Making friends.

[Phteven]

Is it just me or is making new friends something that gets harder when you get older?

Why is it so?

[No.5]

It is definitely harder.

I don't know if this is THE reason but I find that once you're older (& wiser ) you're not as trusting and it takes longer to allow people into your life..

[Charlotte91]

I hate making friends. Sooo socially awkward (unless I've got some Jim Beam in me. Then I can make friends).

I have trust issues.

[nothing2lose]

I'm no expert on making friends but I think it's partly because you are more discerning as you age. You work to the old adage quality over quantity for lots of things, including friends. Therefore superficial friendships are no longer as important iykwim.

If you're anything like me, you don't feel the need to suffer fools and are less tolerant of people's crap. Therefore you automatically, and perhaps subconsciously, filter out a lot of potential friends.

[LuluHB]

I'm no expert on making friends but I think it's partly because you are more discerning as you age. You work to the old adage quality over quantity for lots of things, including friends. Therefore superficial friendships are no longer as important iykwim.

If you're anything like me, you don't feel the need to suffer fools and are less tolerant of people's crap. Therefore you automatically, and perhaps subconsciously, filter out a lot of potential friends.

This. I've never been good at making friends but find the few I have are people I can genuinely rely on. I'm really tired of the superficial conversations and anything that involves one-upmanship. I think as you get older, have kids etc you have so little genuine free time for yourself that you become far more choosey with who you share that time with.

[Astrid]

I think also as we age, that there are many people out there with established friend groups. Often they are people who you could have a friendship with, but they are already busy and have enough friends.

Too add to that, having families means we have less time and friendships that work have a convenience factor. My main friendships now tend to be other mums at school and who live in the vicinity. Since moving I have met a couple of great women that I "could" have friendships with, but things like distance, different schools for our children make it near on impossible. I am also finding this year one good friendship drifting since my work load has increased and she has added more to her brood, so we are moving in different paths.

[~me~]

I'm no expert on making friends but I think it's partly because you are more discerning as you age. You work to the old adage quality over quantity for lots of things, including friends. Therefore superficial friendships are no longer as important iykwim.

If you're anything like me, you don't feel the need to suffer fools and are less tolerant of people's crap. Therefore you automatically, and perhaps subconsciously, filter out a lot of potential friends.

Yep, I agree. I struggle as well. I think quality over quantity is important.
You go through stages of life and it's pretty much the same with friends.

Astrid, very valid point about what is happening in our lives, life cycles can really change a friendship.

[buffy1]

I agree, it's much harder because of the filter - but I reckon it's a positive thing.

Along with being more choosy, I think it's also about being around people you click with - where the friendship doesn't take work, it just comes easily.

[myturn]

I also think that it's harder because when young to have a group of friends (often) which gets smaller as you age and then you have other small groups or individuals and it's hard to keep up and in touch with lots of individual people. I feel they'll at I do have a fair number of friends but I hardly ever see them as much as I'd like as I am too busy with life as it is.... I keep telling myself one say when I'm a stay at home mum I'll be able to go out for lunch and catch up with people.... But that's probably wishful thinking!!

[Lenny]

Yes to what N2L said. But also i wonder if people don't think of making new friends. When i moved, it came as a surprise to others that i was totally alone - no family, or girlfriends. Starting from scratch. When most people seem to have all their time taken already, they maybe don't realise that there are potential new 'friends' out there.

[Rouge]

I dunno. I love people. And whilst I'll happily weed out the bad eggs I still love meeting new people. I'm pretty picky too. The criteria is usually "You must be awesome", which translates to funny, intelligent, genuine, interesting and fun. I'm lucky enough to say my friends are all these things. However traditional places to meet new people I do struggle with. I don't do much socialising with people at school and pretty much all my besties and close friends are from online. Most of the IRL only people I know wouldn't know what a forum is. I think online people are more my people but yes there are probably more crazies too LOL!

Does that help?

[Keta]

I agree with Lenny. I often get caught up in my life and keeping up with my current friends. New friendships often take that extra effort to maintain because with long term good friends you can go a while without catching up and it still be the same next time you see them. With new friendships if their is a gap it's kind of like you stay at the acquaintance stage. With that said sometimes you do just meet that person and a friendship clicks without the ground work.
I think when you are younger though, you are at school and around different people more often so opportunities present themselves more often. Also it's socially acceptable for a kid to go up to a group of kids and insert themselves into what ever they are doing. Do this as an adult and people generally stare.

[kimmi]

I'm absolutely the same.. I find it difficult, even though I literally love ALL people (well most! haha) Even on BB, I find it difficult to build bonds like others have. I'm not having a woe is me moment, just saying

[nothing2lose]

Well, I like ya Kimmi! x

[kimmi]

nawwww, thanks N2L I guess also because I had an "accidental hiatus" for a bit last year after just having the poo poos with TTC and IVF I ended up losing the drift on what was happening around this place!

You're awes N2L!

[krysalyss]

I think it is because you just don't have the time and energy to cultivate new friendships like when you are younger. If I ever get time to go out I like to either take some time for myself or have fun with the family. It doesn't really interest me with the limited amount of time that I have, to leave the family at home and go out with a girlfriend.

[Kazzo]

I think my DH makes a new friend every week. He is the kind of person people are drawn to and with making these new friends he has had the chance to do some amazing things. Good things just seem to happen for him and that was proven yesterday.

I on the other hand have 4 close friends and I am happy with that. I know I could make room for more if the right person came along but I don't think I put the effort in when I meet someone new, but I have decided to try. I never joined any mothers groups or anything because I did not feel I needed to make new friends. I go and do things with my girls and I am much happier playing on the swings or going down the slide with them then sitting back and watching them do it.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Because for some reason going up to someone who looks like a decent person and asking if they want to play pirates on the fort with a slide isn't acceptable when you get older. Nor is asking if they fancy skiving a lesson with you. Especially now I'm a teacher.

I reckon the lack of games makes things harder when you get older.