Families with 4 or more kids - How did you decide how many to have?

[misty]

How did you decide how many kids to have? Did you always 'know' you would have a large family? Was it an actual decision? Or was it just 'accidental' (as such) that you ended up with lots of kid? Did you base you decision to have more (or to stop) on 'rational' (ie, finances, etc) or emotional logic?

When I was pregnant (and even in the first 2 months after having DD2) I though I had 'finished' that four was more then enough kids.
Now I am not so sure...

Logically, rationally - four is a lot of kids, I am not sure if five is much bigger or not. Finances are already strained, although I am not really sure how much more expensive having another kid would actually be in reality, except for education perhaps (but the fourth kid is free for our school, and I am sure we could convince them to discount the 5th as well - they just have never had five from the same family before). We do have back up plans if things get too tight financially (including me working, or selling some property - although ideal we can go without doing either). Our house is a tiny little 3 bed, 1 bath thing and we cann't afford to rent or buy anything bigger yet, but this would become an issue as the kids get bigger anyway - and once the youngest is in school I can go into the workforce so that we can afford something bigger. Our car is an eight seater - so we are fine there.

What other issues am I overlooking?

Emotionally - I think I want another. I could be happy without another, but I just would prefer to have another.

I know DH is unsure like I am. I think he would happily have another, but is also worried about finances (especially as he is the sole provider at the moment and in the foreseeable future).

So how do you make these decisions???

[Starfish]

I think every family is different, so everyone would make decisions based on different factors.

The one thing you haven't mentioned is your existing children. How would they feel about another brother or sister? How will another child change the family dynamic and your and your DH's relationship with your children?

If you, your DH and all your children want another baby in the family, then things like finances and housing arrangements will work themselves out.

[Trillian]

We'd always known we'd have 5, and early on we wouldn't have ruled out a 5th either, but as time went on we realised that in our current situation 5 would be really really pushing things financially, physically (in terms of housing) and emotionally. A 5th child would only bring more negatives than positives because while there would be plenty of love to go round, love doesn't put food on the table or clothes on your backs LOL.

[Arimeh]

Wow I could have totally written this thread myself misty. We are struggling with this now, however mine is more the desire to try for a boy to feel complete as a family. It doesn't feel complete, however if DH said this was it I would be fine with it and look towards the future with the kids growing up.

We already have the big car, rent big houses and by the time all kids are in school we will both be nurses earning ok money. So do we go for the 5th or not....who knows!!

Big hugs to you cos it's sucky feeling like this xxx

[diva det]

you regret the children you dont have- not the children you have!

[Feijoa Mum]

For us we thought we were done after 3 kids. I still had the "need" for a girl but was quite happy with my boys. However when the youngest started Prep, I started getting clucky big time and DH agreed we could have "just one more"
4 was a big family and boy or girl this was the last. However he was born and that "girl need" kicked in again and I asked DH if we could try again. Given there was 6 years between number 3 and 4 and I felt S needed a playmate of his own as his brothers were all so much older than him. Plus I really wanted to try and sway for my girl.
If he said really didnt want anymore and was truely against it I would put it out of my head (yeah right ) and get on with being a Mum to four sons. Luckily he said yes though and even luckily still we were blessed with Lady.

For me its not about the space or the finances as to me you work with what you have/havent got.
For me my biggest thing is time, or lack there of.
Whether it be individual time for each kid, Mummy and Daddy time or that illusive time for myself. I always seem to have time for bloody housework or trying to juggle the bills though

I never set out to have five children and if was talking to my 16yr old self now telling her that I would be a mother of 5 one day I can imagine her face but I wouldnt change it for the world and given the choice I would do it again in a heartbeat but for me I am now done. I feel complete.

[KimB]

I have 6 children now and if you'd told me that I would be a mum to that many then you would have gotten a good slapping lol. I had 3 after my ex and didn't want any more. I then met DF and he didn't have any children (see where I'm going with this lol) It took a few years to talk me into having any more but then DD2 came along and she had to have a playmate so we had DD3 I then felt like I wasn't done so talked to DF and he agreed pretty quickly and DD4 came. We have a 4 bedroom house but could quite easily live in a 3. My 2 DS's share a room and my 2 younger DD's share a room and then the baby is in with us. My older DD has moved out (whole thread in it self lol) but then we would have needed the 4th bedroom. We are a one income family so we sometimes do it hard but we have lots of love and many op shop clothes

I find that time is the biggest factor. By the time I get done with the baby, the other 2 girls need me and my poor boys come a sad last. There is no such time as me time (typing this with the baby on my knees) never mind partner time (sorry DF) but he wouldn't change anything about his family.

If you can work around the obstacles and you still want another baby then go for it.