My DD has been having severe separation anxiety which started around 2months ago. I absolutely CANNOT be in a different room to her and on very severe days she won't even let me put her down to get a glass of water - I have to have her in my arms constantly, one day going 5 hours straight before she would let me put her down. If I leave the room and leave her with her daddy she will go into a tantrum immediately, and in a few minutes it will escalate to hysteria, self harm and chocking/vomitting so I have been with her 24/7 for the past 8 weeks, needless to say I have absolutely NO 'me' time (could really use a wax right now...) and hubby and I only have 1-2hours a week on a Sunday alone during her nap (he works 6 days a week and she naps during the day). Car trips also have to be limited to 10mins as any longer than that and she will start to become hysterical.
I can accept being tied to her 24/7 but hubby is becoming really frustrated and has started questioning my parenting choices believing they may be to blame for her clingyness. He wants to be able to go out with me again, eve if it's just to see a movie, which we cannot do since I have to stay home during her naps as she ALWAYS has to have a top-up feed (or three) during her naps.
Some background:
I follow attachment and peaceful parenting. DD started out with a cot that was attached to my bed, but when she got colic I moved her into the bed with me, and DH moved out so we wouldn't be squished. I breastfeed on demand and I allow her to be herself. I always speak to her with love and even when she goes into a meltdown I stay calm and hold her or gently talk her through it.
Before the separation anxiety kicked in she was a fairly confident baby. She absolutely LOVES to socialise and never had any fear of strangers. She was walking by 9months and would walk up to anyone to have a chat. Whilst she did spend almost all of her time with me, she did play in separate rooms and we did leave her with her grandparents once a week for two hours (she would only take the breast and two hours was the MAX she would go without needing a feed).
Personality wise she is a spirited child. She has to constantly move and is very active and persistent. She is an incredibly light sleeper though and still wakes 6-12 times a night, most of which she ends up having a feed as well, but most of those feeds are under 5mins in length. She does seem to have a lot of nightterrors and nightmares too. She has no routine - she can take her nap 2hours after waking or as long as 6hours after waking - although she does tend to go to sleep between 9-11pm and wake between 8-10am which is a big improvement regularity wise. She doesn't eat much solids.
I was just wondering whether anyone else had gone through something similar to this and whether it's just a temporary thing? Will I be able to go to the bathroom alone or maybe even leave the house sometime soon?
Is my parenting style fostering this 'clingy' phase?
I would like her to be able to be without me for a little while, even if it's just 30mins a week. Right now she won't even tolerate being left with her daddy upstairs whilst I go downstairs to do the laundry. The house, cooking, husband and self are becoming pretty neglected with only 1hour a day to get things done!
I am open to all advice except CIO - I don't believe in letting my young child cry if comforting her will make it instantly cease - and I physically can't ignore my crying child, it hurts me.
Hi CC11
That sounds like hard work for you.
Separation anxiety is quite normal at around this age and often peaks at 18-ish months. I doubt it is because of your parenting - in fact, I'd say doing things differently would probably only make it worse!
I guess you've eliminated other possibilities - like teething, illness, food sensitivities, etc, etc. How do you feel about the situation? Your husband sounds a bit frustrated about things
If it's just normal, run of the mill separation anxiety, then it will just ease up with time. Doing what you're doing may be the best way to keep this phase as short as possible.
Sounds pretty full on for you all, right now. If your DD is self harming, vomiting and choking when you are not with her, is it worth linking in with somebody to work out what's going on? Our kids have gone through separation anxiety but not to that extent. Can you ask your GP for some advice or even what practical supports are local than can help you?
Separation Anxiety - 14month old
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