DS doesn't want me to stay in hospital with him

[Liviam]

DS1 is three years old and he is having his tonsils and adnoids out on Wednesday. I arranged time off work so I can be there so I can be there when he gets put to sleep, in recovery and spend the night in hospital with him but he doesn't want me too He wants his daddy and only his daddy

Whenever DD or DS1 are sick, hurt, wake up during the night, read them books, want cuddles on couch or want to get up in the morning they only want their daddy. I am shattered that they don't want me. They don't see their mummy as a comfort - I'm just devestated.

All day long when DH is at work all I hear is where is daddy, when is daddy coming come, if they hurt themselves we have to call Dave so he can calm them down and when they hear his car they go absolutely crazy with excitment. I am back at work after 12 months mat leave and when I get home they barely even look up.

I'm crying that I'm not going to be able to comfort my little man and DH doesn't understand why I'm upset. I can't get him to understand that it's a mummy thing to want to comfort their kids and how crushed I feel that my kids don't see me as this.

Am I such a bad mummy that my kids don't see me as a comfort?

Do anyone elses kids not like comfort from their mummys? Any tips for helping me cope with this?

[Emma09]

I see it that mummy is always there and daddy is a bit of a novelty.
My DD is exactly the same- always wants daddy.
I would expect that to change once you've been back at work a bit longer

[Rivlas]

As upsetting as this is, it is usually a faze. Kids often swap between one parent then the other.

It doesn't mean your're a bad parent nor do they not love you.

[*Efjay*]

My youngest is doing this. He is only 20 months & just the last month or so he has moments where he hates me. Like last night (one of many) around 1am he woke. He didn't want a bar of me & in fact, laid on top of DH as far away as possible from me. If I touched him he went nuts. He is doing this more & more. I think its because he seems me as being dependent on someone & he is wanting to be more independent but still needs comfort so to daddy he goes. I don't mind at this point though. Must be nice for DH to have one of the kids want him over me.

[Mother Goose]

hon. I have no advice. Just

[peanutter]

My DS1 swaps between DH and me as to who he wants ... and I think also, both of our love is so common place that it's assumed - it's part of his world view - but getting comfort or reassurance from someone external is meaningful, because it's on top of what is normally there, ITMS.

So while sure, an instant kiss better or attention or cuddle from us is de rigeur, if I've been working longer hours he wants me, not DH - and not because I'm mummy, but because DH is always available, and is so attentive.

This isn't because you're a bad mum - it's because you're a great one, and he know you're always there, and always love him.

[Frantelle]

See I must be a terrible mum, and I do suffer from enormous amounts of mummy guilt, because I work out of the home and really long hours and DH stays home and my DS does not want a bar of me.

No matter what it is he only wants daddy.

I feel your pain, and luke you I hope that it is a phase, but god it hurts like hell and it has reduced me to tears on more than one occasion.

[hj1981]

i see it as a maybe he knows it might upset you????, kids are pretty smart, and i think the know that mummy's may not be able to handle some things.

My girls always want daddy to take them to the doctor if they are sick, or for needles, or hurt. But as DH pointed out i tend to panic a little and fuss over them a little too much where as daddy is more of a "no nonsense, don't baby them" kinda guy, which i think they seem to apprechiate more?! does that make sense?

Thats my explanation for the hospital and sickness thing

but for the morning cuddles, and books, i would maybe go with the its a faze or a novelty.

As hard as it is, im sure your a great mummy, and before you know it they will be Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum all the time and you will want it to be dad dad dad again

[Liviam]

Thanks ladies. I'm trying to be brave and I just keep thinking as long as he is happy, safe and one of us are with him I'm ok. It's whatever makes him the happiest - that's what I'm telling myself.

[LuluHB]

Oh sweetheart. They're just little buggers aren't they. Miss I did this for probably 3 years. I could have flown to the moon but so long as R didn't go anywhere all was peachy. It then became my Mum for a while. Yeah great. Not even a "real" parent.

I have no advice because I remember being completely gutted and totally broken hearted. It certainly wasn't what I had expected - all kids aren't supposed to go to mum aren't they?? Apparently not. With Iz I've come to realise that she is just so damn confident and settled in her belief that no matter what happens, Mum will fix it/be there/get it/bring her or whatever, so when she says she wants R and only R she knows I'm still going to be there somewhere in the ether if she changes her mind.

Huge hugs love. I'll be thinking of you (and I guess Mr Monster W too!) on Wednesday

[Mildez]

My middle DD went though a faze like this. I am sure it was because I am the kids main career 95% of the time as DH works away and I'm the one that disciplines them 99.5% of the time. Mum is mean and Dad is cool. I had to have a serious chat with DH about it as it was completely unfair that I made all the effort and yet he got all the rewards.

[sangie]

Oh hun
I agree with what everyone else has said. You are a great mummy. Will be thinking of you all on Wednesday.