Transitioning back into having a Newborn

[Ilithyia]

Its been 5 years since we've had a newborn around and to be honest, I'm a little nervous/worried.

Both girls will be in school when the new babe is born and I'm a little worried about how I will handle having to care for a newborn babe and get the girls ready for school etc.

The other thing I've been thinking about is that transition of having these 2 little people who you can communicate with and who can do their own thing, to having a newborn who is completely reliant on you. Not that I'm concerned at my ability to be able to do all these things. I guess its just going to be different having a newborn around again.

How was the transition for if you've had a big gap between your last babe and your next?

Any advice/tips etc?

Thanks!
xx

[CKJ]

I have a 6.5 year gap between DD and DS and I admit it's been tough

Getting up of a morning is a nightmare, as we aren't morning people and not only do I get up to DS through the night I have to get up to DD to test her diabetes levels (which then sometimes wakes her)

I get my DD to help with as much as possible so she doesn't feel left out and I cherish the time I have with DS alone (while she's at school)

DD used to be in before/after school care due to me working, so now she just goes after school - this means I dont have to battle parking or pushy parents and can get her at a time which suits DS and I. Is this an option for you?
Also in the morning I just drop DD at the front gate and watch her walk in - again means I don't battle parking etc.

Also I try to make a routine with DD. make sure her lunch/bag packed for school, uniform laid out (so then it makes our mornings easier)

The communication is definitely more difficult as you don't know what bubs wants/needs but don't doubt yourself. You've mothered before and you will do so easily again!

My biggest tip is go with the flow. Can you possibly have your girls out of school for a few days before/after the birth?
I was 9 days overdue so had DD off school for a week, we spent Monday/Tuesday bonding, had DS Wednesday, then spent Thursday/Friday with my sister and Saturday/Sunday as our new family of 3 alone.

If I can think of anything else I'll pop back in - DS has woken up

[bubno.3]

Hi and congrats with the new little one baking

I had a 7 yr gap between my first and second baby.... i was lucky my husband (ex now) stayed home for the first month so i had the luxoury of him helping..

The school was walking distance so Ds 7 was walked to school so i just put Ds2 newborn in pram and walked very very handy.

or if you can get your husband to drop them and pick them up in the first few weeks.

[~clover~]

I don't have the big age gap between mine, but I was sending 2 to school & 1 to day care twice a week when I had DD3. Some mornings you really just don't want to get up, but then you think about the peace & quiet when the big kids are at school & that gives you some energy
I always tell myself I'll go back to bed when the kids are gone, but I never do.

Having a NB again isn't too hard to adjust too. Other than the amount you have to cart around with you every time you leave the house. They are pretty easy IMO. The only trouble I had was the lack of sleep & having to get on with every day stuff like shopping etc. ex only had the 2 days I was in hospital off.

Your girls will love being the big sisters. I'm sure you'll have way too much hands on help :lol;

[BellyBelly]

As of Monday I am facing the same thing, a newborn and two school kids that need to be driven to school 25-30 mins away (one way) - and my partner has to leave very early for training for the week so I am feeling a bit stressy (to say the least) about it too. Not looking forward to it at all I am sure I will manage but it wont be fun, with lack of sleep, no help, cooking, cleaning, breaking up sibling battles and hopefully I can fit in showering and feeding myself somewhere in there! Argh....

[Liz]

You very quickly learn how adaptable newborns are and how precious you were about your first and 'never waking a sleeping baby' lol. Although I wasn't that precious about it even then heh.

Definitely go with the flow. Sometimes bub is awake during the getting ready rush (i would wear bub or use rocker) and other times I had to wake bub for the school run. I wouldn't stress it, they're easy when they're tiny. It's as they get a bit older and under your feet that you feel it more IMO.

Walking to school is a great option if possible. Bub sleeps in pram, you get some exercise, and no getting everyone in and out of car.

I'm sure you'll find your groove and bub will just fit right on in

ETA: Actually one tip I would give... try and have your shower before your partner leaves for work. This seems to make such a huge difference to my morning if I'm ready first. Then I can muddle my way through getting everyone else fed and ready heh. (this does NOT include fancy hair or makeup tho! LOL)

[Novella]

The school drop off is the worst part but I find having my shower before the bigger girls wake up helps, timing depends on when bubs wakes for a feed if its before six thirty she has a feed then I shower or if she is still asleep at six thirty I have a quick shower then feed her. Lunches are made the night before and clothes set out. The girls have started learning how to make their own breakfasts which helps a ton!

I was very lucky as DH had three weeks off, then it was school holidays and easter so DD3 was almost six weeks old before I had to do my first solo school run with three kids.

My other problem was havig to wake bubs to pick dd1 up from school but she coped ok with it and when possible I would put her down in the pram for her arvo nap so we could walk to school without having to disturb her. I also did most of the dinner prep when DD3 was asleep during the day eg put on the slow cooker or chop vegies cook/bolognaise sauce, it made it heaps easy at witching hour to get a hot meal up and meant I could spend time with dd1 doing homework. My DH leaves the house at 5 am and doesnt get home until 6 pm two nights a week and 5pm the other three so witching hour was a struggle but organisation helped. I also gave dd3 a bath during the day occassionally so it was one less thing to do at night

A good carrier is a must with three kids, I needed it to keep dd3 happy and be able to assist my other two

Its amazing how flexible babies can be so long as they are fed, dry bummed and held/carried frequently they seem to cope well with the rest of the hoopla just fine! Its mummy's that find the running about stressful

And if all else fails you're not wearing pyjamas they are stripey tracksuit pants and bakebeans count as a balanced dinner

ETA Kelly make your lunch/snacks when you do the big kids school lunches then you have something you can oull out the fridge and eat when hungry

[Mother Goose]

I'm subbing because I'm in the same
Boat! It's been great to read the tips.

When are you due? I can't tell from my ph. Im due at Christmas so will have the whole school holidays to try and sort myself out with routine. But it's a scary concept! Not just school runs but also going back to caring for a newborn. Everything from working out cries to feeding. It's daunting!

[Eenee]

Do you have a capsule? Could put Bub in there if Bub needs to be put down while getting kids ready that way Bub can stay asleep when you transfer in and out of car. I never had capsule with Ddd but with DS have found it great!

[RhiChiChi]

Hi Sara,

I'll be facing this in the New Year - my DD starts prep and I'll have a newborn (well born around November this year). I have purchased a capsule b/c I am not keen in letting my DD walk into school by herself in Prep plus she won't know any other kids, so I'll be walking her in & figured the capsule would be easier than putting on a sling or setting up a pram.

We sort of have a bit of a routine going atm b/c I am still working two days per week (she goes to creche) plus we have three half days at kinder (2 days are morning start @ 9am). ATM to get us both ready for the kinda run we get up around 7.30am. I shower at night - always have since having DD as DH could look after DD whilst I was in the shower and drying off my hair. I find that this takes alot of stress out of the morning. I just have to wash my face & do basic make-up, do my hair and get dressed. I do DD lunch when she is eating breakfast & I tend to quickly eat just after. Her bag is packed and clothes laid out the night before. We are going to do a few 'dry' runs later this year so I know what the 'peak'
traffic is like (non-peak traffic is about a 10 min drive one way). I think I'll make DD lunch at night though or DH can as he does his at night & I intend on using my slow cooker (even though it will be spring/summer) to help the burden of dinners plus I thought about freezing some quick re-heat meals / making larger portions.

I'll be reading with interest for others hints/tips too

I am lucky that my DH is very hands on though & he gets home from around 3.30pm, so that will help me out and my mum lives around the corner from DD school, so she can pick up DD if I am stuck.

[Tegam]

I'd suggest walking away from the idea of a routine and using a HAB.

It will happen. Some days won't be pretty but you'll get there.

[Chrispe]

this was me 2 years ago. And again in the next week.

I would do as much as I could the night before. (lunches, shower, school clothes laid out, breakfast stuff out ready.)
Also if I was late taking the kids to school- I was late. It wasn't a big deal, we had made it! (reception and grade1)
It doesn't last forever. so be easy on yourself.

[~Kim~]

Well you know the age differences I have, and even though there was only a 3year gap, I felt like that new chick all over again. You forget how small, and helpless they are. But it really is like riding a bike.

They have a language between just the two of you. It won't take long.

My little miss wasn't one for routine so I just went with it. And, being ready for that it wasn't such a shock. The older two had a good routine and she just goes with what needs doing. She spent a lot of time in the sling. My kids ate easy food a lot. They got to the end of the undie drawer a lot more often. But we managed.

[Beatrix]

Oh I will be doing this myself next year.

I'm pg with #4 but my youngest will be 5 once it's born.. Will be a rude shock for me and prob them as well.

[Mrs P]

Hey Sara
I'm only facing a 2.5 yr gap but I am hiring a capsule so that if I have to leave the house for DD at a particular time, I can bring bub easily. DD is staying in daycare two days a week so those will be my days to sleep/rest/try to catch up on everything! We currently have a cleaner and will keep her coming weekly - will try for a day when it's just me and bub so it will force me to take bub our for a few days.



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[Ilithyia]

Thank you all for the wonderful advice and comments.

Most of what you've said I'd thought about at some point. Such as lunches being made the night before, clothes ready etc.

I am due 1st of Feb so it could be anytime from the end of January to the middle of February. I dont expect to birth before the girls first day back (I think its the 22nd(??) of Jan in QLD). So either way, the week I birth will be a week the girls are back at school. And being the time (beginning of the term) it wouldn't be very convenient to keep them home for that week. We are moving back to Townsville in December so I will have plenty of support when the babe does come and hopefully either Mum or my Sister will be able to do the school run.

DP is going to be returning back to full time work which may be fly in fly out (week on week off roster) so there is also the risk that I may be doing things on my own for most of the time. Again I will have support so it wont be completely devestating.

At this point we're still struggling a bit with DD1 being able to concentrate enough to dress herself. The TV is a massive issue and distraction so I've started switching it off and using the radio instead. We generally have to sit with DD1 and dress her ourseleves or fully supervise her dressing herself. DD2 is a huge distraction and at the moment, as she isnt in school/kindy 5 days a week, she distracts DD1 from doing what she is supposed to be doing.

So at this point I'm trying to deter DP from dressing the girls and making them dry and dress themselves in training for next year when BOTH of them have to get ready for school.

I'm not hiring a capsule this year as I personally didn't like hauling the capsule out of the car. I do plan to wear the baby from birth as much possible. As for walking to school, as i'm not sure where we are going to be living exactly, I think we'll probably be driving more than anything.

I will look into after school care but I think I'd feel bad that the girls were there when I was just at home. What do they do with the kids? Just watch them or do they help them with homework etc?

I haven't really even thought of routine. I guess the routine will be us organising the girls for school etc.

I imagine that like Kim said, it will be like riding a bike. I know I will be fine and will eventually fall into a process which works. I'm lucky to have very supportive friends and family who can help take off some of the burden in the early days.

Thank you all again for the advice. You've been wonderful

[Novella]

We have a rule now tv stays off until they are 100% ready or nothing gets done! Thy normally have 15-20mins tv in the morning as bubs greater wants another feed before we leave the house

Good luck

[Ilithyia]

I thought I'd better come in and update my own thread!

We're are almost 4 weeks post baby now! The little bloke suprised us all and came 2 weeks early which meant that we had to do first day of school etc at 11 day postpartum. DP was still looking for a new job at the time so having him around has taken a lot of stress off me.

I've noticed that my cheeky little women take advantage of feeding time and will deliberately not listen to me etc as they know I can't get up easily to make them do as they are told.

DD2 has been a little bit of a struggle and has been acting out etc since DS's arrival. It worries me as I don't want her to get "middle child syndrome". Its only early days yet so I'm hoping she's adjust in time.

I think its me who's having the biggest trouble adjusting - mentally!! I feel like I living a life in daze. Like I'm wandering around floating outside of my body, watching mysef from above. I feel like the world is leaving me behind. I look at our pets and think "Gosh its been ages since I've just sat down and talked to them".

I really dont remember feeling so detached with the girls. Maybe I'm expecting too much from myself too soon.