I feel bad. Suggestions welcome

[aussienic]

Ds3 weighed himself the other day and he was 35kg (he turns 8 this month). He is a big boy but not fat. Just really solid. He loves his food and eats healthy but has large portions

Dh and I sat him down and said he needs to start watching how much he is eating and maybe slow down a little. We did tell him he eats all the right things (Most of the time) but he needs to eat a little less each time

Now he is obsessed with weighing himself and got excited this morning when it was down a little from last night. He cried last night when it went up after dinner, We did explain that of course it was a little higher at the end of the day because we have all eaten food, had drinks ect and to not hop on the scales again. His older brother weighs less then him and that made him upset but we explained that they have different body shapes

I now feel like I have created a problem that didn't exist and I don't know how to talk to him tactfully about it.

Help

[Kazzo]

Could you try taking the focus of food been the major issue and put the focus more on exercise. Start organising bike rides or bushwalks, see if there is a sport he wants to do.
If food is to hard for him to not focus on, can you do a meal plan with him?
Could you take the scales away so he can't always weigh himself and stick to once a month. Give him a realistic goal to reach for, 500g maybe since he is a growing boy.

Personally I don't own scales and never will. Been healthy is so much more then how much you weigh.
I hope you get someone else to help, I don't really have any experience.

[Phteven]

Hide the scales. You don't need them to measure fitness.
Work on increasing fitness; can he improve his speed running around the closest oval, how many laps of the pool can he do in 10 minutes?

If he's not fat then there is nothing to worry about - he has the build for shot put and weight lifting not gymnastics.

My DH has a strange relationship with food. He often talks about weight and I've noticed my sons doing the same

[aussienic]

I bought scales as my husband and I wanted to see how much we had gained :/. They were just on the table as I hadn't put them away yet. He is quite active and loves football, bike riding, scootering ect ect. He doesn't often just sit and we told him he is a lovely healthy weight and not to worry but just said instead of going back for a second helping at dinner time to go have a shower and a glass of water and see if he is still hungry after

I'm putting the scales away where he can't see them

[AnyDream]

Remove the scales. Really, don't have them in the house. Sit him down again & explain that this is not about weight, that you were trying to talk to him about healthy lifestyle choices, he is fine just the way he is, he has lots of growing left to do. Then teach him healthy lifestyle choices by involving the whole family. Do active exercise together. Teach your kids to have an extra serve of veggies if they are still hungry, teach them to include veggies in their snacks. Get the boys in the house to do some make bonding things like taking on a cross country jog challenge or something, together. But most of all, get rid of the scales.

[megs]

I have a similar situation in my house. My to eldest boys are 16 months apart but complete opposite builds. DS1 whomjust turned 8, is quite fine and average for height. DS2 on the other hand is taller than is brother, and also very solid, has a very broad back and chest and is thick. He is nearly 7. He currently weighs about 32kg. I worry as he has said a few times that he is fat (from comments at schools bout his size). I have had to explain that he isn't fat and that he is big and strong. Try to explain the difference in body shapes etc. he is very sporty, rides his bike, kicks footy, plays basketball etc. we have a focus on healthy eating, but try not to make him feel like he needs to lose weight. Sometimes I worry as he gets lodge in the tummy but invariably it is just before a growth spurt and the its gone again. I think I would remove the scales if its becoming about the numbers for your son. Maybe look at things like measurements, Height, waist etc.

[peanutter]

Yep, I'd piff the scales. Just throw it away. It's not a good indicator of health in kids, in my opinion (or adults often enough!!).

I'd talk about it in terms of energy - is he happy? Healthy? Active? Enjoying things? Doing a variety of activities? Sleeping well? Those are the things I'd be focussing on.

If he's a particularly visual person, it might also help to look at other people's shapes and sizes. Compare a footy player's build to a rugby player's, to a tennis player's, to a runner's, to an actor, to a teacher, etc. They might all have completely different body shapes and wear completely different sized clothes, but it doesn't mean some of them are healthy and some are unhealthy - who knows? They're just different. Health is about so much more than the numbers on the scale.

Coming from someone who has been fretting about being too big or too small since I was 6, I wish my parents had just chucked the scales away, and not brought up my weight at all, because I now look at photos of me then, and realise I was an average sized girl in an average size bunch of kids who was perfectly healthy but always thought there was something wrong, and now I'm trying to unlearn 26 years of mixed pop science and fad dieting tips and absolute rubbish, and get out of the concepts of food being "good" or "bad" and exercise being a chore.

By all means, encourage sports and whatnot - but in terms of activities which are fun and good things to do for general reasons - whether it's social or releasing energy or getting your competitive on, or getting fresh air and sunshine, or whatever.

Completely take the "weight" and "fat" notions out of the equation.

And if you and your hubby are working on losing weight too (and hey - DH and I are doing the 12WBT together this cycle, so I get it!) I'd be trying to not have him exposed to that side of the conversation either. Unless there's something medically wrong, or he's grossly obese (which you're saying isn't the case) I just don't think it's helpful at his age.

Don't beat yourself up about it - you had no way of knowing how he'd react - but a 7yo shouldn't be trying to (let alone getting excited about) losing weight.

Hope you're able to find some good solutions soon - and good luck with your and your husband's steps to get healthier too

[Rivlas]

I have 5 brothers and all ate every meal as if it was their last when they were young. Only 1 brother is bigger but he is also a completely different build to the other 4. The eldest who is 60 is as skinny as a rake and has trouble putting on weight.

As you can see everyone has a different sized body so will have different weights. As long as he is eating healthy food, is well and exercises I wouldn't worry.
One thing we did for ourselves was to buy smaller sized plates so we ourselves wouldn't be overeating. We also reduced the size of the meat portion and increased the vegetables.
Having plenty of fruit available for after meal snacks helps. Often when told to have fruit instead of more main course, they suddenly realise they are not really hungry but eating for the sake of it.
In winter we all put on a bit of weight compared to summer as we are more active and outdoors more.

[aussienic]

I'm not overly concerned about his weight. It just seemed to be heavy for a child of 7 nearly 8. He eats a lot of fruit but the dentist has told us we need to cut back our kids fruit intake. Ds3 can easily eat an apple in under 2 minutes. He eats fast.

We are trying to teach him to eat slower and not go back for seconds but I don't want to make him feel any worse then he does about his body. I feel as though I am starting him a path of worrying about his weight. We have told him he is simply a different build and explained how everyone has different shapes and heights ect. Like having different hair colour

Scales have been put away and he starts auskick this afternoon with his sister and school. I am sure he will be starving when he get home so ill cook extra veges .

I am amazed at what this kid can eat though. He can sit down for say an afternoon snack and eat an apple, mandarin then ask for a carrot and then still eat more then what I eat at dinner time

[Phteven]

My son can eat more than me.
We try our best to keep junk food out of the house and just let them eat as much as they want.
My boy worries because all the other kids are bigger than him. His Dad and I aren't tall people so he'll just have to learn to deal with being short.

[AnyDream]

Re the afternoon snacks - there's not a lot of hunger-busting in an apple + mandarin + carrot. For hunger-busting, introduce some lean protein (yoghurt, boiled egg, dairy) plus some healthy fat (eg nuts) and of course veggies/fruit for the sensation of eating bulk. Perhaps if he had something a little more sustaining in the late afternoon he would slow down a little at dinner time? I often give my kids a hot snack of something savory & filling like a cup of homemade soup and it seems to get everyone through better than just handing over fruit everytime they whine.

I'm going off on a bit of a tangent here, but I am an overweight person with a large appetite, and various reading + dietician conversation has lead me to the conclusion that there are a number of things involved in controlling hunger. Some people naturally have much lower satiety levels than others. These people will eat more food, for a longer period and then report being hungry again sooner than other people. Switching this hunger off (or at least turning it down) involves a combination of low-GI only carbs, a large amount of fibre in the gut (eg bulk veggies, wholegrain), plus frequent small amounts of protein and most importantly healthy fats. Including the protein and the healthy fats without exceeding the ideal # of calories is the challenge.

ETA - on another tangent - I have often thought to myself how mad we all are having our well-rounded dinners at dinner time. Surely it makes sense to provide that food earlier in the day when your body is actually active and using it?? Do you think your son might cope a bit better having a larger (ie non-sandwich) lunch and then having a smaller light-type meal at night?

[Rivlas]

What you say MD makes alot of sense. My mum, as a young child ate their main meal for lunch. They were farmers and the men then went back into the fields and worked off their huge lunch.
When DH retires we are going to try this and see what happens. I know when I have had a big lunch I only need something small for tea.

[wysiwyg]

ETA - on another tangent - I have often thought to myself how mad we all are having our well-rounded dinners at dinner time. Surely it makes sense to provide that food earlier in the day when your body is actually active and using it?? Do you think your son might cope a bit better having a larger (ie non-sandwich) lunch and then having a smaller light-type meal at night?

I agree we try to eat at lunch time (taking cooked meals to work etc.) and have lighter tea. We lived in Spain and this was normal and agreed with us far more - DH especially struggles with eating main meal at night finds he doesn't sleep as well. It is one of the reasons why I wish schools did school dinners rather than taking lunches in - I grew up with school dinners and wish they were available here more.

[Pholi]

I found this a really interesting thread, and the only thing I can suggest in addition to the wonderful advice above is to make second helpings not available - perhaps for anyone in the family.

[LuluHB]

The only thing I would suggest that hasn't already been said is add water to his meal times if you don't already. He has a glass of water with his dinner. He drinks it. If he wants seconds, he drinks another glass of water, then sits for 5 minutes. If he still wants seconds then the kid's hungry so give him some food (provided its healthy of course). My DD1 will go through stages of wanting enormous amounts of food and then will go back to surviving on thin air. I don't think you can regulate food for growing children the same way you can for an adult.

If you and your DH are trying to lose weight don't talk about it as "losing weight". Say you are trying to feel healthier and get fitter. The way you treat yourself and think about your own body is going to be an enormous part of how he thinks about his.