15mo hitting (urgent help, please)

[Charlotte91]

DD is a ferret. Plain and simple.
She can be such an angel, gorgeous hugs and kisses, but the last few days she's started hitting.

It's usually if she gets mad or really excited (or doesn't get her own way), she will slap you in the face. We usually take her by the arms (IYKWIM), look her in the face and say "Don't hit." and that makes the yelling start. Right in your face with both hands swinging wildly at your face.
With that we take her and sit her on the floor away from people and say "Do not hit, DD." and ignore the following tantrum.

Que screaming and clenched fists. Also starting to throw herself on the ground.
Within a minute or so she's back to her happy self, cuddles and kisses.

I'm heartbroken that this behaviour is happening. I don't want to be the parent with the kid that hits.
If she ever did it in public I'd just be the teen mum who can't control her kid.

She has only ever gotten a few taps on the hands as we don't smack her due to personal reasons.

Please please please help me.

[Nai]

Have you tried saying what you want her to do rather than what you don't want her to do? When dd2 did this we would hold her hand and stroke my face saying "gentle" so that when she started hitting we could say " gentle" and she would know what we meant.

[Charlotte91]

She understands "gentle" as she has been taught how to be gentle with our cat.
We've tried saying "Be gentle, DD" but that also just makes her keep hitting.

[BlackRose]

My DS did that, and still does it on occasion. He knows it's wrong but I think it's still a way for him to express himself because he can't verbally explain how he feels. We just do the low calm voice 'No hitting, be gentle' and move on to something else.

Hope your DD grows out of it soon!! xx

[Arimeh]

She's so young still, she's not being mean or a bully, more like wow look what happens when I do that! Lol

I usually go uh ah and say that hurts mummy and distract, distract, distract.

It gets harder as they get older unfortunately lol

[OceanPrincess]

Ah dear, hugs Char, such a tough thing. Both of mine have gone through it. I started a rule with DD that said "keep your hands to yourself". Unfortunately DD started doing it to other kids when we were out, to other kids, when she got frustrated if they were using a toy she wanted or similar.

It was around 16 months. I would remove her from the situation, tell her sternly "No! We don't hit! We keep pit hands to ourselves!" and then clap my hands together in front of me. She would copy. It took her a while to get it but I could talk to her about expected behaviour on the way to Playgroup - "DD, when we get to Playgroup, we are going to play nicely. How do we play nicely? We keep our hands to ourselves!" and by the time she was about two she could answer me without me having to say it.

DS on the other hand sounds more like your DD - he hits me and his sister mostly. With him, I am using a slightly different tactic - I tell him sternly "No! We don't hit. That hurts mummy and makes mummy sad!" and he generally says "Sorry mummy!" and gives me a cuddle. He seems to be doing it as a bit of a "look what I can do!" thing as opposed to out of frustration like DD.

HTH...

[Arcadia]

it's normal developmentally to try out new things. Ds is already hitting me and laughing and so far I just do what worked with dd. I say gentle hands, and get their hand and stroke my face or hand, then if they hit again they get plonked on the floor. When they scream etc you ask 'do you want to come up?' and if yes then I say show me gentle hands and get them to stroke your hand and then up they come. It worked a great with dd and occasionally we have to do it with her if she's feeling rough with ds (she's over three now).

Be calm and consistent and it will pass...not forever, but at least until the next hitting phase!!!

[Calluna]

I tell DS, that hitting hurts, it hurts my hand/face/leg and it hurts my feelings, it makes me sad. We use gentle hands. And ask him to show me gentle hands.
If he continues I ask him to use gentle hands or I will walk away.

I'm not sure when he started but he was quite young. I work on, if I can get a sentence out in one breath, it's not too long. Lol and seems to be working so far.

[Heaven]

I have found that if I just say 'No, don't hit' it sometimes works but not as well as if I let them know why. So with DD1 obviously I can tell her why and she understands, but with DD2 I have to show her iykwim.

[Charlotte91]

I'm trying the "be gentle" and teaching her rub my face instead of beating me up. She will rub my face and then start hitting again. All with a smile on her face.
She tends to come up to me and pull my shirt up and touch my belly button (she's facinated with belly buttons at the moment, mine and DH's. She unfortunately doesn't have one, just a flat scar). She understands rubbing my belly gently and saying "aww, bebe" which is so cute.

So, yeah. "Be gentle" and teaching her to rub my face is starting to work.
She's started hitting the cat, so I really think it's just a development thing.

"Don't hit, DD" makes her hit more. If she doesn't stop hitting after 2 warnings then she gets put on the floor.
It's so hard.

[meow]

"Don't hit, DD" makes her hit more.

Yep, you'll find at her age she doesn't hear or understand the "don't" in a sentence. So telling her what TO do not what NOT to do is best, just as you're reminding her to "be gentle" and "gentle hands" etc. Also show her that you understand her so she feels less need to lash out "I know, that made you feel mad/sad/upset/frustrated etc" with a face that shows how she feels to give words and validation to her feelings.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I went through this and honestly ignoring DD was the only thing that worked. If we were cuddled on the lounge and she hit me i would pick her up (not saying anything) put her on the floor and walk away. I would sit on another chair and not look at her.

If i talked to her, yelled or told her to be gentle it just made it more fun.

Its a horrible stage, i really hope she grows out of it soon