Do you still research the other side?

[Maruschke]

Well I don't know where to put this because it's about parenting choices from birthing, to breast feeding, to feeding, discipline etc.

So mods please move it to ... I dunno where.... somewhere else, if this is the wrong spot.

It seems obvious to me that we are a particular "flavour" of parents, and there are others who do things differently, almost directly opposite to us, and they too have their own forums and blogs and books etc that back up or support or educate that point of view.

I'm just curious... do you still read those, for any reason? To keep you balanced, to make sure your research is still current, to test how you feel, to see what the other side is up to? There is no right answer. Stopping research of the other side because you are totally confident in where you are at is great, normal, fine etc. And continuing to research is fine too. I guess we all approach this differently.

Anyway, I do... I've been reading a blog by someone who is anti-homebirth, anti-letting the cord pulse, anti pain-free-birth (like, why bother?) etc etc, you get the point. And it's interesting. I see some flaws in her arguments, but I also see some facts I have previous missed and had to incorporate. There was some data I thought was most recent, which turns out to be old now...

Just talking .

[chody47]

I tend to read bits and pieces of everything too.

[Tegam]

I do as I find people ask my advice. Seeing we had kids earlier than most of our friends and seeing we have done it four times.

I like people to know what flavour I am but I like to support their flavour too. I am a big believer in natural ways but I understand it's not for everyone. I also feel that we as mothers don't need another lecture. So I lay down all the facts and support them from there.

[LuluHB]

I do. I disregard/disagree with 99.99% of what I read but I don't believe anyone knows everything and maybe, just maybe, you can pick something up from someone whose ideas as a whole you don't agree with.

[Catherine]

I would call myself an instinctive parent, so gravitate towards studies that support my instinct. So I guess it is possible that other gravitate differently based on different instinct or influence...

I think I am a browser...I like to find the original sources. I like ABA because they back everything up with up-to-date research...not whim or opinion. I return to it regularly and link it for others. I don't like mamamia, The Project, Breakfast (ten) because it seems to be sensationalist, opinionist nonsense. Admittedly I have seen very little of those three.

I think there is an overwhelming amunt of info in the world, so readily available. Our Brains scan and filter, so we are drawn to what we are already interested in. Sometimes we read beyond the headline, sometimes we don't.

very intersting thread

[Cranky Kitten]

I still check other forums that are possibly more "mainstream". As much as we might be a certain flavour of parents, that doesn't mean we don't also take bits and pieces of other philosophies that mesh with how we want to raise our kids.

For example, whilst not anti-homebirth, I know that it is not for me. So I research both natural and medical approaches to keep myself informed about my options and prepare myself for what may or may not be offered to me. Sometimes I also like to see what the popular theory is, to see how it has changed over the years - such as CIO falling out of vogue, changes in recommendations for the introduction of solids etc

[onthefly]

These days, where I seek ways to inform my decisions, I'm mostly interested in learning about biological norms and evidence-based approaches to optimal development. I disregard all the 'cultural constructs' and 'shoulds' etc, because, quite frankly, there is no basis for these things aside from "I just reckon".

I think one of the problems with assimilating information - particularly the prolific amount on the internet - is that, naturally, all sources have their own particular biases and it's really important to take these into account when reading. So I think that it may make sense to read a variety of sources - but read carefully and take in actual information and filter out opinion (even when it's common opinion, like babies need to sleep alone, blah blah). I also find that understanding our own cultural biases and expectations and balancing these against actual science and evidence is also useful. A LOT of what we 'believe' as a society about babies and parenting actually bears no relation to actual biological reality, nor may it promote optimal development (the contrary even).

It is human nature to arrive at conclusions first and seek out validation afterwards and that's a pretty hard habit to shake off. I know I struggle with this too. And the temptation is there to write off someone completely if we don't like their message, even if they may well have some relevant information. That's the trick to it, I guess.

Also, I don't think of it as being from different sides. We are all coming at this from our own position - there are no real sides unless we decide to draw a line somewhere.

[Sagres]

As much as we might be a certain flavour of parents, that doesn't mean we don't also take bits and pieces of other philosophies that mesh with how we want to raise our kids.

This is me all over. I read lots of different things and refuse to rule something out point blank because it is considered 'bad' by others.
In fact it really irks me when people blindly follow the 'rules' of one philosophy without stopping, looking around and analyzing why they are doing it. I think if you loose the ability to question and find fault in your chosen philosophy you are starting to loose touch with your own instincts and your first hand knowledge of YOUR children which no philosophy will ever understand as well as you do.

[Shanti]

I generally follow a particular I guess you call it a 'style' of parenting, however in saying this, I am ALWAYS open to different views and opinions on things and like reading different articles. Quite often I will read something and go "yep already doing that and it feels right for us" and it just affirms to me already what I'm doing is right for our family. And then sometimes I think "oooh that makes sense, perhaps I handled that situation wrong earlier!" (usually when it comes to dealing with behaviour!)

[Maruschke]

This is me all over. I read lots of different things and refuse to rule something out point blank because it is considered 'bad' by others.
In fact it really irks me when people blindly follow the 'rules' of one philosophy without stopping, looking around and analyzing why they are doing it. I think if you loose the ability to question and find fault in your chosen philosophy you are starting to loose touch with your own instincts and your first hand knowledge of YOUR children which no philosophy will ever understand as well as you do.

^^^^^
I agree!

[onthefly]

yes. when making parenting decision we should be informed, first and foremost, by our children.
science and evidence can also be helpful

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I don't have a philosophy of parenting, other than "don't screw it up as much as your mother did", which is a remarkably easy and guilt-free parenting ride for me. So I research other methods, as I have no clue how to parent otherwise. And as a teacher, I need to know various ways of relating to children. I use some parenting techniques on some classes that wouldn't work on Liebling - and some teacher techniques on Liebs that don't work with some of my classes. Hmm, wonder if I can leave my 13 year olds to just cry it out in a lab while I have some coffee? I don't really read other forums, but do read the odd parenting book, fall about laughing, then not buy it. Including ones people on here love.

But I tend to just go with the flow and enjoy time with my son. He seems pretty well-balanced with good life skills so far, so I'm not too worried.

[Arcadia]

Hmmm....it depends on the topic. In many areas of life I like to look around and balance out facts and opinion and weigh up my ideas, but with parenting, I do tend to stay within the gentle parenting view. I think the mainstream media offer enough of a counter to my own ideas without going looking for them. I have no useful way of assimilating an antihomebirth blog for example. It would make me sad and angry, because I wouldn't ever write an anti-everything else birth blog. Extremes are not my style. Birth has many faces, and for me home birth was MY optimal choice, but I had a lot of other plans too.

I like hearing others experiences and I love the diversity of our own lives here on bb and going to a mainstream forum doesnt appeal to me. Does that mean I'm closed off to other ideas? No, because I think I have enough of mainstream and other ideas through mothers group, media, family and friends.

I already feel like a bit of a freak, so I need bb to help reaffirm my ideas. I think there's a time and place for questioning and a place for validation. Bb is a place of validation for me (although I know it's a place of questioning for others).

[beckoes]

id havent, but im curious as to what im missing, so maybe i should!!

[meow]

Not really. If by the "other side" you mean hospital births, adult led routines, cry-it-out or punishments for example, then I'm well aware of why I made my choices and I'm happy with them. I feel no desire to read anything touting the merits of those so I don't.

[Maruschke]

I already feel like a bit of a freak, so I need bb to help reaffirm my ideas. I think there's a time and place for questioning and a place for validation. Bb is a place of validation for me (although I know it's a place of questioning for others).

It can be really validating to read the other side and see the flaws and weakness of their position. It's just a quiet internal nod at your own approach.

[Miss E]

Yes, I do. Not for all things, but where there are big decisions to be made (extended breast feeding, solids, immunisation, circumcision, VBAC etc etc etc). Personally, I feel that I can't make an informed decision if I am only educating myself on one side of the argument. I need to fully understand both sides before I can make a choice. And in a couple of instances, I have actually ended up going the opposite way to what I thought I would initially.

But when it comes to general parenting techniques, BB is pretty much my core source of information. I do also read parenting books, but so far they've only been ones that have been recommended by other members here.

[meow]

It can be really validating to read the other side and see the flaws and weakness of their position. It's just a quiet internal nod at your own approach.

I guess I just don't need that. I prefer to surround myself with positive energy and affirmations. I don't want to read about the person who let their teeny baby to CIO or why women who don't have epidurals are idiots. I've got more important things to spend my time on.

As for when I'm researching a major decision such as diet, immunisation, education etc then I certainly do read all points of view.