[ADVICE] over it - fights and tantrums over the TV

[peanutter]

DS1 is 2 years old and OBSESSED with the TV.

He wakes up in the morning, and before asking for the potty or brekky (or occasionally for mummy or daddy!) he starts asking for the TV.

Chuggington, Donald Duck (a DVD), Thomas, Horseland - he's mad keen on TV.

If you put your foot down and refuse the TV, he goes to the computer, and tries to get you to find you tube clips of Veggietales or videos of horses running and jumping, or of trains.

I am not a fan of the television.

I am a big fan of playing outside, sandpits, walks, books, play dough, train tracks, toy farms, drawing, chalk, crafts, dress ups, music, and just about anything that does not involve the television.

Sometimes you'll be able to distract him and get him doing other things ... sometimes for 5 minutes, sometimes for a couple of hours, until DS2 needs his next feed, and your hands are otherwise occupied.

Sometimes he just has an out and out tantrum over the TV for no apparent reason.

Sadly, he didn't even know what the TV was until DS2 arrived, because we normally just don't have it on at all - but with me on the couch at all hours breastfeeding DS2, we've fallen into bad habits of having it on ourselves, and in the first few months it was easier to throw something DS1-appropriate on rather than trying to read him a book while bf'ing DS2 ... and now the gremlins have been fed after midnight ...

Have you gone cold turkey?

Had any success of dialing back the Bob/Chuggington/Makka Pakka/Elmo revolving door, to get TV back to maybe 30 mins a day?

Had any joy in getting other things a nod ahead of the TV?

If so, to any of the above, how? Please teach me your ways.

[~clover~]

Can you tell him its broken? Its gotta be easier than the weaning from the boob I'm doing right now??

Maybe only use ABC1? Kids shows finish at 10 & don't start again til 4 or so. Then finish again at 6 (from memory). We always accidentally forgot about the arvo shows

DD3 is in love with 'Bob Bob' - SpongeBob. OMG... But she doesn't really actually watch it.

[onthefly]

Yes. We went 2 weeks without any and it's heaps better now as we are back to only very occasional viewing (with minimal tanties in between) and DS has returned to being about to happily occupy himself all day.

I recommend going cold turkey. Just turn it off - it'll be really hard for the first couple of days. I suggest planning lots of outings. Just don't go near the tv (sit somewhere else) and prepare yourself to ride out the whinging and carrying on. It will go away as he learns to get on without tv again.

They get addicted - there's a great blog about it on Janet lansbury's page.

ETA - I don't think it matters *what* you watch, or even if you switch to other sorts of screens (ipads, etc). The result is the same. My friend has exactyl the same problem and has found that zero screen time is the only way to go.

[Novella]

Dd2 is older but we have similar issues. I now unplug the tv and hide the remote at times. She knows now that tv doesn't go on until she is ready in the morning (they normally get 10 minutes before we go for a walk.) we also get tantrums over stories but i don't always have the to read either.

If she really wants tv we have to offer something we are really involved in to get her to give up on tv. Puzzles,sitting and drawing and a card memory game work with her.

The hardest thing is when you don't have the time to do one on one things but don't want the tv on either. I'm finding it's less stressful now to get her involved in what I'm trying to do, eg get the veggies out the fridge and wash them to within an inch of completely disintegrating while I'm preparing dinner. Helping set he table while cooking, handing me clothes or pegs putting out the washing, putting clothes in the washing machine, having a spray bitter with a tiny bit of water and a cloth to clean a surface (often the tv cabinet, tv is wall mounted) while I do cleaning

Good luck!

Also if you're prepared to tell white lies put on an infomercial channel or something really boring and tell him kids tv isn't on, we have done this in the past

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

When I was very ill, DS got used to the TV on all day every day. He can put on DVDs himself. In fact, if he's up before us at a weekend, it's TV and/or youtube all the way.

But only on a Saturday morning now..

What did I do? First, I got better and didn't attempt to change things while I would need to go back to the TV. Turned things off at the wall behind cabinets where DS couldn't reach them. Took him out to the park a LOT so there wasn't TV/computer in easy reach. DS didn't need encouragement to re-enact the TV, so we did a lot of TV-based play. He would play Finding Nemo at bathtime, Wall-E is a regular visitor to our house ("but just pretend Mummy, he doesn't really want food"), telling DS he was "causing confusion and delay" would result in hysterical tears (only did that once!), we have various Night Garden/Thomas/Bob/Dr Who/Roary books. Using matchbox/hotwheels cars, we could re-make just about any TV episode you care to mention. He spends time planning new "bad piggy castles" for angry birds to destroy - and we can do that with lego or wooden blocks. DS comes up with new things for Harry Potter to do (I get to be Bellatrix - from the Lego computer games!).

Sometimes we actually manage to play games that are completely spontaneous. But it's a way of helping the imagination at first, I suppose. Just like when I was younger we played She-ra, A-Team and Narnia. We all knew what we'd wish for if we caught a psammyad and what colour lightsabre we'd have (blue).

I don't suggest cold turkey, but maybe a special time when TV is allowed (ie when you need to make dinner, or at 4-4.30 as his "TV time": if he chooses to keep playing something else instead, that's fine, he can have the time later (don't take it away if he misses it else he will be less keen to keep playing another day).

[Arcadia]

We do tv 'time' here too. It's brekky time here so I can eat in peace, and 4:30pm. So one hour a day over two sittings. I tape play school so that's all I offer otherwise it's Mary poppins (we were given the DVD).

For feed times I used to do sticker books with dd. would that work?

Having said that we were all sick a few weeks ago and tv was in heaps. With the finer weather we just go out more.

When I have to settle ds, I often give dd the iPad to play games, but that might be swapping one addiction for another

[~Kaz~]

We had very similar issues with DS although he is a year or so older than your DS. He didn't watch much TV at all (as in nearly none) until he was almost 2 but by the time he was 3 it was pretty regular. It just crept into the day more and more to the point that he was doing the same on waking and not getting ready in a reasonable time frame for daycare etc and having MASSIVE meltdowns when the TV was turned off to a) get ready and b) leave the house. We only had a couple of meltdowns and I made fast changes. Told him ahead of time there would be no more TV in the mornings before daycare, only on weekends. It was tough the first morning and then ok after that. We found that he then asked for it less on arriving home too. Before that he used to get in the car from daycare and immediately ask if he could finish watching whatever show he was watching that morning ()

We don't have hard and fast rules about TV (except that one about nil in the mornings) because I don't want to overly restrict it. Now DS is back to going for days on end or even over a week between requests for TV and then sometimes he will watch hours at a time for a day or two. Other times he only watches a little and then asks for the TV to be turned off

You know your son best but perhaps start with not turning TV on before a certain time or task chain has been finished (9am, or when he's had breakfast, gotten dressed and brushed teeth, or for that first b'feed). An alternative to TV while you b'feed is to have a basket (or two) of special toys that you know will be interesting etc that only appears while you are feeding and goes away afterwards. You may need to rotate what is in the basket over time and this might only work for one feed a day but it might help to tip the balance on those TV scales.

[Butterfly Dawn]

we have had tv addicts too for various reasons.
I found 3 days out doing stuff helped to break the habit. also we have tv time. its about an hour in the morning for preschool and wiggles then I change it to animal planet or tlc.
we have the rule no tv at meals.
its takes some time to settle but its worth it

[OceanPrincess]

I'm finding the concept of "screen time" better for our house too - with a new iPad in the house, the kids are getting a bit obsessed with the iPad! Being at the Austin all day yesterday the iPad was a blessing but at home, we have cut it right back.

We have no tv in the mornings. I used to put it on in the mornings when I jumped in the shower but it got to a point where they were asking "Are you having a shower now?" just to watch tv. So now I try and get that done before they are awake/out of bed and then just say no.

We have a rule - no tv in the mornings. It's a rule. How would DS1 respond to rules? Then it only goes on in the afternoon if I need some downtime or want to get dinner on.

FWIW - it is much easier now that mine can play together and keep each other amused. See how I go in a few weeks hey??

[black_rose]

If and when you do have tv time maybe watch documentaries about space, animals or how things are made etc so it's educational.

We fell into the habit of using to distract the kids to so try and encourage imaginative play as much as possible.

[Starfish]

I suppose that the solution depends on why you think the TV watching is a problem. Is it because your DS is neglecting other types of play/helping you, etc? Is it because the constant soundtracks drive you insane? Is it because he just becomes badly behaved after a lot of TV watching? Decide what the actual problem is and then address it.
E.g. DD is TV obsessed too. The thing is that she likes it on as background and usually does her own things, e.g. drawing, playing with her dolls, etc. So for me the issue is that I hate having those annoying squeaky character voices in the background - they drive me insane, which in turn makes DD misbehave as she sees me getting angry for what she perceives as no good reason, etc. What we do to solve the problem is to have set TV shows that she can watch and when her show finishes (thank God kids shows on ABC are only about 10mins long each), then it's time to do something else - which we plan in advance, so it's not like we're switching off the TV and replacing it with nothing, but we are switching it off for a specific reason, e.g. we are going to the park, we're going to play in the other room, etc.

[Phteven]

We lived without a TV in our home for about 6 months and then when we got one we didn't tell the boys for about 6 months. When TV dramas raise their heads in our home I lock them out of all the children's channels and/or hide the remote and cords. It works for me. They are much nicer people without TV.

I grew up without a TV. My mother didn't have one until we all moved out of home. To this day I'm not a big watcher of TV. I generally only put it on to watch something specific rather than having it as background noise. I guess that since I a since I'm a survivor of a TV free childhood I don't really see TV as something that a home needs.

In my experience it's easier to be TV free if the TV is unplugged and stored out of sight (or thrown out of a window) or at least disconnected so that pushing buttons etc has no effect. That way you're not saying 'no'.

[milka]

To get my son unhooked from his TV obsession the TV 'broke' for a few days. The first two days were not easy as this was winter time and he would ask over and over when will it be fixed.

Then suddenly he got over it and now will watch Peppa Pig when she comes on and gets bored by watching too much. Now with nice weather coming outside distractions will help.

Also I like someone's else suggestion about putting on the boring channels and telling them the kids channel must be playing something different!

[Miss.September]

We have a designated TV time. If she's unwell or I've had a rough night, then designated TV time can extend to all day

The rule in our house is from 4pm DD1 can watch TV. She has known her numbers for a long time so we taught her to look at my digital bedside clock to see if its 4pm. So if she asked "can I watch tv?" the answer was "Is it four o'clock?". It then began to be a game for her to check the time (she'd often come out shaking her head, saying "Nooo it's only three o'clock") and more often than not now, if she wants TV, she knows to check first and she will generally turn on the radio instead.

Could that be something that might work for your DS? In the early days of us doing it, it was a real game for her so the distraction of running to look for the clock and check was enough to divert a tantrum over it.