Handling the situation - {ADVICE}

**MissM** · May 31st, 2012, 10:37 AM

Soooo I'm losing my cool ALOT. Frustrated. Sick of DD's attitude and rude manner. Tardiness.

Tips, suggestions? How can 'I' cope better with her outbursts?

**~ Zarava Flutterby ~** · May 31st, 2012, 10:56 AM

How old is she... 10?
My younger brother is 10, he's going through a bit of a stage at the moment and my stepmum explains it as "he's pushing the boundaries and trying to find himself & where he fits in"
He has always been a well behaved, well mannored quiet kid (unlike his older siblings

) but recently he's started pushing the boundaries to see just how much he can manage.
Her tips:

* Ignore the minor things - the more you make a BIG issue of it the more they push and see what they can do
* Be consistent in any punishment you offer
* Count to 10 before you do/say anything
* Sit them down and talk to them like an adult, ask them whats wrong, discuss WHY things are wrong or WHY they upset you
* DEEP BREATHS

I can't really help as my girls are still only little but boy do they push my buttons, at the moment i try the walk away and calm down approach.
I'd suggest speaking to her teacher and asking if she is similar at school, ask for any advice they might have to try at home too.

**~clover~** · May 31st, 2012, 11:09 AM

Mine's the same age, & I wish I had answers

The selfishness, the attitude... I don't know if its right or not, I'll usually loose my cool, & yell & carry on etc. But I never leave it without explaining it to her. Telling her why it works the way it does.
I'm also planning to send her to boarding school in 2 years

**~Raven~** · May 31st, 2012, 11:46 AM

I've been through a rough patch with Mr 9. What has worked for us is good old fashioned praise, taking things from him for bad behaviour and pocket money for chores and good behaviour.

A few months ago mornings were horrific and he would dodge chores. He would scream at me and call me devil woman among other stuff. We managed to have a good chat after an unusually calm morning where I gave him a hug and declared that it was a great day and wasn't it better to be happy instead of angry. I told him that if he keeps making it hard for me then I will make it hard for him. If he's helpful then I will be happy and things will be happier for him too etc. I think something got through to him because he has slowly gotten better. Iit wasn't an overnight change but over the term we have a new boy

We've gone from having to tell him 10 times to get out of bed/eat up/get dressed/brush teeth/put your shoes on etc. He would lump at the table at breakfast and ignore me. He knew what he had to do but fighting me seemed to be more of a payoff for him. I feel all Dr Phil for thinking this way but I really do think that it was a habit of negative attention he was stuck in.

So I make sure I uphold my end of the deal and pay him his pocket money on Fridays. I give him a hug and thank him for being such a wonderful helper every single day.
He gets to play minecraft or the Xbox before school if there is time where as before we were were struggling to get out of the door on time. With 4 kids it was a nightmare trying to get everyone plus myself organized. Good thing is that it's rubbing off on his brothers and now they help me make the lunches and pack the bags. I get to sit at the table with a coffee supervising while they do the work lol.

**nothing2lose** · May 31st, 2012, 03:16 PM

Ten year olds....

Nuff said really.

You are not alone x

**Ms_Fi** · May 31st, 2012, 06:04 PM

My 11 year old is wonderful, can be whiny when she doesn't get own way but 99.9% of the time is great - her 14yr old sister on the other hand is a complete cow bag 99.9% of the time

I'm dreading DD2 getting like her sister but as she's not showing any signs at all if going through puberty I'm hopeful it's a fair while off yet.

**Feijoa Mum** · June 1st, 2012, 05:20 PM

Ten year olds....

Nuff said really.

You are not alone x

Amen sister!
I try to pick my battles and constantly remind myself that its a phase, its hormones and it will pass.
If that isnt enough I tell myself I cant watch Eastenders from my jail cell and that usually helps

**surprised** · June 1st, 2012, 08:32 PM

Check out 123 Magic. There might be a course near you soon?

Hugs. Parenting is a tough game.

**myturn** · June 1st, 2012, 09:00 PM

we have a ten year old at home as well.....

but I had the most awesome discussion with her on the couch last weekend - just lay and cuddled and chatted and talked honestly about how I was feeling i hadn't been very patient with her lately and how things will be changing in her body at the moment and everything is just hard work. I promised that I would try (but now always manage) to be more patient, and understanding, and I hoped she could chat if things were feeling crappy...

it was awesome.... now if only her mother would stop being a psycho crazy b....