reciprocated (whether a repeat offender friend/relative, or someone you know isn't in a position to help out in return)?
* how personal does your sharing get? do/would you donate blood? plasma? bone marrow? a kidney? breastmilk? eggs? would you be a surrogate for someone? with these things, would you do it for an immediate family member? friend? acquaintence? stranger?
* do you give away goods that you would be happy to keep, because you think someone else needs/would appreciate them more?
* what do you expect of others? do those expectations change based on anything (wealth, time available, upbringing, etc?)
* how do you decide when to offer advice etc, and when to keep your thoughts to yourself?
* when you share in different ways, do you do it because you feel you should, or because you enjoy it, or because you think we all should, or other reasons?
* do you find sharing and generosity hard to talk about in general?
* what do you think the main influences on your views about all this to be? upbringing? spiritual beliefs and value system? your partner's views? what you want for your children?
share! I'm really intersted in how different people think differently about this topic ...
Generally, I only lend something if I would be happy not to get it back. Too often in the past I have lent things to people and they have not been returned or have been poorly looked after and returned in poor condition. My sister has had a huge influence on my attitude as she has always not returned the things I have lent her or she has simply not looked after them and often they are ruined.
If plenty of toys are available to play with, I would not expect a child to hand over a toy they were playing with simply because another child wanted it. I might suggest playing together with the toy or taking it in turns. If we have children coming over to the house I tell my own children to put away and 'special' toys they don't want to share and that everything else is to be shared with our guests. If we were visiting someone else's home and the child wanted a toy one of my kids was playing with a would probably tell my kids that they needed to give the toy back to the owner and play with another toy. Some kids just want whatever toy another kid looks to be having fun with and I find that very frustrating!
If a workmate forgets their lunch I offer to share my food if I have enough or I offer to loan them money to buy food. It depends somewhat on who it is as I work with someone different each time I work and obviously I feel more comfortable with some people than with others. I would be more inclined to share food with people I get along with and more likely to loan money to someone I don't know well. I would figure that if I got the money back (given that I might not see the person again for months) it would be a bonus, if not - well, I did something nice and bought someone lunch.
I generally don't offer money to friends in financial difficulty. I would be happy to help in other ways, such as assisting with the kids when they are working or paying for a meal or a movie, but if someone is struggling financially it will probably take more than the cost of lunch to help them out of that financial hole. I would not want to ruin a friendship by loaning money which may not be repaid and, quite frankly, I have my own bills to pay!
I don't give money to beggars, nor do I donate to door knockers or tin rattlers. I find both quite confronting and I find someone coming into my personal space, be it my home or on the street, somewhat offensive and often very pushy. I deal regularly with people suffering addictions to drugs and alcohol and I am not prepared to give my money to support either. Most of the people on the streets begging are struggling with addictions. I assist them regularly in my work and would assist anyone in distress in my own time, but I don't give cash. I have offered to buy a beggar a sandwich in the past and was declined not so politely. I donate regularly to charities of my own choosing and have researched which charities I personally believe are the most effective.
If I see someone in distress (fall over, faint...) I always assist. I do so partly because my job is to do so but mainly because I couldn't walk past someone in physical distress or danger and do nothing. If I saw someone emotionally distraught with no one supporting them I would ask if they were ok.
I donate blood, I would donate bone marrow (although I am not on the register), if I had enough BM I would donate that. My DS only has a single dodgy kidney so I would not donate one to anyone else... mine are banked for him. I would donate a kidney to my son without hesitation. If a member of my extended family needed a kidney, I'm not sure what I would do! Honestly, I struggle with my son's renal issues and to give my kidney to someone else would take away my comfort in the knowledge that I have a spare if his ever stops functioning. I could not donate my eggs. I think it's an incredibly selfless gift, but I think I would want the baby. I could use someone else's eggs and love the child as my own. I *think* I could surrogate for someone else as I would begin the process knowing that the baby was not mine, I would just be babysitting for nine months. Not sure... I would need to think more about it before actually committing. Again, what if I wanted the baby at the end?
I give away a lot of things I would be happy to keep if I think someone else would use it more than I do. I often clean out my wardrobe and donate clothes to charity that I figure I simply don't 'need' and someone else would be grateful for.
I offer my advice when it is asked for. Sometimes people just want to vent and not be told how to 'fix' things. If I give unsolicited advice I am generally very careful in the way that I word it so as not to be offensive.
When I give to friends and family, I do expect the giving to be returned. An example would be a particular friend whose child I looked after time and time again. I would have looked after her on about a hundred occasions. When I asked her to look after my DS ONCE, her response was 'no, it's not really convenient'. Not impossible, not difficult, just 'inconvenient'. I no longer look after her DS. I don't give because I expect to get something in return, I enjoy the feeling of giving, but I absolutely loathe being used. Giving should be a two way street and if one person is constantly giving and the other constantly taking the relationship is unbalanced.
I don't mind talking about sharing. I am also pretty comfortable these days saying 'no, sorry' if I feel like someone is asking too much, more than I am comfortable giving.
Oh... I hate sharing my books. I would rather give you my leg than lend you a book!!
* if your child is playing with a toy, and other toys are available, would you encourage your child to let the other kid play with the toy? or should the other child leave yours alone, and find something else themself? does it depend on whose house you are at? Only if the other child really wanted the toy my child had, i would say "so and so wants to play with that toy, did you want to find something else to play with?" But its not an issue yet for my DD she is really good with sharing.
* if your colleague forgets their lunch, would you offer to share yours? or offer to loan them some money? Definitely! I have given work mates a couple of dollars before to get something to eat.
* if a friend is in financial difficulty, so you offer help? what kind of help? Where i can i do, if i too am having issues i suggest other things for them but i have given friends $20-$50 before.
* what about family? Yep i often help my mum/brother out.
* how well would you need to know someone on bellybelly for you to be willing to offer assistance? I'd say pretty well but thats depending on their circumstance.
* do you give to people begging? buy the big issue? donate to charities? Nope not for beggers, i dont buy the big issue and i do donate to charities.
* if you see a complete stranger in trouble (falling over on the street, fainting on the train, throwing up at the shops, whatever) do you help? do you call for help but not intervene personally? I've fortunately never been in that situation, but i'd hope i would offer assistance.
* do you share/help out when you know it's not likely to be reciprocated (whether a repeat offender friend/relative, or someone you know isn't in a position to help out in return)? Depends how close they are, my family i ALWAYS offer assistance but a friend probably not.
* how personal does your sharing get? do/would you donate blood? plasma? bone marrow? a kidney? breastmilk? eggs? would you be a surrogate for someone? with these things, would you do it for an immediate family member? friend? acquaintence? stranger? There is nothing i wouldn't give to a family member or a close friend if they needed it.
* do you give away goods that you would be happy to keep, because you think someone else needs/would appreciate them more? Yep i've given away half my wardrobe to my SIL's and step MIL. And im about to give about 200 dvds to my mum and brother.
* what do you expect of others? do those expectations change based on anything (wealth, time available, upbringing, etc?) Nothing really, though if we are in a tight spot and we have in the past helped somebody out id like to think they would do the same but there isnt anybody i know who wouldnt drop everything to help us. DP's best mate drove all the way across town to get DP to bring him to our house to let me inside when i locked myself out.
* how do you decide when to offer advice etc, and when to keep your thoughts to yourself? I think it depends on the situation, when a friend is venting i listen but if they sound like or want advice i then offer it.
* when you share in different ways, do you do it because you feel you should, or because you enjoy it, or because you think we all should, or other reasons? No not really. I'm not sure i just know when to share and when its not really needed.
* do you find sharing and generosity hard to talk about in general? No not really.
* what do you think the main influences on your views about all this to be? upbringing? spiritual beliefs and value system? your partner's views? what you want for your children? Definitely my upbringing influence my views on everything, i'm very much like my mum we have the same beliefs and values. Our family and friends are our everything and there isnt anything we haven't done already or would do. I have put feelings aside to help a family member of DP out when they needed the help, unfortunately the help was appreciated and they say we didn't help them out enough but we did what we could. Would i do it again for them? No i wouldn't but then i am really not a horrible person. there really isn't anything i wouldn't do but i would also think whether they really need the help.
* if your child is playing with a toy, and other toys are available, would you encourage your child to let the other kid play with the toy? or should the other child leave yours alone, and find something else themself? does it depend on whose house you are at?
Always encourage sharing, let them take turns, with three kids they are all pretty good with it but if there are tantrums I distract them with other toys.
* if your colleague forgets their lunch, would you offer to share yours? or offer to loan them some money?
Offer to share, I always had a small stash of things at work.
* if a friend is in financial difficulty, so you offer help? what kind of help?
Cooking food, or a shoulder to lean on but never lend money to anyone.
* what about family?
Same as above my family are notorious for not giving it back, we have been burnt by this in the past. Would buy them things like food or clothes over lending cash.
* how well would you need to know someone on bellybelly for you to be willing to offer assistance?
Have helped a few bb members who I haven't met before irl.
* do you give to people begging? buy the big issue? donate to charities?
Don't give to beggars, had a lady open my car door a few weeks ago that scared me! Have bought the big issue in the past. Donate to children's hospital, guide dogs, breast cancer etc all the time.
* if you see a complete stranger in trouble (falling over on the street, fainting on the train, throwing up at the shops, whatever) do you help? do you call for help but not intervene personally?
Always stop and help, call for help. We always stop to help if we see an accident or someone broken down. Out 4wding we will help others if they are stuck. You never know when you might need help yourself.
* do you share/help out when you know it's not likely to be reciprocated (whether a repeat offender friend/relative, or someone you know isn't in a position to help out in return)?
With someone who isn't in a position to help in return always, but with repeat offenders who are capable of helping but won't not so much anymore, feels like we are always being called upon and when we ask it's always no.
* how personal does your sharing get? do/would you donate blood? plasma? bone marrow? a kidney? breastmilk? eggs? would you be a surrogate for someone? with these things, would you do it for an immediate family member? friend? acquaintence? stranger?
Used to donate blood all the time, I am on the donor list. Don't think I could donate eggs, bm not a problem these days after being on bb.
* do you give away goods that you would be happy to keep, because you think someone else needs/would appreciate them more?
No! Bit of a selfish one there, but I would be happy to buy them something if I could.
* what do you expect of others? do those expectations change based on anything (wealth, time available, upbringing, etc?)
I know which family members and friends I can go to, never expect things just because someone is well off. After a family tragedy this year were were surprised at the generosity of everyone.
* how do you decide when to offer advice etc, and when to keep your thoughts to yourself?
Trial and error I have put my foot in it plenty of times!
* when you share in different ways, do you do it because you feel you should, or because you enjoy it, or because you think we all should, or other reasons?
Because I enjoy it, and it was part of my upbringing although strangely my mum isn't one to share anything.
* do you find sharing and generosity hard to talk about in general?
No, especially with young kids we openly talk about it.
* what do you think the main influences on your views about all this to be? upbringing? spiritual beliefs and value system? your partner's views? what you want for your children?
As above it doesn't come from my mum, I think schooling and my nan were the biggest influences. Dh and I want to instill the same values to respect others and to share and help out when you can. I also believe in karma, you get what you give and what goes around comes around.
* if your child is playing with a toy, and other toys are available, would you encourage your child to let the other kid play with the toy? or should the other child leave yours alone, and find something else themself? does it depend on whose house you are at?
Doesn't bother me where we are - i will try and encourage all kidlets to share. If one child has a toy for ages, and another really wants to play with it, i'll talk to them. i'll offer an alternative, see if they can share. if someone takes something off another, i'll make them give it back - i don't believe in snatching etc. i think it's all about talking to them and treating them like little adults.
* if your colleague forgets their lunch, would you offer to share yours? or offer to loan them some money?
i do this all the time! we have something of a communal lunch thing happening most days. there is a stash of food that we all put into and can all take out of. i have loaned money before, with no expectation of it being returned, but my friends are a bit like me - they give it back - so we just have a change stash as well
* if a friend is in financial difficulty, so you offer help? what kind of help?
it depends on the type of financial difficulty. we don't have a lot of money spare (hell, we have nothing) each week, so i can't afford to give money away for long periods of time - but if i get paid tomorrow and someone needs something til they get paid next week, then i'll help out in a heartbeat. i actually had a bit of a "payday loan" thing happening for a while with a friend. it was only small amounts, but it meant she had the help and i had money the following week that i didn't have to remember to save. i will always offer a meal or cuppa to anyone. we have a very open house for things like that
* what about family?
some yes, some hell no! i've been burnt BIG TIME by members of my family. i did the "right" thing and paid for work to be done in advance - it never got done, and we had to fight damn hard to get the money back (and it took five years) - so i'm really not keen on helping that family out financially. we've also bent over backwards to help them with moving and stuff, and when we moved, they didn't even offer - so nope
* how well would you need to know someone on bellybelly for you to be willing to offer assistance?
i have helped BB peeps i barely know (with advice) - others i've helped with little things. some i've never met i deem to be close friends and would do almost anything for them. i have travelled interstate on holidays for the express purpose of meeting bb peeps. i've had people stay here, and have done pretty much all that is within my power to help them out
* do you give to people begging? buy the big issue? donate to charities?
i donate to charities regularly. have never come across anyone begging, but i'd be more likely to give them coffee or food than money (if i could afford it at the time).
we have essentially donated a house full of furniture to local charities in the past few years. there are three boxes of linen waiting to go now too.
* if you see a complete stranger in trouble (falling over on the street, fainting on the train, throwing up at the shops, whatever) do you help? do you call for help but not intervene personally?
i'll help if someone has fallen over - even if it's just to OFFER - some people are too proud to accept help. i'll also help if someone has a kidlet start to take off (it's amazing what stepping in the general path of a runaway will do to halt their progress and give mum time to catch up!).
* do you share/help out when you know it's not likely to be reciprocated (whether a repeat offender friend/relative, or someone you know isn't in a position to help out in return)?
repeat offender (constantly taking, no paying it forward or returning the help) - i tend to end up seeing them as a taker, and i just can't bring myself to do it any more for them. someone not in a position to return the favour is a whole different kettle of fish though! i don't help people with the expectation i get the same in return. appreciation of my effort, and one day doing something that IS in their abilities - even if it's paying it forward - i'm happy with that.
* how personal does your sharing get? do/would you donate blood? plasma? bone marrow? a kidney? breastmilk? eggs? would you be a surrogate for someone? with these things, would you do it for an immediate family member? friend? acquaintence? stranger?
i would donate blood etc if i was in a position to do it. unfortunately, i'm not. BM - in a heartbeat if someone needed it for their child.
given our assisted conception journey, i don't think egg donation or surrogacy would ever be an option - but if we'd been through IVF, finished our family, and had embryos in the freezer, we would have looked at donating them
* do you give away goods that you would be happy to keep, because you think someone else needs/would appreciate them more?
yes - quite often. as mentioned before, we gave away pretty much a (large) houseful of furniture after moving in together. we could have sold it at garage sale or ebay etc, but donated it to a local charity that helps women escaping DV situations
* what do you expect of others? do those expectations change based on anything (wealth, time available, upbringing, etc?)
all i ask is for the effort to be recognised, and when they can, the people we have helped turn around and help (either us, or someone else) to whatever degree they can. i don't expect a single mum to be able to chip in and help someone to the same degree DH and I help between us - but i would hope she puts in whatever effort she can, at some point, to help someone
* how do you decide when to offer advice etc, and when to keep your thoughts to yourself?
sometimes you just know it's not welcome, sometimes people ask directly, and sometimes you hedge your bets! i always offer advice with a "this is what worked for us, maybe it will work for you, but ignore it if it won't" kind of attitude
* when you share in different ways, do you do it because you feel you should, or because you enjoy it, or because you think we all should, or other reasons?
i suffer depression. i find helping others takes me out of the negative head space that goes with the depression - so in some ways, it's selfish of me to offer to help! but it is mutually beneficial. i don't help out of any sense of obligation
i think, if we have the ability to help someone in need, then maybe we should. we all live in such "isolation" now - where we're too afraid to ask for help, and too afraid to offer in case we step on toes. we live side by side, but mostly we don't "impinge" on anyone near us. i think it's important to encourage the idea of community/village. it doesn't take much to offer help, it's really not a big imposition to help and realise you've made a difference to someone. it is really damn hard to ask for help though, especially if you've been shot down (see the family comment!), so i think people need to make the offer more. you won't always be taken up on it, but knowing that someone cares enough to offer is a huge help
* do you find sharing and generosity hard to talk about in general?
i don't like people to make a big deal of any help i give. it's nice to be appreciated, but i don't do anything for the kudos. i do it because it's within my ability, and it helps them out. i find i get embarrassed very easily if someone makes a big deal of an effort that has been made. i can talk in general terms about things, but when specific efforts are highlighted, it can make the person that has made the effort really uncomfortable. or maybe that's just me.
* what do you think the main influences on your views about all this to be? upbringing? spiritual beliefs and value system? your partner's views? what you want for your children?
i think a big part of the way i feel is that i was brought up in an environment of "if you CAN help, you DO". DH is very much the same. far too many people now just aren't like that - and we want our DD to be raised to value community/village, and to step outside herself to help others where she can.
if your child is playing with a toy, and other toys are available, would you encourage your child to let the other kid play with the toy? or should the other child leave yours alone, and find something else themself? does it depend on whose house you are at? It depends. If the other child really wanted to play with the toy, I'd encourage DD to let them have a turn with it. But if she then handed that toy over and went to play with something else, and the other kid then wanted what DD was now playing with, I'd probably encourage the other child to play with something else.
* if your colleague forgets their lunch, would you offer to share yours? or offer to loan them some money? Yes, always.
* if a friend is in financial difficulty, so you offer help? what kind of help? We're not in a financial position to lend money, but I'd see if we could have them over for dinner, or something like that. I guess it depends on the situation.
* what about family? Same as above.
* how well would you need to know someone on bellybelly for you to be willing to offer assistance? Not very well it seems! We'd met MummyNaomi once (but I'd chatted to her LOTS and would consider her one of my closest friends) when we offered her family a place to stay at our house when their accommodation didn't work out. I've also made meals for two BB members, one of which I have on FB, but neither of them I'd met before.
* do you give to people begging? buy the big issue? donate to charities? I don't give to beggers. I used to get hassled by the same person daily when I worked in the city and he had better clothes than I did. My stepdad offered to buy a beggar a meal once and he refused the food, demanding money instead. Both instances have turned me right off. I'm happy to donate goods (like for the bushfires, etc - we donated books and bed sheets). We give to the RCH Good Friday Appeal, and DH donates his time to CFA.
* if you see a complete stranger in trouble (falling over on the street, fainting on the train, throwing up at the shops, whatever) do you help? do you call for help but not intervene personally? Yes. We came across a car a long time ago with a pipe coming out from the exhaust pipe. She was parked in a park and I made DH turn around. I was pretty freaked out, not sure how far she'd gotten, but she was still okay, hadn't turned on the car. I called the ambos while DH tried to talk to her. I'd hope that if I was in some sort of trouble, someone would help me.
* do you share/help out when you know it's not likely to be reciprocated (whether a repeat offender friend/relative, or someone you know isn't in a position to help out in return)? Yes. Repeat offender. It gets on my nerves, but I still do it. And they're in a position to return the favour, but they don't.
* how personal does your sharing get? do/would you donate blood? plasma? bone marrow? a kidney? breastmilk? eggs? would you be a surrogate for someone? with these things, would you do it for an immediate family member? friend? acquaintence? stranger? Tricky. For an immediate family member, or a close friend, I don't think I'd think twice. But I'm not sure about being a surrogate. I'm not convinced my body is the best to hang on to a baby, so I wouldn't want to add to the heartbreak.
* do you give away goods that you would be happy to keep, because you think someone else needs/would appreciate them more? I have previously (sheets, etc during the bushfires). Meals.
* what do you expect of others? do those expectations change based on anything (wealth, time available, upbringing, etc?) I would hope that if an act of kindness is given to them, then they would pay it forward to someone else who may be in need. If everyone did just one act of kindness to someone, then a little more happiness might filter through the world. It depressing enough to feel lonely, but when someone is there for you, makes you feel like a million dollars.
* how do you decide when to offer advice etc, and when to keep your thoughts to yourself? By judging the situation. Deciding if someone is having a vent, or looking for genuine help or answers. I don't try to give advice or suggestions to things I know nothing about, but if I'd experienced something in regards to what that person is going through, and they're looking for ways to get through it, or a different way to go about it, then I might offer my advice. But nobody has to take it!
* when you share in different ways, do you do it because you feel you should, or because you enjoy it, or because you think we all should, or other reasons? Sometimes I just want to. I love having people for dinner and sharing a meal with them. Love watching a movie with friends. Other times, I do it because I'm asked (the "Bring a plate" scenario). But saying that, like I said before, an act of kindness goes a long way. I only stop wanting to share when it is expected or demanded.
* do you find sharing and generosity hard to talk about in general? Nope. But it isn't something that usually comes up in general conversation, unless it's about teaching kids to share.
* what do you think the main influences on your views about all this to be? upbringing? spiritual beliefs and value system? your partner's views? what you want for your children? I've watched my parents over the years. They love having people around, sometimes up to 20 at a time, feeding them all, having a good night. Very rarely are they invited back to anyone's house for them to return the favour. I have learned not to expect anything. Anything that comes your way is a surprise and a delight. And I mean that in a broad sense - from someone just popping in to say hi, unexpectedly (I LOVE that!), to someone picking flowers from their garden for you. I guess you learn by example. I hope DD learns from watching us. From seeing us have a good time with friends and family. From watching me make a meal that we aren't going it eat, or drive someone somewhere because they need a lift. Life is too short. DH is the same. He enjoys helping people through the CFA, finds it really rewarding.
I think I've learned that you treat people how you wish to be treated. If you continually take from people and give nothing back, eventually people will stop associating with you. It doesn't take much to give back. Could be a simple phone call to say hey, thinking of you. I don't do things because I expect or want anything in return. I guess I do it for a bit of positivity in my life, a little bit of good karma.
Great thread Peanutter! I know you didn't want to make a it a Q&A but you raised so many interesting considerations I wanted to make sure I thought about them all... So here's my take on sharing...
* if your child is playing with a toy, and other toys are available, would you encourage your child to let the other kid play with the toy? or should the other child leave yours alone, and find something else themself? does it depend on whose house you are at?
I'd encourage DS to share the toy with the other child, probably try distraction, but if he is really into it and he had it first then I would then try and engage the other child in something else.
* if your colleague forgets their lunch, would you offer to share yours? or offer to loan them some money?
I'd definately offer to lend them some money. I'm a middle child so not very good at sharing my food LOL!
* if a friend is in financial difficulty, so you offer help? what kind of help?
I would offer emotional support, advice, money making / saving ideas, and help out with babysitting or whatever I could if appropriate. But I wouldn't offer to lend them money (I've been burnt before). If they asked to borrow money, that could be different, but it would be on a case by case basis.
* what about family?
Same as for a friend. In my book friends are family.
* how well would you need to know someone on bellybelly for you to be willing to offer assistance?
Depends on the kind of assistance. In a couple of recent instances I've donated money to help out other BB members who are doing it tough. In terms of personal/emotional support outside of the BB arena, I would have to know them very well. I guess what holds me back is I worry about being perceived as meddling or interfering when it may not be my place.
* do you give to people begging? buy the big issue? donate to charities?
As a rule I don't give money to beggers. Usually they ask for money for food, when they do this I offer to go and buy them a meal then and there. Even though DH and I have done this on countless occassions, we've only been taken up on the offer once. We do donate to charities on an adhoc basis and where there is a crisis (bush fires, flooding, tsunami, earth quake etc). Generally though, I prefer to do things in my own communities, like helping BB members out when things are tough, or generously supporting our Child Care Centres fundraising efforts (they only support one local charity).
* if you see a complete stranger in trouble (falling over on the street, fainting on the train, throwing up at the shops, whatever) do you help? do you call for help but not intervene personally?
Yes. However, if that person appears to be affected by drugs or intoxicated then I wouldn't intervene personally.
* do you share/help out when you know it's not likely to be reciprocated (whether a repeat offender friend/relative, or someone you know isn't in a position to help out in return)?
If it's the case of the person not being able to reciprocate for whatever reason, then yes. But if it simply a case of someone who is all take and no give, then no.
* how personal does your sharing get? do/would you donate blood? plasma? bone marrow? a kidney? breastmilk? eggs? would you be a surrogate for someone? with these things, would you do it for an immediate family member? friend? acquaintence? stranger?
In terms of donating to anyone and everyone, I would happily donate BM. Organs and blood marrow etc, I think I would donate to a family member or friend and probably even an acquaintence. But in terms of just donating, I'm afraid I'm not that generous.
* do you give away goods that you would be happy to keep, because you think someone else needs/would appreciate them more?
Not really. I might have done this with friends, but I would be unlikely to donate something I wanted to keep to charity.
* what do you expect of others? do those expectations change based on anything (wealth, time available, upbringing, etc?)
I'm a big believer in 'do on to others as you would have done on to you' and also the ideal of 'give and take'. I think I make exceptions for people based upon circumstances, but only some circumstances - eg someone who is pressed for time because they are raising a family vs someone who is pressed for time because they are too busy going out and socialising all the time etc. I guess I expect everyone to contribute to their community in some way, shape of form. I guess I don't really respect those who choose not to, or choose to make their life all about themself and their needs.
* how do you decide when to offer advice etc, and when to keep your thoughts to yourself?
Depends on the area, how well I know that person and how I expect that advice to be received. I am very conscious of not coming across as a 'know-it-all' so often hold back.
* when you share in different ways, do you do it because you feel you should, or because you enjoy it, or because you think we all should, or other reasons?
Generally it's because I think we all should, but sometimes it is because I feel I should.
* do you find sharing and generosity hard to talk about in general?
With people who share my sense of community - no. With people who are self centred and all about them - yes.
Mind you I have found that answering these questions is requiring me to divulge some quite personal aspects of myself. I don't think I've ever discussed this in this much depth.
* what do you think the main influences on your views about all this to be? upbringing? spiritual beliefs and value system? your partner's views? what you want for your children?
Probably my upbringing. But I also think a big part of it is that notion of 'give and take'. I'd like to think that if I was in trouble there would be others there to help me out, so I make sure I do the same in return IYKWIM? Gee that sounds a bit selfish doesn't it?
* if your child is playing with a toy, and other toys are available, would you encourage your child to let the other kid play with the toy? or should the other child leave yours alone, and find something else themself? does it depend on whose house you are at? I always encourage my children to share. If another child showed interest in something my child had, I would encourage my child to let the other child play with it and help my child to find a new toy. However, if the child decides he or she wants the next toy my child is playing with I then would encourage the child to resume playing with the original toy.
* if your colleague forgets their lunch, would you offer to share yours? or offer to loan them some money? Definitely! I have shared lunches and given money to work colleagues numerous times when I was working. I even now often send morning tea in with my husband for him & his work mates.
* if a friend is in financial difficulty, so you offer help? what kind of help? I always help out as much as possible. I have let friends borrow hundreds of dollars for bond for a house, money for fuel, food etc. I have only had one person take a long time to repay a small amount, but it wasn't a huge issue. She paid when she was able.
* what about family? Always, no questions.
* how well would you need to know someone on bellybelly for you to be willing to offer assistance? I don't need to know them well at all. If I see someone with a genuine need, or if there is something I can do to help them out, I will. I have RAKed a few members that I have barely even known.
* do you give to people begging? buy the big issue? donate to charities? Yep, I give to beggers. Yes, I give to buskers too. I don't know what the big issue is, so no to that and I donate to numerous charities.
* if you see a complete stranger in trouble (falling over on the street, fainting on the train, throwing up at the shops, whatever) do you help? do you call for help but not intervene personally? I do help out when I am certain there is no real danger to me. I have actually intervened in an attempted rape when I was 7 months pregnant. It was one of the scariest things I have ever seen but I knew I had to do something to stop this woman from being raped. When the attacker fled, I helped her up and looked after her until the Police & her husband arrived. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.
* do you share/help out when you know it's not likely to be reciprocated (whether a repeat offender friend/relative, or someone you know isn't in a position to help out in return)? Yes. I don't help someone just to expect something in return.
* how personal does your sharing get? do/would you donate blood? plasma? bone marrow? a kidney? breastmilk? eggs? would you be a surrogate for someone? with these things, would you do it for an immediate family member? friend? acquaintence? stranger? I've donated blood, plasma, breast milk and have considered donating eggs. I would be a surrogate for someone in my family.
* do you give away goods that you would be happy to keep, because you think someone else needs/would appreciate them more? Yes, most definitely.
* what do you expect of others? do those expectations change based on anything (wealth, time available, upbringing, etc?) I don't expect anything from others. If someone offered to help, I would still be hesitant to take them up on their offer. Not sure why though, it is just how I am.
* how do you decide when to offer advice etc, and when to keep your thoughts to yourself? It depends on the person. If I know them well enough and they know how I am, I will give them my absolute, honest opinion. If is someone who doesn't know me too well, I will give them the mild version of my honesty - being honest though but more gentle! lol
* when you share in different ways, do you do it because you feel you should, or because you enjoy it, or because you think we all should, or other reasons? I don't know why I do it. Obviously partly because I like to help people but also partly because I feel very blessed to have the life I have right now, and if I can help someone with something that won't be putting me out at all, I do so in a heartbeat. If it is going to put me or my family out, I will think about what I can do to help and still help when & where I can.
* do you find sharing and generosity hard to talk about in general? Sometimes.
* what do you think the main influences on your views about all this to be? upbringing? spiritual beliefs and value system? your partner's views? what you want for your children? Definitely my upbringing. My mum was always helping people when I was growing up. We lived across the road from a park where numerous homeless people would gather. I remember my Mum making a roast dinner and taking it over to them. She would often take them thermoses of coffee and freshly baked cakes & slices. My Mum would give people her last dollar if they needed it. I am so lucky that my husband is exactly like me and would give most anything to help someone in need. He gets that from his mum who was also very giving. I know my older 2 kids are already more than willing to help out people whenever they can. My daughter recently went without lunch because she used her lunch money to pay for her friends sport. I hope they help people whnever they can.
I believe in generosity, and try to live by that. I would intervene if a stranger was in trouble, and have before. I would buy a colleague lunch if they had none. I would share my money with a friend/ family member in need. I'm not in a position to do.that these days, but have done in the.past. I loan personal items to friends a lot. DVDS, etc. A friend has loaned me his car when ours was being repaired. So I have given, and taken when needed.
I would donate my eggs, or be a surrogate. Or both. I can't (won't donate blood, because I'm afraid of.needles.) I do have some guilt over this after receiving lifesaving transfusions post partum, 5 bags in total. I have extended offers of assistance to BB members. I don't have to know them well, or at all to want to help.
It's interesting you ask why our beliefs are what they are. I was raised.to be selfish. I was raised to be suspicious of everyone, and never to give anything to anyone or they would rip me.off or destroy whatever I loaned them. Iwas actually discouraged on many occasions when I wanted to let a friend borrow something of mine. My mum is paranoid. She taught me that everyone is out to get me. She taught me.wrong. It didn't take me long to realise that what we fear, we create. Once I opened my heart, my home, (and sometimes my wallet) to.those in need, I was richly rewarded. I decided years ago that I wouldn't allow fear to guide me any.longer. And I wouldn't let mistrust and suspicion creep in to my relationships, unless warranted.
Yes, sometimes I get burned or taken advantage of. But I refuse.to let that negatively impact the person I am. In a world where everyone's in it for themselves, I take pride and pleasure in being that golden ray of light in a stranger/ friends day. When I extend a helping hand to those in need, it lifts my.spirit.
* if your child is playing with a toy, and other toys are available, would you encourage your child to let the other kid play with the toy? or should the other child leave yours alone, and find something else themself? does it depend on whose house you are at? I would encourage my child to share, so to have a play with the toy and then pass it on and find something else.
* if your colleague forgets their lunch, would you offer to share yours? or offer to loan them some money? Yes
* if a friend is in financial difficulty, so you offer help? what kind of help? I am in no position to offer financial help, but if I was I would lend money.
* what about family? As a general rule I wouldn't lend money to family. Of course there are exceptions.
* how well would you need to know someone on bellybelly for you to be willing to offer assistance? Not at all, if someone needs things that I have (like kids clothing) then I would do all I could to help.
* do you give to people begging? buy the big issue? donate to charities? All of the above
* if you see a complete stranger in trouble (falling over on the street, fainting on the train, throwing up at the shops, whatever) do you help? do you call for help but not intervene personally? I personally help
* do you share/help out when you know it's not likely to be reciprocated (whether a repeat offender friend/relative, or someone you know isn't in a position to help out in return)? Yes
* how personal does your sharing get? do/would you donate blood? plasma? bone marrow? a kidney? breastmilk? eggs? would you be a surrogate for someone? with these things, would you do it for an immediate family member? friend? acquaintence? stranger? I would donate anything except eggs. The exception would be if my brother wanted a child with his partner, so my egg and his partner's sperm. They would need to find their own surrogate though. I couldn't surrogate, my body is in no shape after my last pregnancy.
* do you give away goods that you would be happy to keep, because you think someone else needs/would appreciate them more? yes
* what do you expect of others? do those expectations change based on anything (wealth, time available, upbringing, etc?) I expect very little of people, although I do expect my wishes to be taken into account regarding presents. I don't need stuff, much as I would like it, so if people are insistent on giving me gifts I would prefer them to be donations to charity.
* how do you decide when to offer advice etc, and when to keep your thoughts to yourself? I am a bigmouth, I find it hard not offering advice if I think it could help so I almost always do.
* when you share in different ways, do you do it because you feel you should, or because you enjoy it, or because you think we all should, or other reasons? I think we should treat people the way we would like to be treated. If everyone shared with those who needed it the world would be a much nicer place.
* do you find sharing and generosity hard to talk about in general? not really
* what do you think the main influences on your views about all this to be? upbringing? spiritual beliefs and value system? your partner's views? what you want for your children? I think my Christian beliefs have shaped my views, but also I see so many people giving everything they can of themselves and I am inspired by people like that.
[B]* if your child is playing with a toy, and other toys are available, would you encourage your child to let the other kid play with the toy? or should the other child leave yours alone, and find something else themself?
I always tell my kids that they have 2 more minutes, and then they have to hand it over. Generally my girls are very good at sharing, taking turns on the slide at the park etc.
* if your colleague forgets their lunch, would you offer to share yours? or offer to loan them some money?
Definitely
* if a friend is in financial difficulty, so you offer help? what kind of help?
For me it would depend on why they were in financial difficulty. Judgmental maybe, but my dearest friend in the world developed a drug problem and there is no way I would lend her money
* what about family?
Without a second thought
* how well would you need to know someone on bellybelly for you to be willing to offer assistance?
It would be enough for me if they had been around long enough to be a "genuine" member - then I would do anything I could.
* do you give to people begging? buy the big issue? donate to charities?
Not beggars, nor buy the big issue. I donate to specific charities only
* if you see a complete stranger in trouble (falling over on the street, fainting on the train, throwing up at the shops, whatever) do you help? do you call for help but not intervene personally?
It depends on whether or not I have my children with me, and what is wrong with the person. An old lady fell over in front of us at the shops and we stopped to personally help her without a thought. Driving home at night a couple of years ago from my folks' place at night by myself with the two girls in the car and there was a guy covered with blood and staggering in the street. I stopped about 50 metres from him, put my hazard lights on and called the police and an ambulance. I had no idea why he was in that condition, and I considered my children's safety more important than his. The police did a follow up with me and it turned out he had just attacked his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend while on meth.
* do you share/help out when you know it's not likely to be reciprocated (whether a repeat offender friend/relative, or someone you know isn't in a position to help out in return)?
Yes
* how personal does your sharing get? do/would you donate blood? plasma? bone marrow? a kidney? breastmilk? eggs? would you be a surrogate for someone? with these things, would you do it for an immediate family member? friend? acquaintence? stranger?
I couldn't be a surrogate. Despite my age, I don't "do" pregnancy very well and it has an enormous impact on my family. I can't donate blood after having severe hepatitis. I would donate plasma, bone marrow or breastmilk to anyone. Something like a kidney that I only have a finite number of I would only donate to my husband or children.
* do you give away goods that you would be happy to keep, because you think someone else needs/would appreciate them more?
yes. I'm probably stupid in that a lot of stuff I give away I could sell on ebay, but I'd rather just donate and think its gone somewhere worthwhile.
* what do you expect of others? do those expectations change based on anything (wealth, time available, upbringing, etc?)
I don't expect anything from anyone else, except emotional support from my DH and my parents. I'm very bad at asking for help in any way.
* how do you decide when to offer advice etc, and when to keep your thoughts to yourself?
Depends on the person. If its more of an acquaintance, then I generally am pretty non-committal about things. If its someone I genuinely care about I offer advice, exception being when you know your beliefs differ radically from theirs - eg parenting techniques. Then I offer advice only if asked.
* when you share in different ways, do you do it because you feel you should, or because you enjoy it, or because you think we all should, or other reasons?
I like making things easier for those around me and hate seeing people struggle or being unhappy. My life used to be substantially tougher than it is now, and I think now that I am in a much better place its what I should do.
* do you find sharing and generosity hard to talk about in general?
No
* what do you think the main influences on your views about all this to be? upbringing? spiritual beliefs and value system? your partner's views? what you want for your children?
I'm not religious but live by basic Christian values. I also like to think that my mother raised me with a good moral compass and its something I want to repeat with my children. I think its easy to lose track of how good we have life in Australia and often things are taken for granted. I think the whole "bigger better more" mentality that is pushed on us through the media is damaging.
* if your child is playing with a toy, and other toys are available, would you encourage your child to let the other kid play with the toy? or should the other child leave yours alone, and find something else themself? does it depend on whose house you are at?
I encourage her to share.
* if your colleague forgets their lunch, would you offer to share yours? or offer to loan them some money?
both - not everyone likes what I eat
* if a friend is in financial difficulty, so you offer help? what kind of help?
To be honest, it depends on how good a friend it is. My closest friends I'll offer $, goods, groceries - whatever I can. Not so close friends, I would show up with cooked meals or a box of groceries.
* what about family?
In the past I have with my sister but it got to a point where she pretty much expected us to pay everything for her - even when she had money. She became careless with her money because she felt we'd always step in. Now I'd help everyone in my family EXCEPT my siblings.
* how well would you need to know someone on bellybelly for you to be willing to offer assistance?
n the past I have offered assistance to members I'd never spoken with previously. I think it would depend on the kind of assistance they needed and what I was personally able to offer.
* do you give to people begging? buy the big issue? donate to charities?
Yes, Yes, and Yes
* if you see a complete stranger in trouble (falling over on the street, fainting on the train, throwing up at the shops, whatever) do you help? do you call for help but not intervene personally?
Always help if I feel it is safe to do so. The first step of DRABC is Danger - if the danger to me is too great, I will assist in whatever way is safest. You never know when it will be you or someone you love that needs that help.
* do you share/help out when you know it's not likely to be reciprocated (whether a repeat offender friend/relative, or someone you know isn't in a position to help out in return)?
Yes.
* how personal does your sharing get? do/would you donate blood? plasma? bone marrow? a kidney? breastmilk? eggs? would you be a surrogate for someone? with these things, would you do it for an immediate family member? friend? acquaintence? stranger?
I'd donate blood if I knew I was getting a good technician - I have shocking veins! Bone marrow - for a loved one in a heart beat. Kidney - I was ear marked to donate a kidney to my sister when I was 16 but she miraculously didn't need it any longer. I'd give an organ to a love one whilst living or to anyone when I'm dead...except my eyes. Breastmilk - first I'd have to be able to produce some! And only if my child had enough first. Eggs - no. Surrogate no. Pregnancy with my back is going to be brutal and it's taken me a long time to pluck up the courage to try for us to extend our family. No way will I risk my back for someone else. Selfish of me? Yes.
* do you give away goods that you would be happy to keep, because you think someone else needs/would appreciate them more?
Yup
* what do you expect of others? do those expectations change based on anything (wealth, time available, upbringing, etc?)
I've learnt not to expect anything from anyone.
* how do you decide when to offer advice etc, and when to keep your thoughts to yourself?
offer if asked. Usually.
* when you share in different ways, do you do it because you feel you should, or because you enjoy it, or because you think we all should, or other reasons?
All of the above. It depends on the circumstances/situation.
* do you find sharing and generosity hard to talk about in general?
Nope. Unless someone has done something for me and then I get very embarrased. I'm good at giving but not at taking.
* what do you think the main influences on your views about all this to be? upbringing? spiritual beliefs and value system? your partner's views? what you want for your children?
Upbringing for sure. Also what I want for my DD. I'm also very community minded. I believe that we tend to take a lot from our communities but few ever put back into it. I like to put back. After all, if I keep taking money out of my bank account without replacing it - I'll be bankrupt pretty quickly! Although my influences are also selfish - I enjoy giving and sharing. It makes me feel lighter and better about myself - not in an "I'm better than you" way but a "Look, I managed to bring a smile to their face" or "I've managed to ease their burden just a little".
Realised I never actually answered these things muself ...
I find the kids-and-toys thing depends on what the toy is, and how invovled my DS (or the other child) is when playing with it. He isn't overly possessive, so most of the time unless there's a particularly difficult child taking things from him, he'll happily entertain himself doing something else. A friend's child though has one particular toy he's rather obsessed with, and so if someone else takes it from him, his parents swoop in. Other things he has to share, though.
Food is a little different, and as generally there's enough to go around, if one guest isn't sharing much, we'll just put more out. We don't give them anything we're not happy for them to eat a fair bit of, so if they're hungry enough to need more, we let them have it.
I will happily share things with colleagues and friends, though we don't really lend money anymore, having had a few awkward scenarios. If we can and are happy to give it, we will, but we won't often lend anymore. But lending things, helping out time and energy wise, emotional support, we're pretty easy going, and we find that more often than not, it's reciprocated, or it's something we're willing to do anyway, because it's the right thing.
I tend not to give to people collecting money. We give very intentionally, and very privately. So when raffles come around or people doing races/rides/sleep outs/famines etc we either support that person or not, rather than that charity or not. If we want to donate to cancer research or an aid organisation or a Bible translation group or whatever, we'll do it privately, and not because someone's come to our door or is on the corner.
I've caught the train to school then uni then work for the past 21 years, and so I've seen lots of things on the train! I've quite happily given people tissues or water got off the train with them and waited for assistance, and I've had both extremes on the other side. I've had a blood nose on the train and a school kid I'd never met took me back to her place and helped me get cleaned up (I'm lucky I didn't end up in the slave trade, I know... ) and back on my way, and I had another time when while heavily pregnant I fell over and got cuts all up my arm and leg, and no one helped me at all, and I ended up crying and mopping up blood and picking gravel out of my arm for the full 60 minute train ride ... I wish someone a little more generous had been there that day ...
With repeat offenders, I protect myself. Like with lending/giving money - we'll decide whether we're happy to do whatever it is, on the assumption it's not coming back ... so in some small things, we'll still do it (like the person who never buys you a birthday present even though you get them one every year, or the person who never offers to pay for dinner, or never brings a drink to the party, or whatever) and in some larger things, we don't. It depends on the friendship, and whethe the non-reciprocation is due to lack of effort, forgetfulness, lack of time/money, or due to their being a sucky friend.
I will donate blood when I have time and energy. At the moment, I *could* donate blood because I tick all the boxes, but I've been really tired with my little men and a lot of work, so I think it would be silly to donate. I need all the iron I can get !! But when things settle down a bit, I will happily continue donating blood. Chances are I'll need blood some day, and I want to do for others what I hope they will one day do for me. I don't donate plasma, because it just takes too long, and adding another task like that into my rather hectic schedule isn't realistic. If I had more time, I probably would, but it's not feasible for me any time soon. I'm on the marrow list. I have considered donating breastmilk but have come to the realisation that I cannot do it without feeling I am robbing my own children. I have a good supply, but not an oversupply, and anything I pump is for them. My kidneys are also mine, and would only ever be available for my DH or DSs. I could never give it to someone else and then worry my children would need it. I just couldn't do it.
I have considered surrogacy previously, but after the completely crap pregnancies and birth experiences I have had, I would have to really, really weigh it up. I could imagine doing it for my sister, if that was her only realistic prospect of being able to gestate a child, but that would be about it.
Expectations is something I struggle with, and I fluctuate from not expecting anything at all from others, through to not understanding why not everyone feels the way I do about these sorts of things.
I find it extremely challenging - but a huge opportunity for growth. Thus the benefit of reading others' opinions here!!
My opinions and positions are based on how I grew up - the bits I love and want to keep, and the bits I disagree with, and so have intentionally swung away from. I try to bring my kids up this way - taking what is good, and assessing everything, to come to your own decisions and values. And values can change, when we learn and understand more. I believe that everything we have, from our stuff to our talent to our wisdom comes from God, and we're stewards of it ... everything is on loan, and none of it is really ours. Even if we worked hard for it, I believe our talents and passions and drive are all gifts too, and come together as part of the "stuff" we've inherited. So even if we've been through a lot to get somewhere, and have worked really hard (compared to someone who sat around and did nothing) I still feel that pull of stewardship and accountability - and that we then each make our own choices about what to do with what we've got.
I don't think it's black and whilte in terms of what is right and wrong.
I think we all do the best we can with what we know and what we've got.
I like sharing, it makes the world a better place. I'll lend stuff friends, although only stuff I don't mind replacing/not having until I know they're trustworthy borrowers. I'll happily give food/small amounts of money/tissues/water to people who need it. I've been in that place myself (10p short of the bus fare etc) and it is nice to have friendly strangers. I will also talk to strangers on public transport - I'm not going anywhere else and quite often it's the only human contact some people have, especially when I was living in London. So much as it wasn't my day's highlight, it may well have been theirs.
I no longer give blood after someone calling and asking me to donate told me that I should come off my meds to donate - when I explained what my meds were for, the guy reckoned I should come off meds, give blood and have fits/lose vision etc. So I no longer give blood: sorry, but the health of any donor is more important than getting your hands on their blood. And also - "no, not donating at the moment" shouldn't be agressively questioned either! But I'm still on the bone marrow donor list and organ donor list for when I die. I would happily donate BM and feed another child - but not necessarily accept the same for my children, just due to the restrictive diet (no chocolate!). I would happily be a surrogate - although not right now as I'd like to TTC pretty soon. But I loved pregnancy and would happily surrogate. I'd like to do it for someone I knew and loved over a stranger just because I would like to know the parenting philosophy. And I'd like some kind of "special aunt" status in that child's life - just in terms of I get to buy great presents and maybe get to babysit a bit more than the other aunts, but not in an "I have a big role in raising your child" way. (FWIW, I can rock that role. My godson is still convinced I'm a fairy.)
Children and toys - I tell Liebling if a toy is in the public arena, he shares it. If he can't share, he doesn't take the toy/have it out. Exceptions can be made for Herr Hare (the Austrian bunny) as it is his special snuggle toy.
My views are taken from life experiences - I have needed help and received it. I just wish everyone could have that in their lives, whether it's helping carry something for ten minutes, helping someone off the train, buying someone a needed coffee, giving time to chat... while I wouldn't throw good money after bad, people deserve a chance. If everyone thought like that, there would be fewer problems in the world.
Yes, I buy Big Issue and not just because I think it helps people to get back on their feet with dignity but because it is actually one of the few bastions of independent reporting. It is a great magazine and it costs no more than the crap like No Idea etc.
I also give money to beggars and I don't care if they spend it on drugs and alcohol. In their position I would want a bit of oblivion too.
I tend to help out strangers on the street but I don't offer twice. I'm not sure that I could respect anyone who could walk by a person who had fallen and not offer a hand. DS always stops for fallen beginners when we ski and gathers their equipment and offers helpful hints. Always gives me a warm inner glow and also a bit of a laugh because people often look a bit bewildered by a bossy 7 year old picking them up and telling them where they need to improve.
I would share my lunch with a colleague if there was no cafe nearby but I have a big appetite and a fast metabolism so I would prefer to give them money. In fact when it comes to charities and fundraising and the school P&C I much prefer to give money than time. I know that some people get a bit irritated with those of us who make a donation and cook the cake but won't man the cake stall but stuff costs money so I don't feel bad. Each to their own.
I would not donate an egg (even if I wasn't too old) to a stranger. Maybe my sister or a close friend. I would never, ever consider being a surrogate. Not for anyone. I hate being pregnant. My sister only has one kidney. If the other fails I would give her one of mine.
The blood bank doesn't want my blood. I think their reasoning is silly but so be it.
Handing over a toy..... depends. To a toddler who is likely to have a tantrum, yes. To another older child who can play with any of the other toys, no. Unless it is the best toy there or the only one of its kind then I would suggest taking turns or playing together.
We've made substantial loans to friends in difficulty and they have always paid us back. If someone still owed money I wouldn't make a second loan.
I tend not to offer advice unless I think someone is asking for it either directly or indirectly.
* No. Kids need to figure out sharing for themselves.
* Yeah, I'd probably offer to buy them lunch.
* I'd offer financial aid to friends or family in need, to the extent that I'm able to. Or I'd offer to help out in other ways. Depends on the situation. I think a gift that you don't expect back is better than a loan when dealing with friends and family - debt is messy.
* I've given to people of bb that I don't really know at all
* I have rarely come across beggars in Aus, but tend to hand over whatever I have in my pocket (if anything). We aim to donate about 2% of our gross income to charities each year.
* If I were on my own and felt I could be of assistance, then I probably would go to a stranger in trouble, or at least ask whether they needed help. Possibly not if I was with my kids - depending on the situation - then I'd be more likely to alert others.
* I think you either give or you do not. I don't factor the likelihood of reciprocation into my consideration.
* I used to be a regular blood donor but haven't done it for years. I must do it again. I would donate a kidney, or eggs to my sister or close relatives/friends, maybe....
* I would tend to keep things if they are of use to me.
* I give advice fairly freely, unless it's clear it's unwanted. I figure people can take it or leave it - I feel no obligation to follow other people's advice, and assume others feel the same about mine.
sharing ... how far would you go?
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) and back on my way, and I had another time when while heavily pregnant I fell over and got cuts all up my arm and leg, and no one helped me at all, and I ended up crying and mopping up blood and picking gravel out of my arm for the full 60 minute train ride ... I wish someone a little more generous had been there that day ... 
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