Am i weird? Overprotective?

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I just read a status from my BIL saying he and my sister went out to the movies for their anniversary and their 6 month old is having a sleep over at his parents. I commented that my DD is 2 and still hasn't had a night away from us as i'm not ready yet.

It got me thinking, i just don't know if i ever will be. Don't get me wrong we have had dates, been to functions where we have been away from her but i've never had anyone take her over night i'm always happy to come home to her and wake up with her here in the morning.

I don't know if deep down i don't trust anyone with her, i'm really weird even when someone looks after her i will pack everything tell them a thousand times what to do, and because its usually my mum or BFF they know what theyre doing but i still have to tell them.

Is there anyone else who is like this? Should i be having nights away from her, will i be seen as over bearing? More importantly what if i never get used to the idea and it comes to school age and she wants a sleep over!

[PumpkinZulu]

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be away from your baby. DD is 13 months and only in the last month or two have I been away from her for more than an hour. One of those times was the first time both DH and I had left her with my mum, that was for about 3 hours all up while we went to counselling and I found it extremely hard. I couldn't personally leave my 6 month old baby, but I totally don't think it's a bad thing that some people can/do. I've babysat young babies and now I'm a parent, I get the need for adult time. I'm not even close to anyone except mum watching DD and not for too long. Baby steps

[Novella]

I dont think you should leave her overnight if you dont need/want to just for the sake of it if you don't feel comfertable. If its working for you then why push it? I did leave my girls overnight form about 5 months but only with my mum to start with, oh and DH when I was working nights but that doesnt really count as he is their paretn too

Are you planning on leaving your DD with someone when you are in labour? Is your Dh staying in with you after bubs is born? My DH didnt stay after the girls were born apart from when DD3 was born as it was midnight and we were going home in the morning there was no point going home when the girls were already asleep at my Mums.

[HotI]

My kids haven't spent a night away yet, and there are only a few people who have looked after DD without DH or i there. It was one of the reasons i had a homebirth.

What are you doing when you have number 2?

[fionas]

My girls have never had a sleepover and only ever had a babysitter put them to bed on two occasions.

If my parents lived closer (they're in the UK), I can imagine my almost five-year-old having sleepovers there but NO WAY for my two-year-old (must change my sig). That's not because I don't trust my parents, I just wouldn't feel right about it.

I think I started feeling a lot less protective when I was confident that DD1 could verbally express her needs. Obviously a two-year-old is nowhere near at that stage.

Maybe it will be the same for you too.

(PS - I would be cautious about commenting on Facebook about this stuff. Can become very heated very quickly and there's nothing to be gained).

[Emma09]

I think it's absolutely up to the individual.

DD had her first sleepover with my mum at 5 months, DH and i went to a wedding.

Everyone is different

[diva det]

my kids are hardly ever away from me- first time my twins stayed away was at grade 2 sleep over. I refused to let them even do camp until grade 4!
boof my 3 1/2 year old only is away from me to go to kinder. my twins were the same- no childcare, no stay overs with family etc
but thats our choice as parents and i really dont care what others think- its the right thing for my kids and my family and dont worry about others.

[LimeSlice]

DD1 was almost exactly 6 months old when we left her for the first time - for my birthday, to go to dinner and a movie, 4 hours. It was terrible! I was so stressed, we left her with her surrogate nanna, and we got a phone call after the movie that she was inconsolable and we went home. I think it scarred me, as it was months before I left her again, and that was out of necessity, not choice.

DD2 has never been left with anyone overnight, but has been left a couple of times for a few hours while we went out. I have let go the reins a lot with her, much earlier, with leaving her with just her dad (she was exclusively BF, so I have always been funny about leaving them both before they can manage a few hours without a feed).

Like all these things, you can only do what you are comfortable with. I remember my first sleep over, at 5, was with the girl down the road, and I remember mum coming to get me at about 2am as I woke and wouldn't go back to sleep without her! lol I am sure though that I will have no problems with either of them going to sleep overs, DD1 had one last week with my sister, the first night she has been away from us over night with her, and she loved it. Made it much easier I think that she chose to go, enjoyed it, and asked to go again.

I don't think you are weird at all.

[Jellyfish]

I don't think you're odd but there can be so many benefits to allowing your children to develop comfortable attachments with other appropriate adults in their life. My daughter frequently has sleepovers and it reassure me to know she feels safe and close with others in her life. I am lucky to have people I trust and who are keen to be so involved. I couldn't do it at 6mo because of breastfeeding but by around 18mo I was comfortable despite still feeding to sleep and several times over night as I knew my mum would comfort her in other ways and the milk wasn't a nutritional requirement.

What is your plan for when you have your 2nd? I know that is the one time so far I was thankful to have other adults to rely on. Even though I was home after one night my daughter asked to stay another with Grandma, it was such a bitterest moment.

[xXHopeXx]

I've never really been away from dd until recently for more than a few hours, and even then I was constantly checking in on her.
DD is just under 18mos, and had her first sleepover with my mum about 2-3 weeks ago, but that was because both DH and I had influenza A, savage fevers (I was about 39.5, and DH was between 38-39), DD was sick with it too (38.5-39 degree fevers) and neither of us could physically take care of ourselves let alone DD because she was up and down all night needing panadol and nurofen to control her fevers and needing water too.
I did worry a lot about her then, I was constantly checking my phone to make sure I didn't have any missed calls asking for her to come back home.

I don't know whether I would do it again anytime soon unless I had to, but I have to admit it was nice not having to worry about waking up to her.

I have also only just this weekend gone out for the night with a girlfriend and left DD with DH! I've never left her for more than say 3-4hrs, and that's during the day! Never at night.

But yeah, I wouldn't say you're weird, everyone has their own ways of doing things and most mums/parents would probably feel exactly the same


Sent from the land of "iSomethings" so forgive me for any spelking misstaks

[feeb]

DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 2 and 1/2 and have never had a sleep over anywhere. DS1 has slept away from me while I was in hospital having DS2 but DH was home and my mum was also here.

[AngelPants]

Each to their own hun there is no right time for them to be having time away from you. All night is a long time!
That being said I can't even remember how old DS was! Between 6 and 12mths somewhere? But he spends time with my mum and MIL without us often.

sent from my watzamajig so may not make sense....

[RhiChiChi]

I think it's absolutely up to the individual.

DD had her first sleepover with my mum at 5 months, DH and i went to a wedding.

Everyone is different

Yep this! I can't recall what age DD was when she slept over but it was before she was 12 mo and it was with my mum who lived around the corner.

You know your own child and you as a parent what you are comfortable with. I was very unsettled the first time DD slept over then after that it was a breeze. DD was content which helped.

[maybebaby2012]

DD is almsot 8 and I'm still not completely comfortable with it. We are a team and it feels weird when someone is missing!

[chippyrabbit]

My DD at 14 months hasn't had any more than 3 hours away from either myself or DH. But saying that if i had close friends or family that lived nearby i would offload her in a second..lol
I think it is an individual choice, you can only decide when you feel comfortable about it, maybe work yourself up by leaving her with family that you trust while you do shopping to start with etc.
Mind you once you have two kids i would think that it would be good for each child to have the chance to have one-on-one time with each parent once in a while..

[FabFiona]

I guess I'm always the different one in this thread. I raise my boys with the help of my village. I'm very lucky that i have my parents and parents in law not too far away. Most importantly, I trust them.

DS1 had his first sleepover at about 3 months, DS2 at about 8 months. They would stay over at either grandparent about once a month.

Whatever works for you and your family is best.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[LimeSlice]

I guess I'm always the different one in this thread. I raise my boys with the help of my village. I'm very lucky that i have my parents and parents in law not too far away. Most importantly, I trust them.

DS1 had his first sleepover at about 3 months, DS2 at about 8 months. They would stay over at either grandparent about once a month.

Whatever works for you and your family is best.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh I so wish we had family like that! The girls only have my dad, who is in a nursing home, and their dad's mum, who is overseas, and until June, were on the other side of the country to my brother and sister.
I do think, had my mum, or DHs mum, been around, then they both would have been left much more often and much earlier without concern.

[fionas]

Me too. I think it also depends on how well they sleep at night. DD1 has barely woken overnight since she was six weeks old. DD2 is still waking up at least once and she's 2. Sometmes, despite DP's best efforts, she only wants mum.