How to introduce the 'naughty mat'

[Charlotte91]

I hate the term 'naughty mat' but can't think of another name of it.

I've seen parents who do the "sit there/naughty spot" method and they have some of the best behaved kids I've seen.

How do I introduce it. We used to use a light tap on the hand when DD acted up. She's taken to hitting back, so we've stopped. If she's naughty (ie, touching something) then she is sat down and told "No. Do not touch".

How do I introduce to the naughty spot/mat/sit there method?
Any parenting advice would be appreciated.

DD is turning into a brat, she plain out ignores us saying No we need to do something.

She's 13 months (11 corrected).

Help, please.

[OceanPrincess]

We're about to start something similar with DS - 18mths. At 13mths, DD might be a bit little to understand... but I'll tell you what we do anyway. We call it the "thinking spot".

Be firm and simple with your instructions, get down to her eye level and make sure she is paying attention - "No. Don't do that. That hurts mummy. Mummy is sad now."

If they do it again, one last warning - "Don't do that. If you do that again, you will have to go sit in the thinking spot and think about it."

If the behaviour is repeated - "DD, you need to go to the thinking spot and think about what has just happened."

Take her to the designated "spot". Needs to be somewhere unstimulating, safe, unexciting, unfun, etc. Somewhere she can't see anything fun (eg TV) but is still safe. Ours is the hallway.

Sit her down and say "We don't hit (or whatever). That hurt Mummy and Mummy is sad."

At that point, with an older child, you would leave them there for a minute for each year of age - but that won't really work until she is probably about 2. At her age, I'd probably just sit with her quietly for a little bit then ask her to say sorry to mummy and give mummy a cuddle.

Then say "If you hit Mummy again, you come back to the thinking spot."

As she gets older, you ask her at the end of the time "Why did you have to go to the thinking spot?" And hopefully she will respond "Because I hit mummy." Then you reinforce "We don't hit people. That hurts and makes them sad." And then same apology and cuddle.

Our DD is almost 3 and she knows now - if she hits, pushes or is physical with any of us, there is no warning, she gets sent straight to the thinking spot. Other behaviour, she gets one warning and then to the thinking spot.

That's how we do it anyway. Good luck.

[Bloom]

Some great advice there for you!

We have a time out corner. I like the term thinking spot thought.
A few suggestions: you can role play with teddy first. So teddy does something that isn't allowed and then has to go and stay on the naughty mat.

Our time out corner is used the first time DS1 does something not allowed - no warnings if he knows that it is not allowed behaviour. Also, we always make him say sorry (in sign as he can't say it yet) when time out is up. And we remind him not to do the behaviour again. And we always say we forgive you and we love you when he gets out of the time out corner.

Good luck!

[helle]

I just wanted to say that I have (90% of the time) one of those children that are down right angels...in public. People comment. We went to my bros gfs place for a BBQ on NYE and everyone was commenting on what a "lovely little boy" he is...

He's an absolute pain in the arse at home!! So don't be fooled! Behind every angel is a little brat exploding with the terrible 2s that's driving their mum batty behind closed doors

[MummyNaomi]

13 months is probably a little to young to use a naughty corner/mat - the idea is that you take your child to a quiet place to cool off/calm down etc and then come back (in a very short period of time), ensure they understand why the behaviour isn't acceptable, get them to apologise and then move on. At 13 months my DS would have had no idea how to interpret this message. I think 2-2.5 would be more appropriate.

I think most kids start tantruming/acting out about 1-1.5, (well before the so called terrible twos) not because they are naughty as such, but more because they just don't know how to control their emotions at that age.
For us, when this started, we just ignored it - we found that taking away the audience worked a treat, and with the ignoring, we would physically pick up DS and move him away (even to another room) from whatever he was doing that didn't like - distraction is a great solution at this age.

HTHs

[Charlotte91]

Thanks ladies. I pretty much figured that DD is a bit young to introduce the naughty/thinking spot.
But this thread has given me some great ideas to start later on.

But, she's just getting so mad. She bit DH yesterday, she's been slapping me today, she clenches her hands together and her fingers go white.
She'll yell and me (just a yell, no words) and pull on her clothes.
It's only just started and I want to knock it on the head.
What else can I do about her??

Her sudden 'anger-ness' is quite upsetting.

[LimeSlice]

Does she speak at all?
Sounds to me perfectly normal for that age - she is aware of very strong emotional responses to things and has no idea how to convey that to you. She is trying to find her place in the family, and assert her autonomy. So you need to teach her how to do that.

With DD1 I began to sit down with her and explain "angry" and "hurt" and "impatient" to her, by using the words. So when she hit, I would sit down with her or hold her arm so she couldn't hit me if necessary, and ask her very simple questions about how she was feeling and tell her "...no hitting, it hurts me...are you feeling 'angry'?...Talk to mummy and tell me what you need..."
Sounds loopy writing it out, but they understand language a lot sooner than they can speak it themselves, so give it a go.

A naughty mat is not going to teach her a safe and acceptable way to express that anger and those forceful emotions at such a young age, so I found this was a great way to begin that education for her about expressing herself.