4&1/2 yo - The worst age so far. HELP!

[~*Niadalla*~]

So, My DS has an attitude to rival the best. I get told No. I'm not doing... . I won't...
The screaming, the tantrums, the inability to listen to a simple instruction. The unwillingness to learn from his behaviour and the consequences....
I'm at my WITS END. Every single day I feel like bursting into tears. I get SO angry with him. When he's having his little attitude issues, I cannot stand to be around him. I feel like I have absolutely no control over him what so ever.

I will admit to smacking him on the bum. That's what I've resorted to and whilst I feel horribly guilty, I have no idea what to do? Smacking isn't working obviously.

Please tell me that this ends really quickly. I'm just so sick of him talking back to us the way he is. It's so frustrating. I don't know what to do.

If anyone has any ideas to help me at least calm this behaviour down a tiny bit, please let me know. I don't know how much longer I can take this.

[Arimeh]

He's going through a huge testosterone boost at that age.

It does calm down a little, until they turn 5 then they know everything and you're just a dumb piece of crap lol

I think I got through it by picking my battles. If it didn't change my life too much, I just let it go.

[Phteven]

IMO the ****ing fours are just as bad as the terrible twos.
I wish I had something more constructive to offer than saying that it will pass and that 5 is better.

If you can't stand to be around him when he's giving you attitude then feel free to walk away (just as long as it's safe to do so).

[diva det]

yup 4 year old just before they start school is the worse stage i reckon!!
it will pass
i found keeping my kids really busy during this time helped heaps. that way they were too tired to argue or fight lol
we had heap of physical activities and i made sure they were eating heaps of juices and smoothies to keep their vitamins up as well
so many changes at this age
just hang in there!!
hugs

[Artechim]

"But I only want thaaat onnnnnnnnnnnne" (that is in the wash/thrown out/unavailable)
"muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum, I'll miss you if you don't stay" (with me every single second of the day)
"I need heeeeeeeeeelp" (because my body is jelly and I can only lay in a pile on the floor....)

No help, but living through it too

I think my only birthday wish this year is for that kid to put his blo0dy socks on without a fight! They are only socks! Just put the damn things on!

[Liviam]

and more

I'm so sorry I have no advice because I am right there with you with my 4 yr DD. The only thing that is getting me through is there are alot of kids over 4 out there so they and their parents must survive so I'm likely too as well. Fingers crossed anyway.

[MrsFabuloso]

I have a horrid four year old too. She has attitude plus. This afternoon, it wasn't fair that I was making her and her brother pick up toys they had played with before they went to bed. She *****ed and whined the whole time she packed up. When I asked her why it's not fair, apparently according to her, it's my job to pick up their stuff. Yeah, this is from my 4 1/2yr old. Little petulant brat! Unfortunately it was the straw that broke the camels back and I couldn't resist the opportunity to have a rant at her about the amount of stuff I do every day that I have no part of making a mess out of (like wash her clothes, change her bed, wash her dishes...), rather than ignore it all. Though to my surprise, she did apologise. But it was more of a 'I think she expects an apology or something' kind of apology rather than heart felt, lol. She really does know which buttons to press to bring out my bad side though!

[LoveKnowsNoBounds]

Hiya,
Yes I've been having lots of 4 year old fun. Was at wits end and found Triple P book 'preschoolers'. It's really helpful and shows the pitfalls we sometimes fall into. I am halfway through the book I got from our local library and it has given me lots of practical ideas. Hopefully there might be a triple p class I can get myself to.

[AwesomeFoursome]

I think 4yr olds are heaps harder than 2yr olds. :/

[YoYo]

I.feel.your.pain x


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[RhiChiChi]

I pick my battles too, otherwise we go around in circles! Very defiant little ones at this age. I also go back to choices - give DD two and that is it

[Starfish]

Yep, I have a 4 1/2 half year old that whinges and fight whenever things aren't "just right". And of course, what is "just right" changes constantly, so I always do everything wrong.

I pick my battles. Like RhiChiChi I find that giving her limited options and letting her choose works a lot of the time. That and explaining that sometimes we all have to do things that we don't want to do, but crying/sulking/having a tantrum is not going to change anything. When all else fails, I just walk away (making sure she's safe of course).

[Feijoa Mum]

I have an almost 2yr old and an almost 4 yr old and I am almost bald!

I do have the benefit of hindsight in that I have older boys so clearly I survived (not to mention so did they) but I think I have mentally blocked out that part of my life.
My DS can be to put it mildly a total little ****wit! He terrorizes his sister from the moment she wakes till the moment she goes back to bed.
He can honestly spend more time in the toilet (our timeout place) than out of it somedays. He runs off screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO whenever he gets sent there but to his credit he does go. He knows the consequences are so much worse if he doesnt.

I have found getting outside with him for at least half an hour in the afternoon to really run him round has helped a little.
He has so much pent up energy and is really bored so this is a massive release for him.

We saw a behavioral physiologist with our DS9 and this is what he reccomended to us, it is from the PPP parenting.
Just really slam down on him (not literally of course ) but show him that you are the boss and you will not tolerate this behavior.

Tell him to stop what he is doing and tell him what you do want instead.
Repeat your instruction with "or you will go to time out".
Straight to time out, (2 minutes for under 5's) you may have to hold door closed
Let him out and dont talk about the bad behaviour but try to "catch" good behavior as soon as possible and over praise.

I know its hard when all you want to do is strangle them or leave them in the toilet all bloody day but it does work more than not in our house.

He will fight (like a demon child) and push back but you cant give in. It is called the bursting effect and apparently everything from monkeys to dogs to kids will act out and fight back when you start coming down on them but you have to stay strong and they will soon learn as long as you are very consistent that it is not worth it.
If you do do give in you have moved the line he knows he has to get to before you will cave. So it will become worse

Huge hugs, it is really hard and draining but remember the teenage years are even better

[rubibaby]

hang in there because something magical happens once they turn five...

[Maruschke]

Hiya,
Yes I've been having lots of 4 year old fun. Was at wits end and found Triple P book 'preschoolers'. It's really helpful and shows the pitfalls we sometimes fall into. I am halfway through the book I got from our local library and it has given me lots of practical ideas. Hopefully there might be a triple p class I can get myself to.

How did you find PPP?

I just realised that PPP runs FREE classes through the child health clinic in my town (and in many other towns too, if anyone is interested) so I have called the lady who organises it. I am hoping to pick up some hints about our upcoming challenges, and drag a friend along with me.

[LoveKnowsNoBounds]

I haven't been to one yet but hope to once my bub is doing better.

On the PPP website you can search where they have sessions and ring to find out the next one. I was surprised to find there was one in my suburb at the local community centre. I think it'd be very worthwhile going.

[Deedles]

OH MY Goodness! I am so going through the terrible 4s right now!!!! I told My DS and mum that I cannot believe how hard it is to deal with a 4 year old.
He breaks things on purpose and I ask him why? He says that it was because he didn't like it then cries later on as he wants his toy back. He tells me to go away and that I am not his friend anymore and that he wants a new mum and dad and to shut up!

He is also so defiant. I ask him to do something and the screaming match starts. Crying, kicking, scratching, hitting!

Yesterday he was playing in the lounge room with us then left, Well I thought to go outside and play. Turns out he snuck a knife and a muesli bar and decided to try and open it! Finger covered in blood, ear pitching scream and a trip to the hospital. I do not know how many times we have had the knife talk and even put the knives away for a while. We even have child proof locks on the draws but he has figured out how to open them, but not that it is a good idea to NOT play with knives!
I really feel like it is talking to a brick wall!

The crying like a baby is really getting to me also. High pitched screams and hysterical crying just as he doesn't want to brush his teeth.

Feijoa Mum, Also having a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old, when there powers combined I sometimes think my head might pop off!

I believe it gets better, right everyone !