4 yr old fears/anxieties.... anyone have advice/suggestions/experiences/reassurance
DD1 has always been a "quiet" kid. Shes allot like me. She takes time to get to know someone/somewhere before she feels comfortable. She more often than not will paly on her own or with friends that she has known for a while. At the playground, she'll play on her own, even when other kids are trying to encourage her to play.
If she wants to play with her friend but they don't want to play, she gets sad and will sit on her own and try and hold back her tears. When I ask whats wrong she cracks and cries and tells me.
I'm sure that allot of this is normal behaviour for this age as kids start to learn about social structures, learning to deal with emotions etc.
Tonight though was wierd. We were reading a bedtime story that her grandma gave her. Her grandma has written a comment in there for her about how much she loves her. I read the comment and her bottom lip started to tremble, like she was going to cry. When I asked whats wrong her response was something along the lines of no she doesn't. I tried to tell her grandma loves her very much (mum sends her a voice msg every morning/night to say she loves her, they skype, mum sees her probably once every month or 2 and they talk on the phone regularly). She wanted to ring and have grandma tell her how much she loves her. It actually made me really sad. This is obviously something thats going through her little mind.
Even with us, she often cuddles up to me and asks me to sing her the love you song (A song that I have sung to her since she was little). It's like she needs the reassurance. She will come and sleep on the floor next to our bed during the night too. Almost like she needs to know that we are there.
I know that some of these behaviours are normal, but it got me thinking, if this is how she is feeling, what other anxieties is she feeling? I myself suffer with anxieties, I work very hard to try and make sure this doesn't come through to my kids. I don't want to project that onto them, thought tonights episode has got me thinking, maybe I am???? Am I contributing to this in someway???
Does anyone else have kids like this? What have you done to ease thier fears and anxities? Its starting to play on my mind more and more now.
You're a good mum and just keep telling her each day how much u love her. It might be just a stage she is going through that she needs extra reassurance.
Have you seen those recordable stories? I think Hallmark make them, i have seen them at newsagents. Maybe your mum could record one for her?
Hope someone can pop into this thread to give you some advice
My 4yo DS went through something similar recently, I had said "I love you" (As I do throughout the day!) and he said no, you dont, you dont need me... Just about broke my heart! He even said it to DP later that day, we both sat down with him and explained that we loved him very much (why?) and that we needed him, now we say "I love you, I need you" there was more to it, asking if grandpa loved him, if my parents loved him, etc, etc, then why?
It was kinda as if he suddenly realised that there was a possibility they didnt and he needed that reassurance from us (for a while pretty constantly) that he was loved and needed.
Thanks for the PM's girls.
She is constantly complaining of having a sore stomach. Do you think this could be related??
I had put it down to her being sick a while back and she would vomit once and be fine or yet another excuse to get out of bed a million times. Now she says to me that her tummy hurts and she feels like she is going to vomit (or in her word, bomit).
I'll talk to my dr about it when i'm there next too.
Ds1 did that after his little brother was unwell. I just kept going through with him how important it was to tell the truth and if he was always unwell we'd have to analyse his food or take him to the doctor etc. It took maybe 2 weeks to stop. He didn't actually have butterflies or anything. His was about finding a way to opt out of something he didn't want to do.
Have you talked to her about what butterflies are? How other people feel like that too? Does she feel her heart pounding etc. We were leant some kids books about 'when I am scared' and one about scary noises. Just to familiarise the kids with the fact that everyone has worries etc and things that scare me don't scare you and vice versa.
Hi bright Sparkles I just wandered if this is the post ive been looking for I don't know and if not im sorry to bombard your post ladies but im at a bit of a loss myself,my DD is 4 and she is the same,so sensitive and crys a lot and is funny about playing on her own she plays with DS her younger brother whos is 2 and half but even at kindy ive had problems and she'll go through real anxious times where she keeps asking am I a good girl mum over and over then cry and I just feel am I a harsh parent??for her to ask then she says to other kids are you my friend?well she used to a lot really bad in there face and if they said yes fine shed leavethem alone if not shed cry now she doesn't do that at kindy just plays on her own someone said they think she has a scensory or a sensitive child disorder and im so worried as she starts prep next year,my DD also has stomache aches a lot and goes into her room in the nude and has a soft blanket and just wants to be left and like she has a time out relax there ??anyone else have this?
Sorry to hear you're going through this.
We are currently going through testing and pead reviews to try and help us.
My dd sounds very similar. I have been offering reassurance when needed and also being aware of my reactions etc when dealing with her. Not sure if its the right thing but it appears to be helping.
Dd can verbalise when she doesn't feel good which is helpful to us but like you she also Goes to school next year so we are trying to get in top of it now
Our DS sounds exactly the same, takes him a long time to warm up to people and even people he knows he struggles to say hello to. He constantly says to us that he is shy and he doesn't want to speak to people. We have been reassuring him of a lot of things at the moment. Maybe its an age thing? We are going to keep him back a year from school to see if that helps.
Good luck, they sure are tricky little things!
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4 yr old fears/anxieties.... anyone have advice/suggestions/experiences/reassurance
there was more to it, asking if grandpa loved him, if my parents loved him, etc, etc, then why?
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