Kids Playdate - doubts!

[ladybird11]

Hi there,

So I got a text from one of DD1's kindy friends mum's earlier on today - seeing if DD1 wanted to go around for a play.

I reply sure etc and we tee it all up.

I arrive at the house to drop DD1 off and am hit with the smell of cigarettes as the door opens (no one smoking in there but it was a pretty rank smell), two 'rough' looking guys in their early 30's, an elderly man, and of course the kindy friend + her Mum. The house generally clean-ish though which is ok.

I know I'm totally judging books by their covers here - but you've gotta understand - that is essentially what I do at my full time job, and have done so for the last 9 years. So it's insanely hard for me to shake that. Sometimes I get it wrong, but usually I get it right.

Put it this way - if I saw these two guys in their 30's / late 20's in a park and you asked me to leave my kid with them you'd run the other way just looking at them. I felt quite relieved when I saw those two guys leave the house and drive off as I was walking down the street to return home....but I'm not feeling comfortable about this, especially if those guys return - who knows, one of them could've been the friends father - I dunno....it's her first playdate with a kindy friend - and I'm stressing!

HELP!

[HotI]

head back there with some afternoon tea. say you got bored and thought you could have a cuppa together while the kids play.

[fionas]

Great idea HotI.

On a sidenote, I can't believe that the kindy mum didn't introduce you to the other people. Basic courtesy in my book.

I don't think you're overreacting - you need to be comfortable if you're leaving your child somewhere.

Playdates at your place from now on.

[ladybird11]

Most definitely fionas!

If I didn't have the other 2 kids in tow I would definitely go around with a plate of fairy bread!! Think I might head off to work now so DH can go pick her up 30 mins early!!!!

[MrsFabuloso]

I would go with your gut. Despite your profession, you're a mum as well, and mums have great instincts when it comes to your kids. I'm betting your DD was fine, and probably had a blast, but for future play dates, and if the mum, and you Dd's little friend are nice enough, have them over to your place. Or meet in the park or somewhere neutral.

[Gigi]

at kindy age, i stayed at the playdate venue with my child. Maybe this is not possible for you (other siblings)? but that's the way i handled it, i didn't feel ready to leave her in a strange house by herself. But only having one child, i suppose i had that luxury to be able to make that choice.

Now my child is school age, i am coming against the expectation for me to just drop off my child, with people i barely know, so i'm finding that very challenging.

i agree that gut instincts are a good one to listen to. The one time i ignored those, my child had a very negative experience at one child's home.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Even now Liebs is at school, I love it when the mum wants to come, even with other children, and stay for coffee. I think it's odd when that doesn't happen - unless I offer to babysit. Playdate isn't babysitting. Playdate is having a coffee with a new person while the children don't talk at us for hours and hours about the latest obsession.

However, you are a professional judger of people by the view from the front door? How do you get that job? I am jobhunting and that sounds like a great career path to take.

[LimeSlice]

Even now Liebs is at school, I love it when the mum wants to come, even with other children, and stay for coffee. I think it's odd when that doesn't happen - unless I offer to babysit. Playdate isn't babysitting. Playdate is having a coffee with a new person while the children don't talk at us for hours and hours about the latest obsession.

However, you are a professional judger of people by the view from the front door? How do you get that job? I am jobhunting and that sounds like a great career path to take.

I imagine LB means she is a social worker or something similar...

I'm not sure how old your LO is, but my very almost 5 yo goes to playdates, and I will stay there with them. So basically a playdate for DD1 is a playdate for DD2. Once she gets into school, I would consider leaving her alone on playdates, but only if I actually knew the mother and the child. Perhaps preempt the next one and reciprocate the offer, invite her to stay for coffee and get to know her, beyond the cover.