so DS lost his uncle and he's been out of sorts since. which is to be expected, I'm sure. the first 2 weeks we were all a mess but I've been trying to get things back together since then. he is still out of sorts - very agro (mostly against me!) and pushing every boundary he can find. I'm exhausted from lack of sleep, if nothing else.
Does anyone have experience with this sort of thing? Does it just get better with time. he is really doing my head in sometimes. It's me as much as him, I know But it feels like he's really trying to wind me up.
We've been dealing with 4 deaths within a few months and I've noticed my kids are all coping with it differently. While my DS is a lot older than yours, the way he is reacting sounds pretty much like your DS. TBH, I have no idea how to cope with it either, I've been trying to be as loving and comforting as I can, which is hard when they're pushing boundaries but I kind of figure he's needing some kind of attention so I try to make it positive.
My brother acted like how you've described when my grandfather passed away. I was 10 so he would have been 7-8. He fought with mum over everything and then when he'd get what he wanted, he'd fight that he didn't want it anymore. I remember it being trying, but mum explained it to me that he didn't know how to cry with grief, so he put everything into anger. It did pass.
My experience is only of kids in childcare, but it is that it does get better with time. They need lots of physical and emotional outlets in their play - playdough is a really good one because it promotes talking, but also allows punching, pulling, stretching etc. Ditto ball games, and anything else you know that involves a lot of yelling.
It's your loss too, though, and that makes it even harder for both of you. You'll get him through, you're a great mum. All the time.
I think he is venting his emotions in the only way he knows how. My dd gets aggressive as her outlet too (in fact I do too).
Does he like swimming, or something physical that will let him really tire himself out (without exhausting you too much). It sounds like you two might need to go out on a date together too...maybe to see a movie or for a dinner date, so you can reconnect with each other in a positive way.
You're an amazing mum, and you've been through a big upheaval emotionally too.
MadB - we had some experiences with death and loss last year. DD1 was a little older but I wonder if your DS is feeling a little unsure about the world after this event? I was so surprised at how intune to my and DH's grief both DD's were and how many questions they had. These questions were quite confronting for me as they were a lot more mature and had more focus on long term consequences than I had anticipated.
Our kinder teacher recommended a book called 'Beginnings and Endings with lifetimes in between' by Robert Ingpen as she could see how almost paralysed we all were in our grief. TBH I really struggled reading it at first but it is a beautiful book that discusses death as normal cycle of life. We also printed out some photos of the departed family members and put them up on the mantle for the kids to 'talk' to when they were missing them. We also tried to acknowledge their grief and tried to talk about the person in terms of what made them special and what was the funniest things we remembered they did. I really really really found this hard as it made me face up to my loss whereas I would have rather avoided discussing thing. I found that the more we talked the less we dwelt on the sad and more the funny/silly/special things and that the conversations got less frequent. DD1 was worried about the implications of people passing away - ie leaving her - mostly in the context of both DH and I. This was tricky and we just had to try and reassure her that we were not going anywhere - I still a little uneasy about this as clearly I can't promise this with absolute certaintly however I do say that we would never choose to leave her whilst quickly moving on.
Thinking of you and your family - xxxx
It may be worth asking DS if he has any questions about what has happened as this is how we ended up having such complex discussions.
Sorry for the full on approach but this seems to have worked well for us with our DD's so far and whilst I am sure that I could have managed things better they seem content with the info they have received.
Just want to say thanks for all the suggestinos. Things are getting a little better. I have made an effort to have special time with DS and it seems to be helping. (I took him to the railway museum!!)
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
upheaval and loss
But it feels like he's really trying to wind me up.
thinking of you loads madB
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