DD in distress on second day of school

[Mum2SweetCs]

Hi all
DD started kinder yesterday and was ok at drop off.

Today she cried sooo much was in so much distress pulling my pants and arching her back. She was the only one in the class

The teacher told me to leave she will be ok

I left crying so much my poor girl is in so much distress.

What can i do to improve drop offs?

Advice please
Im so sad

[Novella]

All children are different, DD1 is an anxious child and with her we would go in and put her bag away, I would say we can do 1 thing together then I need to go, once we had finished the activity I would walk her over to a teacher, tell her I was leaving give her a big kiss and a cuddle and go. The more I cuddled/longer I stayed the more distressed she got when I had to go, if I did the firm play/cuddle/kiss and go she would get a bit of a lip wobble but that was it, if I stayed and held her and drew it out she would get really distressed.

Ask the teachers for some advice they would have had this many times.

I also try not to let them see if I am getting really upset in these situations as it seems to fuel them, doesnt mean I didnt have a cry in the car every now and then. I hope you find a goodbye that works for you both really soon

I also had a 2.5 year old having a tantrum at the same time because she wanted to stay! After the first week I realsied I had to say "DD1 give me a kiss Im going you can stay" or DD2 would give me a peck on the cheek and bolt!

[danita]

Big hugs to you. I don't have any real advice as my DS starts Monday and I expect he will be the same. For pre school I allowed extra time to drop off and reminded him when I would be back to collect. I also talked about what was going to happen each day so he was excited. I'm sure she settled quickly and enjoyed her day.

[Chocaholic]

Did she enjoy her first day? Was there a problem that shook her confidence (i.e. someone was bossy, she felt ignored?).

I would talk to the teacher and see what they say. I would also ask how quickly she settled after you left.

[Heaven]

Oh that sounds heart breaking. I don't have any advice sorry but big

[Mum2SweetCs]

She has no friends at that school and she did mention that everyone was 5 and 6 years old. She is 4 going on 5 end of march.

Gosh i cant stop feeling upset!!!

She didnt say much about the first day of school.

This morning she was ok also.

It was only when we walked into the room and after she put her bag down she started getting upset and it escalated from there. Arghh

[LizLemon]

Oh how heartbreaking for you.

I can only offer perspective from when I was a littlie and I was like that - very attached to mum and the safety of mum was far preferable to the unknown of school. I do remember that the longer it dragged out the more upset I would get, and that once mum left I was pretty fine. It was like while she was there I was still in with a chance for her to stay longer or take me home, but once she left I just got on with it and would have fun.

I also remember one day when I was perfectly fine and she came to the school for some reason and as soon as I saw her I started crying and wanted to go home.

I guess what I'm saying is it wasn't anything at school that was causing the problem, it was just that mum being there was making me clingy. So unless she tells you something really obvious that has happened it's probably just separation anxiety.

I hope she settles soon, it must be very hard for you

[AnyDream]

My DD had a meltdown on her 2nd day of school too. I think the first day is blown up a by all the adults who are excited about it (well it was at our house, teenage sister and grandparents all making a big deal out of it), but really it's hard work for a little person. I found the best way to deal was to ask what was bothering her. For my DD, it was because she'd finished playing with something and didn't know what to do next, but she was feeling too shy/timid to ask someone. So we talked about how any time you don't know something you can just ask the teacher, and if you feel sad or scared or missing mummy you can also tell the teacher. Other things that can be daunting: joining a group to play (teach your DD to say "can I play with you?" and "my name is XXX, what's your name?" and then practice it for a few days with dollies or whatever). Then we talked about some of the things she might do during the day, and how we'll come and pick her up again at whatever o'clock. I don't know how long your DD was at kinder for, but you could consider just doing a week of half-days, as she might cope better with the longer days once she's a bit more familiar with everything. Keep the teacher in the loop, too. My DD can be very quiet and self-contained, so her teacher had no idea that she'd been upset, but once she knew, she could keep an eye on her and give her a few little boosts of extra attention to help her through the day.

[Mum2SweetCs]

Thanks ladies

When i picked her up she wasnt crying and the teacher said she stopped after i left.

I talked to her and she said because everyone is 5 and 6 again.

She has always been the older one in our social group.

I told her she will make heaps of new friends and she said she doesnt want to coz she has her old friends.

Then i asked if she was going to cry again and she outright said
"Yep!"

Kindy in NSW is primary school so she has to go everyday 8.50 to 3.10.

Hoping she gets use to it soon as mummy is going to stress out everyday!!!

[Arimeh]

I have no advice for you but lots of sympathetic hugs. DS cried nearly every single day of Prep for the first half of last year at drop off - and then he started up again towards the end of the year.

We switched him to a smaller school, closer to DH's uni - and he started this week. Tuesday he was ok, Wed, Thurs and today he cried and had to be pulled off DH's legs.

So absolutely no advice here mate, but I know what you are going through. I make DH take him in because I can't stand it - hurts too much.

[*Efjay*]

Thanks ladies

When i picked her up she wasnt crying and the teacher said she stopped after i left.

I talked to her and she said because everyone is 5 and 6 again.

She has always been the older one in our social group.

I told her she will make heaps of new friends and she said she doesnt want to coz she has her old friends.

Then i asked if she was going to cry again and she outright said
"Yep!"

Kindy in NSW is primary school so she has to go everyday 8.50 to 3.10.

Hoping she gets use to it soon as mummy is going to stress out everyday!!!

You could always wait till next year. If you think she isn't ready. She has to be in school the year she turns 6. So if she is that dead set about it would really consider if she is actually ready.

Personally all of my kids have been & will be 5 turning 6. I think the new national curriculum is too full on for a 4/just turn 5 yr old.

[Catastrophic]

DD1 did this too, for the most of last year... If anyone else like her Dad or Family day carer dropped her off she was fine...
So I had to be a little firm and tell her once the bell had gone I would take her into class give her a kiss and cuddle and leave her, most times she was sobbing as I left Heartbreaking but her teacher would call me 10-15mins later to let me know that she settled.

[2cheekymonkeys53]

Hi all
DD started kinder yesterday and was ok at drop off.

Today she cried sooo much was in so much distress pulling my pants and arching her back. She was the only one in the class

The teacher told me to leave she will be ok

I left crying so much my poor girl is in so much distress.

What can i do to improve drop offs?

Advice please
Im so sad

Hi there,

I am not normally a registered member of the forum but stumbled upon your post tonight! I just wanted to say that my DS was very much the same today. He was all happy yesterday and seemed to enjoy the day. Woke up fine today then on the walk to school started to say he was going home and not going to school. He cried in the assembly line (while i hid and cried too). Then we walked him to class and he took off. Was swinging his arms and legs, took off out of the gate. We had the principal and a teacher trying to help us. My husband ended up carrying him in screaming. We left and they locked the door. It was quite distressing. The principal and teacher both called and he calmed down in 10 mins.

I have had a few friends (2 are teachers) say it is not uncommon for the 1st day to go ok and then reality sinks in. It could be limit testing to see if you can take her home. Advice i have been given is rewards such as inviting a new school friend for a playdate on a Friday fun day if he has a good week at school. Tell him its the law (he told me school isnt the law if your name starts with D!). Also not feeding the behaviour by talking a lot about it. Just to keep positive and firm. He is onboard with the reward chart as we previously havent used one. It's so tough. I really was heartbroken this morning but also frustrated. Stay in touch with the teacher and see if she can buddy her up with another child that hasnt got friends there. My DS i think has found it hard as a lot of the kids know each other from preschool and he only knows one girl in another class.

Keep your chin up. Just wanted to say you aren't alone. I feel your pain! Good luck, Ange