Anyone have an overly touchy/feely child?

[BellyBelly]

This has been driving me nuts for ages but my almost 8 year old son is a very 'in your space' kind of kid and it drives me (and others like his sister and DP) nuts. He likes to be close up to you, your face, smell everything, licks, kisses and touches alot. I feel terribly guilty because I feel smothered especially when I was pregnant and with a bub, I dont want him to think i'm pushing him away. But sometimes its soooo iritating that I want to scream! I'll be breastfeeding and his head will be right in there close to watch and he'll be touching me... Even with bub he's right in her face, kissing her all the time.

I know he's being loving, but it causes fights with his sister and makes me so grumpy and irritable not having personal space - even DD will yell at him 'personal space dude' and stuff like that. He does seem to have axious tendencies so wondering if its part of that.

What to do? We talk to him about it ALL the time. Help!

[HotI]

I read a book by Priscilla Dunstan (author of the Baby Language book) called (i think) Child Sense. It talks about how kids have a dominant sense (sight, hearing, touch...) and how by determining what it is, and what yours is, you can see what helps and what hinders to fill their needs and then work together better. So, for a touch kid (craves or sensitive to touch, very active with their body...) he might need to run around silly or have a rough massage or hug before he can sit down and focus on reading or listening to something or eat dinner.

a mate has my copy at the moment but i have read bits of it at different developmental stages and picked up different tips each time.

[MrsFabuloso]

Yes. All three of my children are pretty touchy feely, but my DS1 is particularly in-your-face. I often ask them to get out of my space because I feel smothered. I explain to them that sometimes I need space and I need to be given some time alone without them on me or in my space. I explain I don't love them less, but I just need a time out. I think it is important that they learn about personal space and people's limitations.

[BellyBelly]

Thanks HotI will look it up. Sounds similar to the 5 love languages - obviously he's touch. Theres a version for children too.

I feel so silly since they're at school all day and yet I feel smothered in the short time I see him!!

3littlemonkeys - glad its not just me! I know it tends to be a boy thing, remember Pinky telling me about boys 'in your face' energy when DD1 was a bub.

[~Kim~]

My DD1 is exactly like that. I feel like a real cow when I tell her 'personal space' for the millionth time. I must try and get hold of those books. She doesn't even seem to have personal boundaries for people she hardly knows either. It really worries me. I don't want her not to be affectionate but she's not mature enough to figure out her boundaries for herself.

[Olive]

He sounds sensory seeking to me....

[~clover~]

Yes. DD2. Its part of her SPD. She craves touch & movement. She's very loving & there's nothing wrong with that, but i see her friends getting sick of her being in their faces & hugging & touching aaaall the time

[BellyBelly]

Yup that was my first thought Olive....he seems very sensory.

[Olive]

I'd contact a paed OT kelly

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Yes, DS is the opposite of me when it comes to touch. For me it can be painful, for him being without it is painful. He is very affectionate with everyone he likes (except DH, who is even less touchy than I am).

We have acceptable touching. Mamma is allowed to say "no more touching" or "hand-holding time" or "too many kisses" or whatever. Liebling has to abide, although he can negotiate - so he can sit next to me and have a cuddle, but not climb on me and be very in my face and kissy. He is also allowed to tell me he needs touch and I'll abide with that. Compromise works well with us.

[MrsFabuloso]

I think my little man may have some other mild sensory seeking behaviours too, as well as the touching/in your face thing. Not sure if it would be anything which needs to be seen to by a doctor/specialist/OT, but he does a few other things which are sensory seeking things too, like blocking and unblocking his ears if there is a lot of noise, touches his penis a lot for comfort (to the point if he's really anxious, he gives himself a rash!), likes heavy, warm things on him, like a heat pack, a basket of washing fresh out of the dryer, his little brother laying on him.

[~clover~]

3littlemonkeys, it may be ok for now, but later on it may start to affect his learning. I had DD OT assessed & it was good to know what she was seeking. She also gave us exercises & things to do to help her learn.

DD is vestibular & tactile. She also seeks sound & visual stimulation, but these are the more life affecting ones. Movement & touch. The deep seated pressure that the heavy things would give him is just one of the idea's an OT can give you.

One thing suggested to me was to put a couple of rocks in DD's school bag as she walked home to calm her mood after a full day at school. The weight helps to calm her.

If anything it might be a good idea to find some distraction techniques for him. Something else he might like to touch, so he leaves his poor penis alone. Some kids prefer hair, some like ribbons & silky things. For DD we wrapped some minky fleece around her pencil because she had a weak grip.

[goddessofdawn]

Does anyone know if you need a referral to an OT?

[forshelby]

My DS is only 20months but this sounds a lot like him! He's a very touchy kid, always climbing on me, in my face and giving me sloppy kisses. I was wondering if I wasn't giving him enough attention or what, but maybe this is just his sense of preference? He likes to touch. Sometimes if DP is pushing the pram he likes me to walk beside him and hold his hand. Even if he's sitting beside me on the lounge, he has to have his legs on me or my arm around him.

Thanks for posting this! I feel like I can make sense of what I thought was just high maintenance behaviour.