I have come to r to find one of the books my kids got for Xmas last year with every single pop up page ripped out. I'm so angry with them both ATM for it. They both love books and know how o treat them properly. They have both done similar things and since I don't know which one it was makes if hard. I have said I will pack up ALL the books and they get none for the next week, try need to learn to treat them properly. Am I being mean? They are 4 and 2.5 I'm angry that they would destroy a book they both love like that
I would take all the books and only allow them to have them with an adult present. Till they are older and more aware. Sometimes it's instinct to do something when it's an accident. Then they get carried away and don't think of the consequences of their actions. So I would take the books, not as punishment but so not to set them up to fail.
I would be furious if someone treated a book like that, favourite or not.
I would say not only no books for a week (possibly longer), but they'd be lucky if I spoke to them in that week! I really do not cope with books being abused.
When they were trusted with books again, it would be board books only with no pop-ups or flaps, until they proved themselves. Maybe by leaving home and buying pop-up books themselves as an adult.
In also cranky with myself for not noticing it sooner and dealing with it tonight. I'm guessing it was the older one because it was hidden under the blankets on the bed, she was smart enought to hide it. The 2 yr old wouldn't have thought of that... Surely....
I did it to an extent. I packed away all the books that I would be really upset if DD1 damaged them (many are out of print), only getting them out at bedtime to read to her. Our problem wasn't so much ripping pages as drawing in them with crayon :-/ . She doesn't do it anymore, learned the lesson pretty quickly!
I did this a few times with DD1, but due to her throwing them all around the room and at doors and walls when having her raging tantrums. All the books she throws get taken and put away, and she doesn't get them back until I am satisfied she will look after them. I have a nice pile of them in my room at the moment. I haven't had to take them all for a while now though, but we did have the first incident in ages last week (hence the pile in my room )
I don't think it is mean. It is pretty much a standard in our house, if you can't look after something, it will be taken away until you can. If it persists, then it will be given away to another little girl who can't have one of her own but would look after it.
I think if you sit her down and explain why you are taking them and exactly what you expect from her, and give her the opportunity show you she can behave with them properly, it is a good lesson to learn. Books are very precious things and we work hard to provide her with all her toys, books and things, and it is ok (and crucial I think) to expect they treat them with respect (as per their age).
I have banned books in bedroom for this exact reason master 2 1/2 rips books and covers and destroys! It upsets me a LOT as I love books. He ruined his brothers fav Buzz book and he was so sad for days!
They still have access to books in lounge room but that is all.
I think it's sensible not mean, let them use them under supervision
FWIW my DD1 drew on the walls the other day 'because I got too excited and couldn't stop' in her words so pencils are now out of reach unless I'm supervising. I've removed the temptation to make it easier on everyone
No I wouldn't take all the books. TBH pop up books are a temptation even for kids who are much older than your two. I think the problem here might've been not keeping them separate from all the other "wear and tear" books in the first place. If you have "good" books for kids of this age, it's a good idea to keep them up and only bring them down when the kids are supervised. You can have plenty of other cheap books that they kids can access anytime that won't make you upset if they're damaged - op shop books or golden books etc are good for this.
FWIW it could be that only one child was involved in the ripping. Seems a bit like it could be a serial crime.
I took all my girls' books and put them in a cupboard out of their reach because I got sick of pages being ripped out, books all over the floor being walked on etc. Its bad enough with toys, but I'm a but OCD when it comes to book (heaven help anyone who dog ears a corner!) so their lack of care was doing my head in.
I would never keep books from them (toys yes), but for them it was punishment enough that they had to come to me and ask for what book they wanted, and that they only got one at a time. FWIW, the books are now back in their toy room and are treated with a lot more respect, but to be perfectly honest I think that is more a case of them being older than of them "learning a lesson". DD1 is reading now and so she treats books very well.
I was going to say don't use books as a punishment after reading the title but I think what you are doing is fine. I would also get their help to repair some of the books. If they are repairable??
Maybe get them to help you fix them?
I think it's important for children to have books at an arms reach. We put all our special books up on the shelf but they also have ones they can reach too.
You are not mean at all cause its heart reading when they ruin something :-(
I tried the "help mummy fix the book thing". Hmmm... didn't work! He then proceeded to tear pages out of other books and brought them up to me and said, "oh no mummy, get the tape". Insanely cute but GRRRRRR!
He has 3 torn (much loved) books that live on top of the fridge now. He can see them and he wants them but he can't have them because he "tored them". Am I mean? Probably, but he hasn't torn once since the last one went up there and that was at least a couple of months ago.
I am also incredibly sensitive about books, and your LOs are the same ages as mine. They do get carried away in a moment sometimes. I ended up throwing away some badly treated books as it seemed that each time they saw the rips or the tears, a light went on in their brain and they started to treat them badly again.
I think a week is way too long.
We have a lot of books and i have them on rotation. Half are in a box and i swap them over every now and then. Otherwise they all end up all over the floor etc.
I'd leave out a few books - sturdy ones. They are also both old enough to sit and watch/help you mend the broken ones.
I don't think it is being mean, more that it is a consequence. A week isn't that long. If you found that you were having to do it all of the time so that most of the time they didn't have books then I think you would have to go with a different approach but I think in this case what you have done is perfectly reasonable.
Just my perspective, as someone who did go over the top about minor damage to books: Liebling has had books in his room ever since, is allowed free access to ALL books in the house, including mine, and no further damage. Some books do have colouring pages and he asks before he colours those in. I tell him that I have bought him an activity book so he knows he can colour those, as opposed to normal books.
I did apologise to Liebs for going over the top about an accidental rip caused by eagerness to see the whole book. The next day, when I had calmed down. (I did say my reaction was over the top!). He has not damaged a book since. Not even by accident. Some favourite books have literally been read to death and have fallen apart: I have repaired them. Or, in the case of The Very Hungry Caterpillar, bought a second copy when it fell apart the third time and was more tape than book.
So I personally would advocate a sterner punishment than needed and you don't back down - I did because what I did was inappropriate; I don't believe your reaction was. It worked well for me.
Last edited by Ca Plane Pour Moi; September 26th, 2012 at 06:42 PM.
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Would you take all the books? Dh thinks I'm mean
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