I'm finding that amongst(sp?) friends with babies about the same age we are somewhat unusual and its got me feeling a bit unsure at times... feeling like I shouldn't talk about DD's sleep because its usually easy to get her to sleep, she stays asleep or will resettle easily. I know so many families who are having challenges around sleep and I really feel for them.
DD is 6.5 months and 95% of the time she loves her sleep. I'm avoiding saying shes a 'good' sleeper cause it implies a judgement. It's really common to read about families with sleep challenges so I'd like hear from the other side of the coin. I kinda feel like I'm all alone in having a baby who sleeps lots.
I'm interested to hear the experiences of other mummies who have children who like their sleep. Do you speak up in a group(like mothers group) or do you keep the fact that your baby/ child sleeps lots to yourself?
Nope, definitely not alone Look, it's tough. It's tough because sleep deprivation and a baby that doesn't sleep is pure hell, and from that stems a LOT of jealousy and judgement from those who don't have a 'good' sleeper. I've been on both sides of the coin. DD1 slept like an angel, by 6 weeks she was sleeping 6 hours at night, by 3 months it was 12 hours. She kept that up until she started teething at about 6 or 7 months. After that? Well, she's never slept a full night again, and there have been blocks of time, months and months, where it would take 3 or 4 hours of full on screaming and crying to get her to sleep. We tried everything bar CIO. Now she's getting there, but still a long way to go. I truly believed, when she was about 9-11 months, that I would die from the lack of sleep, the stress. It was so hard.
Now DD2 is pretty much the same as DD1. She'll sleep all night. She's just cut her first tooth at 4.5 months, and her sleep is a bit all over the shop as a result. So DH and I are pretty much preparing for the worst with teething. Might be different, but at least we're prepared.
I don't think you should have to not speak about your baby because of how others feel. There was nothing worse when DD1 was little than when I'd be rapt she slept so well, and people would bring me down with stuff like "oh, that will change, enjoy it while it lasts" blah blah. It might change, but it may well not. Even when DD1 was waking every 45 minutes all night for months on end, I was still happy for people whose babies slept well. A bit jealous, but still perfectly able to say "hey, that is totally awesome! Good work there Baby!"
I agree with PZ everyone asks me about DD sleep. Then when I say she sleeps 6-8 hours then wakes for a feed and sleeps another 4 everyone jumps all over it by saying it won't last. Now when people ask, which is the first thing everyone asks for some reason I just say yeah she's pretty good and leave it at that.
We have had a few shocker nights but not many and I so take my hat off to those mummas who get through that every night.
I know how you feel FL. Just the other night at my mothers group dinner, someone asked me how DD1 was sleeping and I sheepishly said "she's sleeping through and has been for some time now". I was a bit embarassed.
In fact, all my kids have slept happily and solidly on the whole. DS1 in particular would often sleep for 2 x 2 hours during the day plus 12 hours at night until he was 12 months! It was bliss.
One thing that I feel is that people say so often that it is normal for babies to wake during the night, that you feel like you have some abnormal freak of a baby who doesn't. Sometimes I want to say it is normal for babies to sleep too!
you're not alone and you definitely shouldn't feel guilty!!
my DD1 was a dodgy sleeper from day dot. DD2 has been a sleeper from day dot. she was terrible during the day but come night time she consistently slept 9-13hrs. whilst it has changed a bit since she turned 2 in Feb she still sleeps approx 10hrs. she does sometime wake 1-2 times a night but a pat and shhh and she resettles.
don't feel bad just consider yourself "lucky" - that's what i do!
eta: if ppl ask about my kids (moreso DD2) i do tell them that yep she likes her sleep but not in a "braggy" way. i also don't take to heart their response (if it's negative) because i think well who knows where they are in their journey and i try to comiserate with them because my DD1 didn't like sleep so I've been on both sides of the coin.
Oh I definitely wouldn't mind someone sharing! It would probably give me hope that these elusive babies actually exist in the natural world without the interference of sleep 'training' and CC/CIO.
So long as it wasn't prefaced by some insinuation that the baby sleeping was a result of some kind of parental superiority! If I had a good sleeper I would feel incredibly fortunate & grateful. Relish that precious sleeping baby!
My older girls are great sleepers.
They have gone to bed and go to sleep no worries for as long as I can remember.
They are now 8,6 and 5. All sleep in the same room. In bed by 6:30 and all fast asleep by 7:30 at the latest and they wake at 7am. Only when they are sick do they wake during the night.
Dd4 is only 3 weeks so can't say what she is like.
I consider my children to like sleep although they woke overnight for feeds frequently (especially DD1), they were both very easy to get to sleep and resettle. They never fought over sleep so it was not really a challenge or problem for us and we didn't want to make it one. They both had fairly long naps with resettling (say 2-3hr naps with one resettle during). My four year old still doesn't fight sleep when told it is time for bed, she never tries to come out of her room or stall with endless requests. Sleep in our house has always been pretty great, thankfully.
It isn't something I talk about unless it specifically comes up or I'm asked. I generally try to phrase it in a way to reassure people that multiple wakings isn't necessarily a negative and keeping sleep 'positive' has had long term benefits for us to maybe inspire others who are currently in the deep end that there is purpose to their investment rather than a straight out bragfest. Basically trying to emphasize that it wasn't the amount of sleep that made things easier but the attitude surrounding it and sometimes it can help others to redirect their focus also. I'm sure there are times it has made people annoyed and that's okay too, sometimes people need places to focus their frustrations.
I don't think you should feel uncomfortable talking about your child and circumstances, it is your truth. People can hold the capacity to commiserate and celebrate in equal fashion, it need not be one or the other. If people do respond badly then just remember not to take it personally and it is more about where they are in their journey than anything to do with you and yours. But because on the other side it is very difficult to be sleep deprived, sometimes it doesn't hurt to be mindful of that when choosing your audience. Although everyone should be able to share their stories (good and bad) without the other person automatically making it about them (and their own situation), sometimes people just aren't in a good place to separate things like that so it does take awareness from both sides to acknowledge that and act accordingly.
It isn't unique to sleeping either, there are lot of things people feel they need to hold back on publicly celebrating for fear of offending others (breastfeeding achievements, milestones etc) but I think it is something that should be less taboo when handled with care. When in doubt, just be completely honest "I really don't want to feel like I have to keep positivity about my child's sleep to myself but I feel guilty because of where you are at with yours and I really feel for you and your situation so I'm not sure what the best way to go about this is..."
My ds was always a great sleeper and still is I never thought of it as unusual and was quite proud of him but tried to not brag about it also yeah if people asked and I told them they'd say how it would never last etc.. Well he is 17 months now and just dropped from 2 2hr naps a day to 1nap and a quiet time so it did last , I don't know how other mums cope I take my hat off to them and I hope this next one is a good sleeper
My DD 1 was not a great sleeper - I think being an over anxious mum didn't help and in the end we resorted to less than favourable methods to break the cycle of constant waking, then screaming, constant resettling etc.... From about 10 mths to 18 mths (maybe a little longer) she was a great sleeper. Then when we moved her from cot to toddler bed, she could get out & it all went down hill again. She prefers sleeping with DH & I and I am just fine about it (well most nights unless she is really unsettled and keeping us all awake, which is rare). BTW she is nearly 6 yo now.
DD 2 on the other hand I consider to be a very good sleeper. Well, during the day she is a bit hit & miss but I am in & out of the house alot to take DD 1 to school and extra curricular activities, so her cycles are disrupted more. At night she wakes for 1-2 feeds but goes back to sleep by herself without any hassles and wakes around 7-7.30am. I consider myself to be very fortunate.
Having said that, people ask if she sleeps through the night all the time. I am honest and say no, because she still wakes for feeds. Depending whom I speak to generates either a 'oh, you are so lucky' or 'shouldn't she be sleeping through by now?, such & such is' or 'such and such sleeps 11 hours per night' responses.
I take a similar approach to PZ & Joeve - keep my response short and minimal. At the end of the day all kids are different and if you ask about their sleep you should expect different responses.
No you're not alone Our youngest who is almost 17 months old adores his sleep. He nods off on his own and always has done, even when he was tiny. I would try to rock him to sleep but he would wriggle and fuss, so there was hardly any resettling issues overnight. He still had overnight feeds when he was newborn, but where my first would feed every 90 minutes, Buster would only wake a couple of times. It wasn't long before he started sleeping through, I can't remember the exact week though. He has only just cut down to one day sleep which is usually 3 hours. He sleeps about 14 hours at night.
In saying all this I was up last night for half the night with him He doesn't always sleep!
When he was newborn people would ask if he was waking overnight. I'd say 'of course, he's a baby!' Then when he started sleeping through I'd answer honestly. Everyone I know, knows how difficult our eldest was and still is overnight so I was stoked to have one that slept!
I can totally relate to your post FL when I had DD1...
She was, from the get-go one of those crazy kids that just loved to sleep. i could take her anywhere, do anything and be totally 100% confident that she would sleep well and long. She was easy to put down for naps and would do 2 or 3 2-3 hour naps until she was close to 18 months
At first i just assumed that it was because i was an awesome parent raising a totally confident and self-assured kid (which i am of course and she is of course pmsl!), but then DD2 came along and threw alll of that out the window. she was a shocker and only started to sleep through the night at around 20 months...and stopped all semblance of day sleeps at about a year.
DD3 is kind of inbetween. she was, for 2 months a fantastic easy kid to get to sleep and stay asleep and i had a blissful couple of months of full nights of sleep (without hassle put her down awake!). But then she hit the 4 month sleep regression and we are on a total rollercoaster. she is still easy enough during the day but nights are pretty rough at times (in that she wakes often...thankfully all it takes is a quick BF each time).
But yeah, with DD1 i quickly realised that one does not mention ones 'good' sleeper i think it makes all the sleep deprived people out there want to weep ('cause i think i feel like weeping thinking back to all that glorious sleep i had with DD1 hahahahaha).
Also, i reckon that (and this from my own experience) people with kids that sleep easily etc they just dont talk about sleep that much either...because, seriously, what's to discuss IYKWIM. i remember being gobsmacked at mothers group how each session was dominated by 'sleep' talk. i couldnt understand how people were so obsessed...i didnt get sleep deprivation back then: I was still a new mum and was still tired so thought they felt like me...i just didnt realise how catatonic sleep deprivation was ITMS.
As you know FL I am not blessed with a great sleeper, but I certainly don't mind hearing about good sleepers - it's nice to know that they exist and I hope and pray we get there soon
I know the feeling! I have been blessed by a wonderful sleeper!
My common comment to people when asked is "he loves his sleep even more than his Mumma, thank goodness!" (and this Mumma loves her sleep!)
I have a close mothers group, and they all know how he is in this regard.
I am often cautious with what i say when the girls are having a vent about their bad nights, unfortunately for a few of them, 2 years on they are still having difficult nights.
It's a difficult one, especially in the early days when I wanted to contribute to conversation, but it was regularly about sleep, and I felt guilty that I got lucky.
Outside of my mothers group, when asked - I was often told my "good" sleeping baby, wouldnt last and enjoy it while it lasts, thank goodness 2 years on, it has lasted!
Last edited by sahbear; April 30th, 2013 at 08:26 PM.
Can I just say that as a mother of 4 crappy sleepers (and all 4 are still crap to get to sleep and none sleep through) that if anyone feels anything bad towards you for having a "good" sleeper then its their issue and don't take it as something you have done wrong to them
I have no ill feelings towards anyone who has a "good" sleeper, honestly, after this many years of sleep deprivation I don't sleep through the night myself any more! LOL
Be proud of your babies, and don't hide what they can do - its awesome!
Well I must say a huge thank you for all your kind words and sharing so openly with me. I don't feel like so much of a loner now.
It does have me wondering how much is nature and how much is nurture. I guess we'll never really know....
My DD has slept 7-7 from 6 weeks old, and the amount of times ive been told she is a "freak" or "weird" is out of control.
I remember at the start of mothers group, our second or third session, the facilitator asked how we settled our children to sleep, and everyone was saying their way of doing things and it got to me and i really didnt know what to say! i just said we were lucky enough to not have to worry and that she went to sleep on her own and i swear if looks could kill id be dead 8 times over!!! lol.....
i still feel embaressed that DD is the ideal sleeper, but boy do we make up for it in other ways she can tantrum like a crazy child and my mothers group friends now have the placid kids so roles have reversed.
i have said to DH i dont feel like ive been a real mum because i havent had those crazy times of sleepless nights and unsettled babies, i have no idea what it would be like!
Babies and Children who like sleep
Reply With QuoteLook, it's tough. It's tough because sleep deprivation and a baby that doesn't sleep is pure hell, and from that stems a LOT of jealousy and judgement from those who don't have a 'good' sleeper. I've been on both sides of the coin. DD1 slept like an angel, by 6 weeks she was sleeping 6 hours at night, by 3 months it was 12 hours. She kept that up until she started teething at about 6 or 7 months. After that? Well, she's never slept a full night again, and there have been blocks of time, months and months, where it would take 3 or 4 hours of full on screaming and crying to get her to sleep. We tried everything bar CIO. Now she's getting there, but still a long way to go. I truly believed, when she was about 9-11 months, that I would die from the lack of sleep, the stress. It was so hard.
He doesn't always sleep! 
she can tantrum like a crazy child and my mothers group friends now have the placid kids so roles have reversed.
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