Hi everyone just looking for your opinions and personal experience. I have a 2.5 yr old DS, who talks from the moment he opens his little eyes until sleep and sometimes even in his sleep.
Originally I had always thought that I would never ask him to be quiet and answer every question he ever asks, im beginning to think this is quite unrealistic, on the other hand I feel like I should just try to not dampen his spirit.
The problems now that I have is that he seems to talk over me everytime i'm trying to talk to someone any conversation, when i ask him to wait until everyone stopped talking he makes a huge scene and throws a tantrum and I end up feeling terrible. The other thing that is frustrating is when his father gets home he has to talk to him non stop and ask him 10 million questions and repeating himself over and over and his dad or myself end up getting frustrated because he seriously does not stop. WHAT have i created lol.
I guess the question i'm asking everyone is it ok to ask a toddler to be quiet?, is there a better way of wording it so i don't offend him or upset him, or should i just tell him straight because in real life there are times you need to stop?
or do you believe that its a phase and its the way he learns and if I continually tell him to stop talking he will resent me for it, or its the wrong way to deal with a toddler.
TIA
My DD2 is a chaterbox when its just us and I struggle sometimes on those days when I'm tired and would kill for 5 minutes peace but I don't ever ask her to stop talking. I will try and find her something to distract her, but I really don't like ignoring her or telling her not to talk to me. I am frequently asking my girls to speak more quietly, especially when we're out, but I think that's a different issue.
In terms of interrupting though, I think 2.5 is old enough to start learning that you need to wait your turn to speak, and not talk over everybody. Unless its one of my kids telling me someone's arm has fallen off or they desperately need the toilet, then they know to wait until whoever has finished speaking, and then say "excuse me". They don't always get it right, especially if they're really excited about something, but if they interrupt they are asked to wait for a minute.
I was always raised with pretty strict rules and while I have no recollection of what I thought of them at the time, I am very grateful for them now.
We are going through this with dd2, we are teaching her she has to wait if someone is talking and to be quiet if we are on the phone. She is very loud so we remind her to quiet down a little bit if we need to. She does sometimes get upset but it's about teaching them their boundaries.
DD has to be reminded that it's our turn to talk as she is quite a chatterbox. Usually she manages OK. I figure with enough reminding, she will eventually remember!
It is difficult with the excitement with Daddy's coming home. Maybe if they went and sat down for 5-10 minutes and just the two of them caught up on their day, then the point could be made that it was Mummy and Daddy's turn now?
What about spending some time outside being quiet and listening the birds, crickets at dusk, something like that so that you could talk about all the different noises that you can't hear if you're talking?
My DS is a chatterbox at the moment, and will repeat things over and over and I've recently discovered that if I repeat back to him what he is saying before I answer, he seems to 'get' that I have answered him, probably sounds a bit silly, but it seems to work.
Sometimes he will chatter away when DH and I are mid conversation, and frankly sometimes we just need to stop and acknowledge him and then we tell him its our turn (to talk), sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, at 2.5 he doesn't completely get it yet.
If he is being particularly rowdy, another successful tactic is to talk to him in whispers and he'll mimic - very handy sometimes (eg when waiting in doctors surgery etc).
Best advice I reckon is that sometimes it is more effective just to pause the adult conversation and respond to the toddler, as they are persistent little people and they will outlast us heheheheheheheehe, I figure like everything, they will eventually understand more about waiting till someones finished talking etc
Last edited by MummyNaomi; November 14th, 2011 at 08:12 PM.
: spelling correction
Right now, I'd kill to tell my DS to be quiet (24months old and doesn't utter a word)
But, I know that when he does start talking, I'll be trying different ways to teach him to 'quieten down'
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - even though I should be cleaning
TBH yes I do think it's OK to tell them that sometimes it's not OK just to talk until you get a response. I figure that there are times in life when it isn't OK to talk because you want to so it's up to me to teach that. When they're at school they can't just speak when they want to all the time, church, at doctors consults, when you are dealing with another adult/professional etc etc etc. I don't think "shut up" is an acceptable thing to say lol, but I do think that teaching them the acceptable social skills is part of our job.
If we're going to the library for instance I remind them that the library is for talking quietly and that as people are reading and studying they don't need to be distracted by constant noise. It works for the most part.
My DH works away full time so I totally get the over eagerness when they return.
My DD at 5.5 is still struggling with interrupting conversations just to say something random. She talks in her sleep and she's always loud.
When DH comes home she's in his face from the get go and since he doesn't live with us full time he's frustrated instantly. However since reading body language is not a small child's forte, I do think it's OK to say 'sometimes mummy and daddy would like to talk to each other without interruption. You're welcome to have a turn when we're finished what we're saying, but it's very rude just to speak over other people. And when you're speaking your aren't listening'. I do step back for a bit when he does get home and just let them get it out of their systems though.
I have to remind her many times a day that 'just because you say excuse me, it's not OK just to say what you want to say, we have to wait until it's our turn'.
When they speak and I'm distracted/dealing with something that I can't just give them my full attention I say "I heard you, I won't be a minute".
Cally- thats a nice idea- listening to all the sounds.
I introduced the game- who can be quiet the longest DS1 cracks up when I suggest this now.
I have always hit my boys up about repetition- I'll say- I just told you that.
We also make it clear- the adults are talking you need to either wait until we have finished or say excuse me (and when they are older, to say excuse me- and I'll say, okay just wait a min so&so is talking)
Tantrums wil happen cause they are being told to do something, stick to your guns but also work out what is realistic for him and teach it slowly. I have seen 10yr old kids who have never been made to wait their turn or say excuse me throw tantrums when adults are talking and "ignoring them" so im not sure it is just a phase. IMO its a skill that must be taught its just part of sharing really
Kim- thats a really good point about when you are distracted to stil let them know you heard them. Or- Mummys busy right now, I'll be with you in a min. I think its good to start making them wait. We have a rule- no kids in the kitchen, so I make them wait even if Im just making a cuppa sometimes. Its nice to have that space to just breath before heading back in to the war zone
Can you ask a toddler to be quiet?
Reply With Quote
DS1 cracks up when I suggest this now.
Bookmarks