Respect

[Butterfly Dawn]

Respect is something we all want to be shown but its a tricky thing.
In my day it was a respect your elders! but as I grew up I felt it should be earnt not freely given. Now I feel its a bit of both. A general level of politeness and respect is deserved by most as we have all had a hard road.
The problem is how to win our kids respect. We can teach them not to shout at us but that's just manners.
My question is, how do you/ did you win your child's respect

unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, noth
ing is going to get better. its not.
Dr Seuss

[bellany]

I would say by respecting them. Model it.
Respect their voice and opinion and respect their preferences
Show them respect so they can mirror it back

[Mems89]

Definitely by modeling it.
I don't respect my parents, and that's largely because they never respected me, but still expected me to just respect them just because. They didn't and don't deserve my respect.

[OceanPrincess]

Someone posted a pic much along these lines on FB... to expect respect from our kids, first we must show them respect.

I thought that was great.

PS - what does Dr Seuss have to do with respect sorry? You lost me at that bit. Do you mean that like in the quote, nothing will change unless we show them respect?

[TeniBear]

PS - what does Dr Seuss have to do with respect sorry? You lost me at that bit. Do you mean that like in the quote, nothing will change unless we show them respect?

I think that's a tapatalk signature, like my one below?



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So, it has come to this.

[OceanPrincess]

Haha... oops... ok

Not a big fan of tapatalk sigs. But that's for another thread.

[myturn]

I think it's also important to be consistent and predictable.... (as much as you can!). This shows your child(ren) that you are available when needed and will follow through....

that's part of respecting someone, I think. You can see someone is capable of doing what you need and has values similar to yours, and allows you to be the best that you can be.

They will learn best by modelling you, so if you respect others, they will learn to respect you.

[Shanti]

There's a great book called "hold onto your kids" I want to read it. Looks really good!
About how we should matter to them more than their peers ever will.

[Butterfly Dawn]

Sorry that is my Sig at the mo- better change something to make that clearer.

Is it different or harder to win your child's respect if they are the opposite sex to you? I'm thinking sons and mums seem to have more battles then dads and daughters. Perhaps thats just what I've seen personally.

I thing modeling behaviour is an important way to teach, but does it teach respect or manners?
Little ones can't grasp respect but can understand behavior and manners iykwim.
So is it something for the tweens and above?

unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. its not.
Dr Seuss

[~Kaz~]

I believe even very small babies can grasp when they are being respected (in how they are spoken to, tone etc and how they are touched and handled). It just builds from there in the relationship each parent develops with their child. Modelling is the most powerful tool there is.

Check out/google the RIE approach and Magda Gerber. There are other blogs and sites that talk a lot about respecting children and modelling behaviours (rather than demanding compliance and respect through rewards and punishments for example).

ETA - FWIW, I think the nature and quality of the parent-child relationship is far more indicative of things like respect than the gender of the parent-child pairing.

Sent from my phone.

[Butterfly Dawn]

I appreciate all your answers. Its a topic I have been discussing with hubby for awhile.

I think your right. From a baby we know/ feel when we are being treated with respect.
One thing I can see is even though you love somebody doesn't mean you respect them. I had always though they went together

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unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. its not.
Dr Seuss

[Chrispe]

Interesting topic! Reminds me of when I took a Uni class 'health across the lifespan' the majority of the class was learning about psychology and how it shapes people's lives. I came away from that class having learned a lot about parenting- my favourite is Eriksons theory on the stages of life.
0-1 year old Children learn trust vs mistrust
1-3 years old autonomy vs shame and doubt
3-5 years old initiative vs guilt
5-10 years old industry vs inferiority
10-20 years old identity vs confusion
20s and 30s intimacy vs isolation
And the list goes on.....
Even though the list here seems concrete it was explained to us that each stage overflows to the other and doesnt necessarily take place within those ages. The text book I had was a medical one called "Lifespan Developement"
It also had examples of differing ways that people put each concept into practice.

And that's my 'technical' view.

I truly believe for our kids to show us voluntary respect (out of love) not forced respect (out of fear) that is what we need to show them.
Both respect toward them and respect toward others around us.

I have seen families where the children were shown respect, taught they were important individuals, but because the parents didn't show other people (other adutls especially) respect in front of the kids, those then grew up thinking that they were the most important thing in the world and showed little respect for others. Now I know that is an isolated case, but it has stuck with me for most of my life (I grew up with these kids, egh) so I thought I'd share.

To everything there is a balance.

[Butterfly Dawn]

Thats really interesting. Thanks for sharing, more to think on

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unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. its not.
Dr Seuss

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I have never had a problem with Liebs showing me respect. OK, there have been a few incidences where he has been rude to my face, but his intentions were for a reaction not to disrespect me. But my parents have a huge problem with Liebling and respect. Why?

Well, I expect Liebling to be himself and a young gentleman all the time. I expect him to enjoy life and to be able to do things for himself. My mother still insists on dressing Liebs as if he cannot do it (for example) - so he does not listen to her when she asks him to get dressed, knowing he can kick and make a fuss when she does it for him (or will pick weather inappropriate clothes as she will change them, whereas I'll ask if he's too hot/cold and let him deal with it). Same with meals. He may not like all I serve him, but he tries it and leaves what he doesn't like. My mother will make him another meal - so he takes advantage of the fact that he's not trusted to eat food he usually does for me. My mother insists on spoonfeeding Liebs if he hasn't eaten enough for her liking; I teach Liebling that if he's full that's fine, he knows how his stomach feels better than I do. I respect my son and his decisions, she tells him how he feels.

I think we should be polite to everyone unless they do something so heinous that we have to say something rude. I think when people are polite to you and treat you as a human being, you automatically start to respect them: this value underpins how I'm bringing up my son. And wouldn't it be nice if everyone remembered that other people are people too?