Hi there fellow twin mummies! My question is, how do you deal with two crying babies? Both of my girks like to be held and I am really struggling when they both demand me at once. I know that as long as they aren't hungry, clean nappy, warm enough yada yada yada it's ok if they cry for a few minutes but I find this really really hard. One of my girls is far more demanding than her sister and I am having to spend the majority of the time calming her or I get really annoyed at the constant screaming. They are both on Zantac for reflux so I have eliminated tummy issues with her.
What did you do when you were on your own and both babies were crying? Bath time is particularly brutal.
I have no advice but just wanted to say I sure you are doing a fantastic job, it must be so challenging having 2. Im sure there will be someone on here who will have some great advice!.
My best friend has twins and she has one in a bouncer and one in her lap, then swaps as needed. She also has a carrier so she can wear one and bounce the other if she is trying to get jobs done.
I can find out what else she does, but she has spoken of how hard some evenings can be and takes them for a walk at the hardest time
I think your twins are around 12 weeks, yes? This is a huge "wonder week" for them, when their development is going great guns.
Perseverance will probably help - my friend with twins used to go for a big walk about 5pm each night, for an hour or so, so that she got outside for a while and the twins could be in the pram and moving. aApparently this helped her.
Otherwise - please look after yourself. Make sure you get a bit of time for you.
I would rock one in a bouncer whilst I fed or cuddled the other. Bath time was in conjunction with my husband and if he wasn't home I just top and tailed. I also used dummies for a few moments comfort and if friends were round or I was at playgroup I utilised them for extra cuddles. It gets easier
They are three months. We have electric swings which they are happy in initially but I have one girl who is significantly more demanding than her sister and just seems to cry no matter what I do. Feeding, changing, cuddling, entertaining etc make little difference to her which makes things difficult when I am tending to het sister (who is refluxy to add to the fun).
Also how do you manage simultaneous daytime sleeps? ATM my only success is walking or going for a drive?
I am a big believer in demand feeding, but by 3 months I dropped this and got my twins into a routine to try and co-ordinate their naps. So I would feed one, then feed the other, then change both, then play, then naps. It didn't always work and by 18 months if one wouldn't sleep then neither would the other, no matter how tired they were. However it got me over that initial stage of infanthood with some time to myself for housework or even exercise each day.
One thing that helped was feeding one after the other. I never managed to breastfeed both at once until they were much older, but by doing it one at a time it meant that each one got 100% of my attention when feeding and also learnt quite quickly to wait whilst their twin was being fed. One of mine was ill a fair bit and I had to focus slightly more on him so I would feed his sister first and then she would be happy to wait whilst I gave him more of my time.
I have been doing a mixture of tandem and individual feeding, depending on what sort of mood/how hungry girls are but much prefer individual. Did you mainly manage to have tearless feeding (ie the twin that wasn't receiving the lions share of the attention fine most if the time)?
Next question is did you have any problems getting them to sleep in their bed during the day? We usually end up with loads of crying so its easier to let them sleep on me. Thus creating a giant rod for my back. I know I just need to be tough and persistent with this.
I'm impressed that you demand fed - did you feel like you had boobs out 24/7?
It took a little while of getting them used to individual feeding before they got better at not crying whilst they waited. Maybe a week or two of stopping all attempts at tandem feeding and things improved. They slept well during the day in their own cots but only if their twin was also put down to sleep and they could see each other. I also used dummies because I couldn't feed them both to sleep. Mine slept together in one cot until they were about 3 months old so I thought it would be hard separating them but as long as they could see each other they were fine.
I think I breastfed almost non stop for the first 12 months but it does get easier. It was much easier once I stopped tandem feeds as my attachment was better and I could multi task (answer the door, cook the dinner) whilst feeding. I tried a ring sling for a while but couldn't get the hang of it, but I saw a lady the other day with a back baby carrier for one twin and the other in her arms which was obviously a lot of weight on her and no free hands but it kept both twins happy (they were older twins, maybe 6 month or so).
Hmmmm yes our tandem attachment leaves a lot to be desired as I spend the whole time doing anything to keep them attached. When you started your routine, what sort of timings did you do, more or less? I have the girls on three hourly feeds but they ate great weights (prob well over 13lb now) and have never lost weight so am wondering if I can cut back to four hourly feeds. Right now, some days I reckon going topless would be easier with all the feeding!!!
I am going to have to just get tough with myself and try and get something structured in place cos right now I feel like I'm trying one thing after the other but giving in right away for peace's sake. Any tips gratefully received
I would say whilst getting into a routine stick with 3 hourly feeds. If they are not as ravenous they are more likely to be patient when waiting their turn. If this works then you can try spreading the feeds to four hourly but think about how often you eat or drink during the day, probably more like 3 hourly so your twins might prefer this up until they start solids. I started with first feed as soon as they got up which bought me time to eat breakfast, then would aim to start a feed about half an hour before I had to go somewhere (like to pick up my older kids from daycare) but if you don't have time constraints like this then you needn't be as rigid. I fed around 3 hourly but it could be more or less depending on where I had to be and they had to fit in around my older kids with school/daycare/activities.
I am a big believer in not tandem feeding twins unless you are really good at it. It takes longer and is less satisfying for you and your babies. They will learn really quickly to wait their turn, even at 3 months. And as you are right there you can shush them or rock them so it's not like CIO where they learn to be ignored. Ideally I wouldn't let a child grizzle whilst waiting for a feed but sometimes with twins I had to. I breastfed them to 22 months so I must have done something right
I can't add much more to what Traveller has suggested except to say I used Tizzie Hall's Save Our Sleep routines for 1 baby just did everything at the same time and tandem breast fed for 6 months. I am assuming you have a good twin breast feeding pillow, as this made a difference to me and they do get better at attachment. Sorry to hear one of your little girls is giving you some trouble and hope she settles down soon. I did lots of bouncing in bouncers during the witching hour and my twin pram was a life saver. Other suggestion is bath them earlier or at different times so that you are not doing it during the early evening. Wishing you all the best xx
I would be lost without my twin pram, sometimes it's the only way I can get a meal cooked, by cooking and using my foot to rock the pram.
Ha I did make the huge mistake of bathing both girls in Wednesday evening by myself cos DH was in night shift. It was NOT pretty.
At what age did your bubbas seem to get too big for the pillow? I do have one but they kick off the back of the sofa on it
I gave up my breastfeeding pillow at 10 days, it was not needed once I stopped tandem feeding so I'm not probably a bias source of information on that But if you are finding it a hindrance then give it up for a week and see if you can cope without it. Especially if you start trying to feed one at a time you'll probably find a normal pillow will be easier as it is less bulky and annoying during a feed.
If you decide to buy a book to help please stay away from Tizzie Hall. She hadn't any children when she wrote that book and now that she does, even she doesn't use her methods. Pinky McKay has some lovely books on helping children to sleep which are much kinder to both you and your twins.
Mel - I am not bring my twins so I guess that doesn't count.
But I bath them both by myself daily and we seem to get through with no tears. I don't have any of the electric rockers or even a proper playmate yet - waiting for Santa but I bought the girls both a strap in bean bag and they LOVE it. Check out the bel bambino website.
When mine cry at the same time I alternate the feed eg half a bottle for lil then half for rubes. Seems to work, otherwise I pay my 11 yr old DS to feed one it's worth the 5 bucks
They say it gets easier all I know is now it's tough. That said my two feed and sleep well so I'm lucky.
We have come a long way in the last six weeks or so. Life is so much easier when two little girls show some interest in things around them rather than having to be held all the time. Plus, I think getting them to sleep in their cots for day sleeps has made a huge difference as well. Feeding is much easier when they are done in about five or ten mins and the non-feeding girl will happily play while she waits for attention.
Bathtime is improving, specially as nudie time is great fun now - I think the big problem earlier on was that they hated getting their gear off and they hated the temperature differences between getting in the bath then getting out of the bath.
Yup I hear you on the tough - I can't wait until they really show their little bond and play together but that being said, they are growing wayyyyy too fast.
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Crying babies
but it does get easier. It was much easier once I stopped tandem feeds as my attachment was better and I could multi task (answer the door, cook the dinner) whilst feeding. I tried a ring sling for a while but couldn't get the hang of it, but I saw a lady the other day with a back baby carrier for one twin and the other in her arms which was obviously a lot of weight on her and no free hands but it kept both twins happy (they were older twins, maybe 6 month or so).
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