Help me learn to follow through

[aussienic]

Sorry if in wrong spot.. This seemed right..

I have 4 kids.. 12, 8 , 6 and 4

I am so tired of asking and asking and asking.. They never do anything unless I yell. Although occasionally they jump right in and help.. It is simple things. Take the rubbish out, or unpack the dishwasher.. like right now I am asking them to pick up all the paper they have spread all over the lounge floor. I keep getting in a minute just wait.

and then comes basic rules. Please don't jump in the pool or make incredible splashes. It isn't enjoyable to have water thrown in your face every second. It might sound like I am killing the fun but it isn't a large pool so we made basic rules to make it a fun time for everyone..

I asked the boys to get out numerous times due to bad behaviour, hitting, jumping (bomb dives) into the pool.. yet each time I told them to get out they would simply swim under the water. When I do follow through they throw the biggest screaming tantrum.. yes even the 8 and 12 yr old. (the 4 and 6 are pretty good in the pool) I don't follow through because I can't stand the screaming match they have with me when I do eventually get them to step out of the pool.

What can I do to be a better parent? I try to avoid yelling but there are times where my buttons have be pushed. I am on here typing this now so I don't yell about the mess in the lounge. It isn't even a hge mess just an annoying one that I want picked up

[Feijoa Mum]

I would jump in the pool and pull them out, yes clothes and all for real "I am Bloody serious" effect or I would say "you get out now! or you will lose your swim time/phone/ipod/computer priveledges/tv time etc (whatever is their currency and make them think twice about not listening) for two days.
yes it is hard but the punishment has to be hard enough for them not to want it to happen.

I know exactly what you mean about the splashing and bombs it drives me crazy too. We have landscaped rocks around our pool and I admit they must be very tempting to jump off but they also get very slippery when they are wet and are dangerous so thats why we have the rule.
Also we cant afford to top the pool up when it hasnt rained for weeks at a time and the watertank is empty so by all means swim but please keep the water in the pool! Thats why we have that rule.
I ask the rules each and every single time the boys ask to go for a swim and they repeat them to me. I also get them to tell their friends everytime too. You get two strikes then your out! I dont care if your my child or not.
That is pretty much how it is in our house with everything.
You get asked to stop and told what I would like instead, you get asked again with a consequence of what will happen if you choose not to, third time thats it - you were warned there is no more chances or discussion, I follow through.
I do use time out with my younger 3 so after they have been to time out they then get the chance to correct the bad behaviour. If they dont its back to time out. I only give 3 chances in time out to correct the wrong behaviour or you have to find something else to do.

I struggled for a long time about being the screaming crazy mum I felt I had to turn into for anyone to listen to me! So I read up on the triple P parenting and this is kind of what they suggest.
It was very hard to be consistent and DH had to be on board as well or it would never have worked. They all pushed back hard in the beginning and really tried to see what they could get away with but I was firm and followed through every single time and they learnt pretty quickly too that I was not going to back down!
Dont get me wrong I still scream and "Go Off" but hey im close but not perfect

[Feijoa Mum]

I would try this with the mess ........

"I would like everyone please pick up two things each and put them away?"
I have asked everyone to pick up two things each please, if you cant listen you will all be going to bed half an hour earlier tonight"

If they dont listen then you follow through with your threat. "You were asked and told what would happen and you didnt want to listen so that is why you are going to bed earlier tonight. When I ask something again next time you will remember what happens when you dont listen"
If they do listen or you get some that do be sure to heap the praise on them but be sure to follow through on the ones that dont.

[~Ash~]

I read a book a while ago called 'have a new child by Friday' or something like that. I didn't follow it perfectly but there was some good tips in it. I really recommend books like that - none of them are perfect but they give you good ideas that you can trial to help you figure it out.

I agree that getting them to tell you the rules of being in the pool before they go in and they agree that if they break them they need to sit out for 5 minutes or whatever - if they don't get out first time then they sit out the next time everyone swims.

I wish I had more advice for you - I hate the feeling of doubting your parenting. Maybe try to think of what you say will be punishments first so that you know you'll follow through?


**Sent from my phone using Tapatalk.

[Keta]

I also recommend the triple p program. Also something to be aware
Of
Is that initially when you start a new behavioral technique the children wil up the intensity. Therefore tantrums may increase to begin with. Keep persevering at this point. If you give in they will be ready to go for longer in the next round. Once they see you are not afraid of a tantrum and will still follow through they will respond quicker an with less fuss. Something to remember is if you tell make sure they do, if you ask they can say no. Having in mind a consequence for behaviour before you at in the situation can also help, so I definately agree with Feioja Mum that know there currency is
Important. As for us as adults each of our behaviours have a consequence be it positive or negative. If you an the kids know consistently what will happen if they do xyz then there isn't any need to nag or yell. Easier said than done but it does get easier and more second nature the more you do it.
Hope that made sense because I'm on my phone. I think my key point is consistency is the key and makes following through easier. All the best.

[aussienic]

Our biggest problem is inconsistency. I do tell them the rules everytime they get in. and sometimes thats 3 times a day. They are allowed to jump in the first time they get in then they are reminded that is their one and only jump but today they just kept doing it or pushing the boundaries by jumping from the steps or safety ledge and when I pulled them up on it they said we didn't get out of the pool.. We do the 5 minutes out thing but it gets tiring when they are constantly being told off.. KWIM?

I will sit down with them tomorrow and tell them what I expect and ask what they expect from me.

I will say though not long after I wrote this they actually tidied up the mess in the lounge, not perfectly but enough for me to be happy. I think I need to bring my traffic lights back.. That worked great.

oh and be consistent.. Thanks everyone..

[Fleur]

Just a thought... when you say 5 minutes out, I assume you mean if they break the rules they are out for 5 minutes? Have you thought about upping that each time? Say 5 the first time, then 10 then 15 - then out for good? Just wondering, maybe 5 minutes isn't enough to make a difference to them.

Absolutely the best thing ever to be consistent. Do whatever you have to, to put something in place that you can follow through. For us it was simplifying the rules, lessening the consequences (so that we can stick to it!) and following through every time.
Good luck, I know it can be hard.

[aussienic]

I will be starting the consistency thing this afternoon (kids were great this morning so no need for anything) Obviously friday afternoon they are going to be tired. but I will try my best to stick to my guns

I like the idea of bumping up the time. Hard to stayed focused when they constantly ask is it time to get back in yet but today I will send them out of the pool area completely so they don't bug me. Normally they just sit on the edge..

[Fleur]

I like the idea of bumping up the time. Hard to stayed focused when they constantly ask is it time to get back in yet but today I will send them out of the pool area completely so they don't bug me. Normally they just sit on the edge..

What about a cheap kitchen timer? Then they don't have to ask you at all, they just have to wait for the ding!