Parents of DD2's kindy classmates

[LuluHB]

So, round 17,003 of birthday celebrations in our family was yesterday with DD2's party for her and her litte kindy friends. We booked The Fairies - no fuss for me, and DD has been there before and loved it. You have to book the parties with a minimum of 12 kids catered for, and DD only wanted 10 including her and her sister. No problems paying for non-existent children - I'm just thrilled my anxiety ridden girl is wanting to do this, and really enjoying socialising with other kids.

Sitting there waiting for last two kids to arrive so we can start and holding back offering to mother of one invitee that her older child (6 yr old) can join in to wait to see how many siblings come with remaining two kids - with two kids' birthdays and parties within a week and a new baby almost here money is seriously tight at the moment so I didn't want to offer joining in to her immediately only to find myself having to pay out more if lots of siblings turn up with the last two kids. One child walks in - no siblings. I offer quietly for the 6 yr old to join in but she's a bit shy and doesn't want to so stays sitting with her mum. Party gets started because time is getting on and just as kids have gone into the fairy room last child walks in - one sibling. Before I can say anything, mother of last child sends into fairy room her invited daughter, and then sends in her UNINVITED daughter at age 2, complete in her own fairy dress. No asking is it ok. Just does it. Pushes her way around everyone in the room when it comes to food and craft time to make sure said 2 year old is fed first, looked after first etc. I was so angry at the rudeness of it, but really don't know this mother and didn't want to create a scene, or cause tension with a woman I'm going to have to deal with for potentially years to come through school. I don't care that the kid joined in - I had to pay for 12 places so would rather someone did get some enjoyment out of it and would have offered - but the fact that the mother just took it on herself that it was her child's right to join in really irks me. Didn't even get afterwards any kind of acknowledgement or thanks that her child got to participate. Had I already invited 12 kids, her child joining in would have cost me an extra $25, and given she didn't even know how many kids were there when she sent her LO in to play, I find it really taking liberties.

Now today. I'm on parent helper roster for DD's kindy class. At the start of term I deliberately got to school early so that I would have my choice of days given time is fast running out when I feel I can safely guarantee I can be at school and not giving birth. All the days were free so I chose today - DD2's actual birthday, and leaving me still 3 weeks until my due date. Perfect. The kindy teacher sent a letter home last Thursday saying she will be starting "show and tell" for the little ones and will put up a roster with everyone's day on it, so last Friday I go to check to see when DD's turn is. Can't find the show and tell roster, but notice on the parent helper roster that the father of one of the kids has put his name onto the roster for today - same day as me! They only allow one parent per day.

So now I've spent the last 5 odd hours in bed tossing and turning with my anxiety levels building at (A) having to face rude woman from party and kicking myself I didn't say something to her yesterday, although don't know what and (B) what's going to happen at kindy this morning when all the other parents leave, but rude father and I are left with some sort of showdown as to who stays and who goes. It sounds so petty to imagine myself saying "but I was here first", and I'm sure everyone chooses days for particular reasons, but seriously - I WAS HERE FIRST!

Am I overreacting? I was raised to never, ever just take something, to always thank people for kindnesses, to wait your turn etc. Arggggghh. Oh well. 3.40 am and I guess I'm back to cake decorating cos sleep sure isn't going to happen . . .

ETA: WOW. That was really long. Sorry!! Apparently not only am I an anxious insomniac, I have lost all ability to speak/write succinctly!

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Oh hun, massive i can't read and not reply.

In regards to the party i def think it's rude for someone to assume their child can just push in if they were not on the invitation - it would be hard to say something as you may have to deal with them for some time but maybe as a lesson for next time you could write - siblings welcome at parents cost ?
My SIL had a party for her son and one of the mums cames with her daughter and the 3 younger siblings and left them all there at a play centre.. SIL didn't even realise the mum was gone until the older sister asked if it was ok for her siblings to eat

In regards to kinder duty i'd stand your ground and explain it's your DD's birthday and that is why you picked today for duty, it's a special day for her and she wanted to share kinder & her b'day with her mum, if rude dad has anything to say then just explain on the original list this is the day you chose, it's your DD's birthday and your STAYING... use those PG woman hormones and cry on him if you have too

[foreva*your*mummy]

firstly Happy Birthday to your DD!. As for the party, I do think it was extremely rude of this lady I would never just assume that my other children could join in, and to not even offer to pay the extra is just terrible. I wouldnt say anything because like you I wouldnt want to cause a scene.
It can get very hard with school things and you do feel petty at times, I would say to the teacher that you have booked this day because you are getting very close now and really wanted to do this before the baby came as there will be no time after. Hopefully they will say to this dad to choose another day.
Was your name on the paper where he wrote his name? because maybe he didnt know there was only supposed to be one parent?.
Hope it goes ok.

[Lenny]

Rudeness is awful. Some people just don't see how their actions are rude. I could say don't let her lack of social grace upset you - but that ship has sailed!

As for a Dad being on the roster the same day as you, so what? You put your name down. First. And you are about to have a baby, making it hard to help later. Perhaps he got one RDO for the month that fitted in with kinder and he thought, hey, that's a good idea. If the teacher says - one of you two has to leave, explain that you would like to stay, due to it being DD's birthday, about to have a baby etc. If the teacher lets you both stay, then there's no harm done.
If he'd gone and crossed your name off - then that would be another thing. I'm sure it's just an innocent mistake. No showdown required. He might not know your reasons for deperately wanting to help today. Just as you don't know his - ITMS.

Sounds like these last days have been a bit stressful. I hope you can relax soon.

[LuluHB]

Thanks ladies. Spent a lovely morning with DD2 at kindy and have just got home leaving her there for the rest of the day - she's having a lovely birthday day being the "Star of the Day" and enjoying extra kindy kid privileges like choosing the story to read, ringing the bell etc.

The roster turned out not to be a problem at all. The teacher apologised to me for the other parent putting his name down (in no way her fault obviously) but said that we could both stay so that was fine. Didn't see the mother from yesterday but I think now that all the anxiety for a potential issue this morning has passed I'm just so tired and over it that I know I need to let it go. Learn my lesson for next time and just move on.

[Lenny]

Yay for it all turning out ok. Kinders do a great job of making birthday girls and boys feel special.

I forgot to mention in my post that I would have absolutely been fuming at the rudeness that was displayed towards you. I think you are justified in your frustration and dismay at her behaviour. Sometimes venting it out and writing it down can make it easier to let it go.

[Boo Boo]

Hi Lulu

I read your OP this morning and didn't reply as was on my phone. But just wanted to say I would have been fuming from the party incidence, how rude - sometimes you just can't understand peoples actions - and I think this is one of those times. But yay on spending the morning with your DD, and I hope she had a beautiful birthday! Wishing you all the very best for the rest of your pregnancy and that it is stressfree time that you can spend enjoying your family that is soon to expand
xxxx

[Phteven]

I thought that everyone knows that uninvited siblings are a huge non-no at children's parties unless the invitation explicitly states that siblings are welcome. I guess I was wrong. That is incredibly rude.

[Rivlas]

Good to hear you have a wonderful morning.

The sad thing about what that parent did is that her child will be the one missing out, as parents won't invite her again if her mother is going to do this everytime there is a party.

[Rouge]

Totally rude. I would have said something. I'm not good at biting my tongue.

Im glad the kinder thing was all sorted xx

[EsJay]

Im glad it all worked out in the end & was going to say the same as onyx & rivlas. Thats pretty rude.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I know it's too late now, but I'd have asked the parents for the extra $25 their extra daughter cost you: they don't know how many children are the minimum, I'm guessing, and you didn't invite the sibling. Let them know it's rude! (But then I'm a rude person too, just that as DS is an only I've never even considered doing the sibling party thing and wouldn't after being on BB so long.)

Glad the kinder thing worked out for you and your DD had a great birthday.

[xXHopeXx]

That really is SUPER rude! I would have definitely ASKED if she could join in the first place, and i DEFINITELY wouldnt go around demanding that the younger sibling get preferential treatment at a birthday party! The birthday child should!!

Im glad it all worked out in the end though

[LuluHB]

Totally rude. I would have said something. I'm not good at biting my tongue.

I'm not normally either Rouge, but I think I'm just a bit over it all at the moment and am picking the fights I just can't avoid IYKWIM.

Rivlas - you're absolutely right. Her DD will stop getting invited to things because nobody is going to want to deal with the extras.


Thanks everyone. Just glad to know that while she obviously didn't have a problem with her behaviour, I'm not being unreasonable in thinking her rude.