What do you think?

[Shanti]

I took my girls to the park the other day and DD1 (3yrs) was having a fantastic time playing with all the kids there, particularly a couple of boys of similar age to her. They were role playing as they ran through the equipment and playing silly games as kids this age do and DD1 was joining in.
One of the boys was a little younger than my DD so probably about 2.5yrs at a guess and he was making loud growling sounds as he ran around having fun. I thought nothing of this at all as I watched DD2 trying to climb the stairs. A playground is always a noisy place when there are a few kids and parents there and the atmosphere was good!

The mother of this little boy was sitting only a few metres away chatting to another mum when she started noticing her son playing loudly. She walked over to him, called out his name and said "hey J, stop it you're being silly" and followed him but he ran away from her. I so desperately wanted to say to her "oh I think he's just joining in with the game the kids are all playing and he's pretending to be a dinosaur or something perhaps" but I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want the Mum to get cranky at me for 'getting involved' as you hear some Mum's can be cranky if you say something! (I have heard stories on BB etc!). So I just watched her as she took her son by the arm and walked him away from the playground and said "stop being silly ok" as though he had done something really bad. But he was JUST being a normal two year old, playing, being wild and excitable...... if you can't do it at an outdoor playground with other kids, then when on earth can you????????!!

I love how my daughter is loud and crazy at places like a playground, she has so much energy that has to be expelled so I let her.... I never worry if she's being too loud or whatever! Not in a playground of all places????? Obviously a restaurant, library etc those sorts of places yes you have to control your children and tell them to be quiet etc.... but this is different. At home indoors I ask her to tone it down as she can get really loud and it hurts my ears but outdoors in a playground who cares!!

What do you think? Do you let your kids let themselves loose at a playground where they are having fun being KIDS? And I don't mean they are harming other kids or anything but generally running around having a great time being loud...... what's wrong with it?? I think it's vital to childhood!!!!! As it is kids have such a limited childhood these days... it's getting shorter!!!

I am sorry if it comes across like I am judging this woman for her parenting but it made me feel sad for her son.

[Doing my best]

Maybe she knew that when her son gets to that stage it triggers off a different behaviour..

I know with both mine, what seems an innocent running and squealing is about to turn into extreme meltdown mode for no other reason than they have just psuhed themselves that little too far. Only now is my DH and my Dad who also live with us are starting to understand the particular moment.. They kept telling me I was over-reacting, until a few times of late, I let them take control and meltdown mode kicked in..

I am all for children running around and making a noise in a playground, but also know the limits of my kids and I could be the mother you descibed above. (not meaning I take offence, but giving a scenario that it could've been)..

[Catastrophic]

Do you let your kids let themselves loose at a playground where they are having fun being KIDS?

I let my kids run around and have fun but i also pull the reigns if they get to that over excited mark. I want them to enjoy the playground and I want the other kids in the play ground to enjoy it too ;-) so if they get too excited which doesn't happen very often at all, I will just to get them and play on the swing or help them over the monkey bars, so they are still playing and I am not telling them to stop anything i just redirect their energy into something else :P

[Shanti]

yeah i know what you mean and I agree. You have to pull the reigns in when they are getting out of control but in this case, this little boy was in his own make believe world and she burst his bubble!! I think it's about being present with your kids, even while trying to talk to another mum, and watching them in their world and recognising when it's getting too much or whatever. In this case, this little boy wasn't hurting or scaring anyone, just running around having fun. I felt bad for him I truly did.
Perhaps his Mum was concerned he would hurt my little 11mth old which I appreciated at the time too but I wasn't worried as I was close to her like any parent with an 11mo should be

I know this sounds like I am judging her and I probably am but that's how I felt. And yes this thread is not about anyone here so please do not come in here and take offence, it's just a discussion about it all. Noone is a perfect parent, I'm not either!

[Boo Boo]

All I can say is maybe she knew something you didn't, itms....I don't know. But no, I personally let my kids go crazy, but if I knew a particular action led to something else then I would reign it in iykwim. I do feel sorry for him if he was just playing his own make-believe game and your right if you can't do it at a playground then when can you do it?

[misty]

If my kids are getting too loud or too much in other kids face, then 'yes' I pull them up. This is for a couple of reasons; other kids and mums can get intimidated by loud and seemingly agressive behaviour (even if they aren't actually agressive, but just being loud noisy normal kids); Sometimes it is a precursor to other behaviour, and I am stopping it before it becomes an issue; Sometimes they have been warned prior to going somewhere (yes, even a play area) that they must not do a certain behaviour, and they are; It is just common curtesy that everyone (even little kids) need to learn to share a space and to be aware of others personal space or their own noise levels.

I think kids need to learn that they can still have fun but they need to behave the rules (MY rules for my kids). I have ALOT of rules. I need ALOT of rules, because when you have four kids 6 and under, they need to know what the boundaries are, otherwise they feed off each other and progressively get worse. I pull them up right at the begining (even if it does seem a non issue to others), because then they don't escalate, they don't end up in 'real' trouble (and trust me there is a BIG difference), and we all stay happy.

Personally, I don't like it when I see kids in playareas being overly loud and 'in your face' to my kids, and their parents just sitting back and letting it continue. I know my kids don't appreciate it (even if the other kid is just trying to join in) and I think that even in play kids need to learn to socialise in an acceptable manner, and be aware of how they might be impacting others. I have been in situations where I have had to ask a kid to please stop their behaviour near my kids because their parents saw nothing wrong with it (and my kids have tried repeatedly to move away or tell them not to do it).

Also, I LOATH it when people tell me "It's {the behaviour} is alright" or "Don't worry about it their fine" when I am pulling my kid up on a behaviour, because although you might think it is fine for your kids, I know my kids and I have a certain level of expectation of their behaviour, and it is no-ones place (particularly when they don't know my kid) to say that they are allowed to act in a manner that I have just been telling them that it is not.

My kids still have fun, they still have imagination; but they also know how to express themselves in an appropriate manner that is respectful to others, sometimes I just need to remind them of what is respectful. If I hold them to a higher standard them others, I don't think that is a bad thing.

[Shanti]

Also, I LOATH it when people tell me "It's {the behaviour} is alright" or "Don't worry about it their fine" when I am pulling my kid up on a behaviour, because although you might think it is fine for your kids, I know my kids and I have a certain level of expectation of their behaviour, and it is no-ones place (particularly when they don't know my kid) to say that they are allowed to act in a manner that I have just been telling them that it is not.

Me too, that's exactly why I didn't say a word to her I understand everyone is different. Just felt bad for the kid.... I honestly believe some parents may not realise that what their child is doing is actually 'normal' two year old behaviour that was the point of this thread.

I also agree, kids need rules, my kids have rules, well my 3yr does, and I have to let her know sometimes before we even pull into the carpark what is not acceptable etc.....

In this case of this little boy, no he wasn't being 'in your face' to the other kids at all, they were all happily enjoying each others play. This is why I think this mother could have handled the situation a little better and observed everything before jumping in and telling her son off for doing something that she thought he was doing wrong.

[RhiChiChi]

When I read your original post I felt sorry for the poor little might b/c I thought the same as you.... However when others have posted their own situation with their own kids then I realised that maybe she did the right thing b/c maybe he does get 'out of control' with that seemingless type of play.
I love it when DD runs around pretending she is a dinosaur, dog or otherwise but I do admit I reign it in when out in a public place, particularly if others are around. I usually just tell her to turn the volume down a bit & I discourage screaming.

[LuluHB]

I understand what the PPs are saying in terms of what might come next with this particular child, not being aggressive or confrontational with the other kids but if my girls were just running around growling (DD2 is frequently either a tiger or a T-rex), then no, there is no way I would pull them up just for making noise outside. I figure that if my kids can't let off a little steam outside, I will have no chance of keeping the noise level to something more appropriate inside.

Maybe I'm seen by other mothers as being disinterested/neglectful, but I hate seeing kids at playgrounds constantly pulled up on what they're doing, whether that's running around with imaginative play, or doing something that a mother considers dangerous. My kids have pretty basic rules at the playground - take your turn, don't push or shove, keep your hands to yourself, don't go up a slide but only down, no throwing sand. Otherwise, I figure its a place for exploration and experimentation - can I do the flying fox by myself, can I do the monkey bars yet, will these kids I've never met before play chasey/hide and seek with me. I'm definitely not a cotton wool mother (I was riding horses, climbing trees unsupervised and making cubby houses at age 5), so I think my ideas are perhaps vastly different from many others. Having said that, I wouldn't say something to another parent about what they allow their child to do unless they apologised directly to me for something they consider inappropriate their child did near mine ITMS

[Doing my best]

I get what you are saying that it was innocent, running around being a dinosaur, I really do.. But when my DS, who is turning 3 in August is about to go into meltdown mode, he does just that.. Runs around, with a slight squeal. If not pulled up and made to quieten down, it will take an hr or so to calm if he continues and goes into the overstimulated mode. He does not look tired, and to an outsider, it is innocent playing. He is often just running around after his older sister (and sometimes her friends as well), and just can't keep up.

So I am really finding it hard to sit back and not write something when I keep reading how you say someone else's kid, who you don't even know, was doing something so innocent and was pulled up on it.. Maybe I wouldn't use the words 'you are being silly' but I will take my child away from the situation as I know that it is about to enter into not so nice behavior to be around and upsets DS even more.. Sometimes a qucik 5 min rest is enough to allow him to go back and play, other times, it is a case of catching the right moment..

[Doing my best]

I also wanted to say that you may well be right and the mother wasn't letting him be a kid and have fun in a park.. And yes I too would feel bad for him.

And to answer you other question, yep kids should be allowed to run around and be noisy. But I agree with misty when she said they need to learn social acceptance.. Sometimes kids will want to join in and bd accepted, and other times acceptance won 't be so easy..

[Shanti]

I understand what the PPs are saying in terms of what might come next with this particular child, not being aggressive or confrontational with the other kids but if my girls were just running around growling (DD2 is frequently either a tiger or a T-rex), then no, there is no way I would pull them up just for making noise outside. I figure that if my kids can't let off a little steam outside, I will have no chance of keeping the noise level to something more appropriate inside.

Maybe I'm seen by other mothers as being disinterested/neglectful, but I hate seeing kids at playgrounds constantly pulled up on what they're doing, whether that's running around with imaginative play, or doing something that a mother considers dangerous. My kids have pretty basic rules at the playground - take your turn, don't push or shove, keep your hands to yourself, don't go up a slide but only down, no throwing sand. Otherwise, I figure its a place for exploration and experimentation - can I do the flying fox by myself, can I do the monkey bars yet, will these kids I've never met before play chasey/hide and seek with me. I'm definitely not a cotton wool mother (I was riding horses, climbing trees unsupervised and making cubby houses at age 5), so I think my ideas are perhaps vastly different from many others. Having said that, I wouldn't say something to another parent about what they allow their child to do unless they apologised directly to me for something they consider inappropriate their child did near mine ITMS

yep you get what I mean!! You sound very similar to me. We have basic rules like the one's you mentioned, of course, and I watch closely as my DD is only 3yrs old and my other one only 11mths so i"m a very involved parent always close by, listening ear etc without being intrusive on her play and learning. I am a silent observer but I'm involved and present at the same time.....

In this case, this mum had been busy chatting away and quickly jumped up to intervene when perhaps, just maybe, she could have waited a little longer watching her son before telling him off?

I think we all, at one stage or another, some of us more than others, have unrealistic expectations on how our children should be acting in a public place like a playground, perhaps it's our first child, and maybe we aren't comfortable with that behaviour for whatever reason, or maybe this Mum just presumed it was bothering the other parents nearby? (which it wasn't as we were all smiling at the kids laughing etc).

Ah dunno maybe I think too much

[Shanti]

And Luluhb like you said, I'm the same, I let my kids take some risks in the playground and climb that ladder if they want to, even if it means there is the chance of a broken limb, I stay close by just incase but I don't say "no don't climb up there you WILL fall" because that doesn't help the child at all. I see parents in playgrounds all the time saying this to their kids, they are scared of them hurting themselves or falling down or whatever, but i think it's so important to allow kids to do these sort of things (within reasonably safe boundaries) and to be nearby just incase but to allow them to challenge themselves without us putting all this fear on them!
but that's another thread LOL

[misty]

I might mention, that I am not by any means a cotton wool mother.
I beleive in letting kids sort things out themselves, I am usually one of those mums people complain about who goes to a playarea, and then lets my kids play without paying attention to them (I will read, or chat or be on my iphone). But when they do something that rings an alarm bell for me (like my DS 'roaring' becuase I know where that leads, even if it is a quiet roar), I pull them up quick smart. And If my kid ignores me, or fails to respond, or goes and does the same act again, then they may actualy end up in trouble, because that is not acceptable at all. Then it is not just about the 'roar' (which may possibly escalate) but it is about my authority, and my kids disregard for it.

[LuluHB]

I pull them up quick smart. And If my kid ignores me, or fails to respond, or goes and does the same act again, then they may actualy end up in trouble, because that is not acceptable at all. Then it is not just about the 'roar' (which may possibly escalate) but it is about my authority, and my kids disregard for it.

I agree with you on this 100% Misty. Whether or not my child listens to me in the playground is not negotiable for me. I don't care how much fun my girls are having, if I think something is going too far towards danger then they have to listen to me, and they have to listen first time so I wouldn't hesitate to pull them up on something like that, and go home if they continued to not do as they were asked.

[Jennifer13]

As long as my child is not in danger and is not putting anyone else in danger, I let her go. She will learn to manage herself physically and emotionally if she's given the freedom to explore her world without my interference.

I actually disagree that stopping a meltdown is important. How is a child to learn to control themselves emotionally if they don't ever explore all of their emotions? It isn't easy to watch them kick and scream, but as long as they aren't hurting themselves, then I think they can go for it. I certainly don't judge a parent who's watching a child losing it as being any less a parent - it's just your child going through the developmental stage of not being able to completely control their emotions. It would be the same as judging the parent whose little one can't climb to the top of the slide or trips over. They'll learn, at their own pace. Outdoors in a playground and at home, I don't see the need to control them physically or emotionally. Even a shopping centre, play centre, at a friends' house is also probably acceptable. At church, or sitting at a restaurant or cafe, no, same as not letting them bounce around physically. Those are places to learn to be quiet and not make everyone else uncomfortable.

So if anyone is worried about what someone else will say if their child has a meltdown, I say ignore everyone else.

(I should add, I also wouldn't stay if I thought my child was overtired, hungry, or just past being able to enjoy themselves and needed to go home. I'm talking about a meltdown because of frustration or feeling overwhelmed, not due to factors you can help them with.)

[Shanti]

I might mention, that I am not by any means a cotton wool mother.
I beleive in letting kids sort things out themselves, I am usually one of those mums people complain about who goes to a playarea, and then lets my kids play without paying attention to them (I will read, or chat or be on my iphone). But when they do something that rings an alarm bell for me (like my DS 'roaring' becuase I know where that leads, even if it is a quiet roar), I pull them up quick smart. And If my kid ignores me, or fails to respond, or goes and does the same act again, then they may actualy end up in trouble, because that is not acceptable at all. Then it is not just about the 'roar' (which may possibly escalate) but it is about my authority, and my kids disregard for it.

I agree, same here!

[Shanti]

Jennifer I totally agree!! Re: meltdowns.... they are all part of childhood and to be expected when you have young kids and you're out and about. I can't type much as I'm on my iPad but yes I agree with what you are saying.

It's not always fair to pull a child away from something just because you think they are about to have a meltdown, sometimes they are better left alone but the parent nearby to help them work it out. Offering a hug etc to them instead of ushering them to the car to go home.