How am I going to manage this?

[Tuesday's Child]

Our 2-year-old DD sleeps in our bed. She needs one of us (usually me) to lie down with her until she falls asleep. We've recently set up a toddler bed in our room and encourage her to sleep in it. So far, she's happy to sit/lie down there for story time, but when it comes to sleep she asks to be lifted into our bed. Despite what people (my grandmother, our FDC lady and my GP) keep telling me, I can accept that she's just not ready to sleep on her own.

The problem is that I'm starting to worry about what's going to happen when bub no.2 arrives. I hope she will be happy to sleep in the bassinette next to our bed, but what if she's like DD1? I spent the first 6 months with DD1 trying to get her to sleep on her own and the sleep deprivation got so bad I was falling asleep in the rocking chair or on the couch with her. That's when I started taking her to bed with me regularly and she's slept there since.

Options I've considered are

1) leaving DD1 in the main bed with DH while I move into the nursery with bubs. That might work until DH goes back to work. When that happens I'll be on my own in the evenings as he works 2-11pm. Plus we need the spare bed in the nursery for visiting family.

2) dismantling our bed so the mattress can go on the floor with another mattress next to it so that there is more room for all of us. DH doesn't say yay or nay when I suggest this, which is his way of actually saying no. Plus I'm not sure how DD1 will go with DD2 waking at night. And I don't know how I'll go sandwich between both girls (DD1 only cuddles up to DH if I'm not there) as I need some space.

3) being more forceful with getting DD to sleep in her own bed. Again, I'm on my own in the evenings and find making changes difficult unless DD shows me she is ready. Then chances are that she'd start sleeping on her own, and then regress with the arrival of a new baby anyway.

Of course, DD has never had any problems putting herself to sleep and staying asleep on her own at daycare.

I just don't know how I'm going to manage and keep going over and over all my options in my head.

[Ryatha]

I have the same dilemma at the moment too. DD2 is 2.5 and from about midnight everynight wants to sleep in bed with me. Being single I don't have anyone else she can go to.

Before I was so far along I would insist she go back to her own bed and if I did it consistently she would stay there but now I'm just too tired and let her climb in.

I'm wondering as well how other people cope with this? Bubs is due in a few weeks so I unfortunately don't have much time.


Sent from my iPhone so short and sweet

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Can you buy your DD a new big girl bed and make a big deal about setting it up in her room?
Maybe if her room is big enough you could buy a double & it gives you the option if sleeping there if need be?

FWIW you will find a way that works for you, your new bub might be more than happy to sleep on its own in the basinette, try not to stress too
Much until its all happening


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

[HotI]

We bought a king single for DD, so there is enough room for one of us to lie next to her (when needed). I don't know what the answer is, i know what you mean about your LO needing to be ready, for you to make changes. I'm the same.

My LO was showing signs of being ready when we moved her into her own bed and room a couple of months ago. DH (also a shift worker) had some time off work when DD moved, which really helped with getting her established in her room. I am more a morning person than night person, but DH was able to sit with her when she woke (we toook turns). SOme nights she wakes, and if we get to her quick enough she will usually go back to sleep pretty quickly. Other nights, she comes in with us but this is getting less often.

Have you tried moving DD once she is asleep?

good luck

[Tuesday's Child]

ZF - Ideally, I would love to set DD up in her own room, but it's going to have to wait until we get a bigger house. We do have 3 bedrooms, but one is full of DH's collectables and DD's room/nursery is really just storage plus somewhere to change nappies. (It's a whole other vent thread, and I probably have several on the subject already). We do have a king single in there already, but the only time it doesn't have stuff all over it is when BIL comes to stay.

ryatha - I don't have much time either. And it is so hard to make these changes when you're tired. Even more so on your own

I'm actually thinking I might just kick DH out of the bed so at least the girls and I will have plenty of room.

[Jellyfish]

Going to be facing a similar thing here and we did the same as you, all bundled into one bedroom but seperate beds. DD will sleep in her bed most nights but she doesn't fall asleep there, I will breastfeed her to sleep in the chair and move her once she is asleep. Would it work to try moving her when she is asleep? Also how dark is the room? We had a period where DD would wake up crying and wanting to come into bed with us till we realised the room was too dark, once we got a nightlight and she could see us when she woke up, she started resettling more times than not on her own.

I'm not sure what will happen when bubs comes along and am worried DD will be disturbed all through the night by bubs waking but we are just going to see what happens and hope for the best haha we just don't feel right trying to force anything more yet.

[Tuesday's Child]

The other thing is that DD still wakes for a couple of hours at night for playtime, usually 11pm-1am. I've lost track of what we have and haven't tried to discourage this. Letting her up to play results in an earlier return to bed than keeping things dark, quiet and as boring as possible. I'm working on being really strict with getting her up at the same time each day so she has a nap at the same time and same bedtime as we had some success with this before. Maybe once this is in place I can then try moving her once she is asleep.

I've tried not to stress about this because who knows what will happen when bubba arrives. But it's hard because I don't see how our current situation will work at all. Plus I could create a whole lot more stress for everyone now, only for it all to go out the window when bubs gets here anyway.

[Tuesday's Child]

Also how dark is the room? We had a period where DD would wake up crying and wanting to come into bed with us till we realised the room was too dark, once we got a nightlight and she could see us when she woke up, she started resettling more times than not on her own.

I just got a rock salt lamp for the room, which I think is great and find very soothing. It doesn't seem to bother DD much but DH hates it. Another reason he should be the one to be kicked out. lol

[Bella29]

We have just sorted some of the issues you are having. DD would go to sleep in her room but come to us at about 1-3am and stay. My little brother came to stay the night one night recently and so we set up a little camping tent/bed in her room for him to sleep in. DD desperately wanted to sleep in that bed, but I said no. his parents picked him up later and left the bed empty. Then in the middle of the night she woke up and wanted to come to bed. I took her back to her room and told her that she could sleep in the tent if she was a good girl and stayed in her bed all night. She went into her tent a couple more nights and then I took the tent out and she has continued to stay all night in her own bed. Granted she still sometimes wakes up, and I take her back to bed but she hardly cries and we make a big fuss every morning and give her treats thru the day because "shes a big girl and stayed in her bed all night!". Honestly she is so proud of herself! Every morning she comes into my bed when she wakes up and tells me how she stayed all night in her bed. First thing she mentions. I was really worried like you TC and yet it was surprisingly easy!!

Good luck honey

[Jennifer13]

Oh hun. I can see you're worried!

I'd push DH on the mattresses on the floor option. He's an adult and able to talk through any issues he might have with this. The littlies are not. He can control his frustration, or go into the spare room if he finds it really unworkable some nights. If the new baby is happy to sleep beside the bed in a bassinet, then you can reinstate your current routine, but if new bub wants to sleep with you, with both of them close on the floor your problem is solved.

I'd stop stressing about trying to control the small peoples' attitude to sleep and start working on the bigger one! It sounds like you came up with something that will make your life easier and work for them. As long as DH can see this is only short-term and won't be forever (maybe not for very long at all), I think he can probably get his head around it. If he tries. GL!