Almost 3 year old playing during the night

[CoNNiE_Melb]

Our DS has been in a big boy bed for the last 2 months, in the last week we have noticed that he wakes in the middle of the night.

He turns on his light, leaves his room to get a book and then goes back and closes his door, gets back into bed and reads his book.
We have a day/night clock which solved the problem of him coming to our room too early in the morning, but this is a new issue.
We've noticed his general behavior during the day hasn't been as good as it used to be - not listening, a lot cheekier, spitting etc, and now we know why, he's not getting enough sleep at night.

Every piece of advice I have read is directed at kids who go into parents rooms and says to walk then back to their bed without a fuss. Well he's already in bed!! Haha

Last night my DH heard him at 1am, he confiscated the book and gently told him to go back to sleep, turned off the light and left the room. At 3am we heard him again - my turn! I got up and almost every light was on in the house, he clearly went searching for that book. I went in to his room and took away the toy he had in there, told him to go back to sleep, very sternly. It seems being tougher on him worked, because this time he stayed asleep till 7am.

Any suggestions or experience with this sort of thing? He's never had sleeping issues before, he falls asleep easily and still naps 2 hours in the day. Bed routine had been the same sknce 3 months old.

[Cass72]

This is my 3yo EXACTLY!!!

We bought the "okay to wake" clock and thought we'd solved our problem - he stopped coming into us.

But it appears he interperated it differently than we do! He sees it as "okay to go into mummy and daddy". At all other times he will (sometimes quietly) play in his room and usually either go back to bed or in his reading tent and fall asleep.

Now that I'm pushing the night-time toilet thing he will come into us, go to the toilet then happily hop into bed and close his eyes. We say see you in the morning, he says when it goes green and we shut the door. Judging by the state of his room most mornings, I can only hazzard a guess as to how many hours of actual sleep. He seems to spend an inordinate amount of time building, playing, reading, puzzles...goodness knows. I actually want to hook up a camera.

No suggestions. Nothing works.

I have tried:

• no talking/touching - wordlessly walk him back to bed with limited "touching", ie no cuddles, and turning off the light and closing the door
• being cranky - telling him very sternly that it is sleeping time and NOT time to be playing with his toys
• being understanding - telling him in a caring/sing-song voice that it is time for sleeping and that we will play tomorrow before turning off the light and closing the door
• being bad mummy - ignoring the noise and hoping he'll go back to sleep
• being bad wife - kicking DH unti he gets out of bed
• being tired mummy - can't believe I actually slept through what must have been a real wild party in that room!

DH has also tried giving him extra food before he goes to bed. We can rule out diet (as in too many sugar/preservative stimulants) as he has limited amounts of sugar and no preservatives. Except for the odd occasion he eats all homemade, fresh food and his diet is balanced.

I'm actually not going to be pressing the issue until I can take some time off work. I figure I will sleep on a mattress outside his door and the moment I hear him, I'll get up, do a toilet run if he needs to go, and then put him straight back into bed. I'll see how it goes. But I honestly can't do it while working fulltime. I'm shattered by Saturday morning.

Good luck! And, if you try anything and it works: patent it and sell it. You'll make millions!

[BellyBelly]

ROFL Cass!!!!

[Ladylove]

No advice at all, but your little ones sound very clever and cute! Of course I'm sure cute isn't a word I'll be using at 3am if DD starts this when she's their age

[Livinthedream]

Our ds did/does this too.
Fwiw, the spitting/backchat/general naughtiness isn't a tired thing, it's a 4 year old thing.
Looks like you have an early bloomer
It's the day nap that does it for us, no day sleep, no night wake.
But Kindy has a day sleep so we have to roll with it until he goes to school.
All the gro clock does is keep him out of our room before 5am.

[chody47]

Sorry, no advice, but I just wanted to say your kiddies are very clever to know they have to play quietly not to wake everyone up at night!

[CoNNiE_Melb]

So far he's been in bed for 2 hours tonight, but he's not keen on getting up while we're still up, he prefers to party at 3am.

Before he went to sleep I told him a story about a good boy who stayed in his big Elmo bed with his best friend Elmo blah blah.

I told him if he stays in bed he will get his favourite book back that DH confiscated last night. I also told him if he gets up, I'll put him straight into the baby bed (his cot is still in his room). Let's see how we go.

I agree, the Gro clock just keeps him out of our room.

[CoNNiE_Melb]

Cass, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at your comments! Lol

When all is quiet in his room I know something is up, I need to hear his deep breathing to know he's sleeping. The little rat bag plays silently!! It's only the closing of his door and the light that gives him away. Very clever and cute when we look back on it, but oh so irritating at 3am!!

[CoNNiE_Melb]

Ahhhhh!!!! So he's slept through 2 nights out of the last 5. I have slept 1 night out of 5. I fell asleep last night and I have no idea when he got up but he has been absolutely feral today.
I need a break so I've sent him to my mum's tonight - where he still sleeps in a cot.

I am going to try something very random, I'm going to put a sensor at his door (like at the fish and chip shop) and it'll make a sound in my room when he leaves his room. That way I can get up an walk him back - for as long as it takes.

My well behaved little angel has become a feral, rude, rough little pig! Even my mum called and said she is exhausted because he has been hard work all day.

[JLeigh29]

Was reading this thread and thinking...I WISH my DS would just happily play in his room at 3am. Instead, we get the night visits...sometimes up to 6 times a night. And yes, DS was a perfect sleeper until about three months ago too
But, not sure I want a feral little boy in place of my gorgeous son, so maybe you ladies have it equally as bad!

No advice, but I do hope your DS's aren't as stubborn as mine. We've tried praise, stickers, pocket money, bribes for afternoon tea from the bakery, the silent treatment, grumpy Mummy and Daddy, nice Mummy and Daddy, Grow Clock, countless stories about little boys/girls/animals who stay in their beds all night, pleading(!!!!)....with zero result! He says he doesn't want the reward that badly and would rather keep coming into Mummy and Daddy. What do you say to that?

Just a thought....can you somehow make it impossible for him to turn on the light? If its too dark, would that deter him? Any luck with stickers or some other positive reward? A friend got her son to stay in bed by enforcing a nap during the day (or quiet time in the afternoon) if he gets up during the night.

Would love to hear how you get on

[Cass72]

JLeaigh29 - nope, a darkened room would not bother my DS. The dark doesn't bother him at all.

ConnieMelb - if DS is feral, and it's a stay home day, I'll put him back to bed after breakfast. It's usually a really good indication that he's been up all night or up pretty early. He'll fight me all the way but once he's down he has a good sleep and will (usually) wake up happy. Not a solution as such, but it does get a feral kid out from underfoot!

Threats don't work.

Rewards don't work.

All of the websites have suggestions for kids who won't go to bed. We don't have that problem. DS2 willingly goes to bed. It's just keeping him in bed that's the problem.

We find him most mornings passed out in his little tent which put an idea into our head.

The little tent he has at the moment is a pop-up one and too small and I worry about him sleeping on the floor. I've ordered a children's teepee online from the US and it should be here mid-July. It's large. We are getting a mattress cut for it and he will, in all likelihood sleep in there. I'm making him some oversized cushions and some rugs (I've been busy crocheting). It will be his own private hideaway. A little nightlight (one of those battery operated ones that switch off after 15-20 minutes).

I showed it to DS1 (18yo) and he's jealous.... He though would prefer a "Tardis" tent. Hmmmm.... time to start googling I guess?!

[CoNNiE_Melb]

That's a great idea! If you can't change the behaviour, make adjustments to make it work.

Well last night he was pretty wrecked after a big day out, so he slept quite well, when I heard him get up this morning it was 7am (a time I have no problem with), but we have told him to stay in bed until 'the sun comes up' on his gro clock. So I go up and put him back to bed calmly and without saying a word. He stayed there till it was time to get up, came to our room and said 'mummy the suns up'.
So we had a pretty good night, however he still doesn't get his football and face book back because he got up before he was due to - he was a bit upset about that, but not enough for it to be a deterrent.

I still think the sensor on the door and just putting him straight back to bed will be our best option. Eventually he will give up, I hope!! Luckily he has no toys in his bedroom, so he has to walk out to get a book or something to play with.

[CoNNiE_Melb]

So we haven't got the sensor yet, because we have found at times he just turns on the light and then sits in his bed.

I thought he might be scared of the dark... although he said he wasn't, so I tried putting a night light in his room which caused him to cry, so clearly that wasn't the issue.

The only way we get a full and decent night is by going out all day (so no nap), and tiring the crap out of him! But we can't do that every day. We've tried taking toys away (he doesn't care), offered rewards (doesn't care), put him back to bed without speaking and giving attention - still gets up an hour later. Last night if it wasn't for him playing with a toy that makes noise in his bed at 2:45am, I never would have known he was up.

AHHHHHHHHHHH! This is so frustrating, and my biggest concern is that when the new baby comes home, he will be getting up and going to its room.

Any other ideas? Is my next step taking out the light bulb in his room and putting a gate across his door? Will he try to climb over it and hurt himself? We've already had an incident with the safety gate result in him needing 8 stitches and surgery.

[Cass72]

Short of tying them to their beds I don't think there is anything you can do. It seems to me that it's just a "some kids" issue. That is, some kids won't sleep through. Some kids like broccoli. Some kids are scared of the water. Some kids are fish. Some kids..... you get the picture.

I think you just get what's dished up to you.

Last night we had a quick cuddle in bed - goodness knows how long he was standing next to our bed but he was a bit of a frog - then DH took him back to his bed (he wouldn't stop with the touchingtheface ...argh!

Then we had a 1.45am - IT IS NOT PLAY TIME IT'S SLEEP TIME.

Then we had a 2.30am - here have a warm milk and a slice of bread and butter.

Then we had a 3.30am - here share a banana (he was huuuuuuuuungry - daddy that is)

Then we had a 6.30am - I'm a cranky, whiney 3yo because I didn't get enough sleep..... mummy thinks: suck it up sunshine!!

Are we allowed to tie them to their beds, oh and possibly gag them?

[CoNNiE_Melb]

Lol I wish! At 3:45am the other night I said to DH, I'm about to duct tape him to the bed!

I'm going to try a Tizzie Hall technique today/tonight. His cot is still in his room. I'm going to tell him that if he gets up, that's him telling me he wants to sleep in the baby bed. If he gets up, he's going into the cot for the rest of the sleep. That way he learns that he is making a choice and there is a consequence.

Wish me luck!!

I have no idea how you guys are doing food in the middle of the night... I would lose my mind!

[Cass72]

We try everything. Besides, if you can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em!

[CoNNiE_Melb]

In case anyone ever looks back on this, things that worked...
- Gro clock so he knew when it was time to get up.
- Putting the cot in his room and telling him if he gets up, he will have to go into the cot - and actually following through.

It only took about 5 days of getting up in the middle of the night when I heard him and putting him in the cot for him to realise I was serious and he was losing his freedom by doing this.

We no longer have any problems. His clock is set for 7:30am and even if he wakes at 7am, he stays in bed and talks to himself. Once he sees the sun, he's up!

[OceanPrincess]

Interesting... Our Mr 3 often wakes up and plays in the middle of the night, I've always just left him. Bad mummy here clearly! I can't force him to sleep, he doesn't have a day sleep and I can't use the cot threat as we now have DS2 in the cot but also DS1 can climb out of it, soooo, wouldn't work for us

If he needs something he comes down to us but most times I just hear him awake and he's just chatting away... In the morning I can find toys etc in his bed. But he's always happy enough...

I do go get him if he gets out of bed and turns lights on around the house, but mostly he just stays in his room so I just leave him be.

We do have a gro clock, which has stopped the 5am wake ups, but he still parties overnight!