thread: Am I overreacting?

  1. #1
    You were RAK'ed in 2015.
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    May 2008
    with the fairies and butterflies
    2,535

    Am I overreacting?

    Dd1 is almost 6yrs and in kindy.
    She has a friend, T. T has an older sibling and is a bit more freedom than we give dd1. T's older sibling is allowed to use her dad's mobile to call her friends. T's dad has my mobile number because it was on dd1's birthday invite.
    Anyhow last Friday, T rings dd1 after school, I put her on the phone saying she had to be quick because it was almost dinnertime.
    9 phone calls later, almost every one was missed by us, I put my phone on silent. This was also after dd1 explaining to T she had to go because of dinner and other things. I had more missed phone calls that night. (My phone is often on silent at night so it doesn't wake the kids)
    Last weekend we went away, remote area, no phone service so I had my phone turned off all weekend. When I finally turn it back on there is another 10 missed calls and voicemails. The last voicemail was the dad being rather aggressive with me about not answering the phone because T wanted to chat.
    Today I see the dad, I apologise for not answering the phone and explain why, he huffs and says well when you see my number come up its because T wants to talk to her and you should answer it.
    I'm rather annoyed, for lack of a better word. Dd1 isn't allowed open access to our phones, we don't think it's necessary for kindy kids to be calling each other every day to chat, that can wait for now, she's only a kid once. Also our afternoons are filled with playing with siblings, homework, jobs and family time.
    The whole thing is unsettling to me, honesty after the weekend I wanted to change my number, and every time it rings I get anxious.
    Would you let your 6yr old open access to your mobile? To chat to friends all afternoon? Does it sound like they have overstepped boundaries, and am I overreacting?

  2. #2
    Administrator
    Add Rouge on Facebook

    Jun 2003
    Ubiquity
    9,922

    Yeah no you aren't overreacting. Sounds like a parent who doesn't know how to keep their child entertained so lets them call friends. DS has a friend like this. I don't know the mother and can only assume they got my number from the school list. I now know her number and ignore it if I see it. Weird.

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Dec 2008
    8,986

    You're not overreacting at all. DD had a friend like that too, she'd even leave weird messages complaining that we're never home when she rings. One day she rang and I told her not to call as much because we were busy. She didn't call back lol.

  4. #4
    You were RAK'ed in 2015.
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    May 2008
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    Thanks rouge, and I think you're right. I know a bit about T's family situation and sometimes I really wish I could change it for her.
    I'm really thinking I'm going to have to screen calls for a while, and I hate that.
    This afternoon I was offended that he didn't believe me about being away, and that I was purposely avoiding phone calls.

  5. #5
    You were RAK'ed in 2015.
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    May 2008
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    Thanks tinks, I may have to say something to her if it keeps up, gosh I hope she gets it before I have to say something.
    What's annoying to, is they use my number to constantly call, but couldn't be bothered escaping to dd1's party.

  6. #6

    Nov 2007
    Earth
    4,434

    Hooley magooley, that's my nephew's age and I can't imagine him ringing friends at all - to him they're just school friends, not home friends! Maybe there's a compromise there - she can ring at a certain time on certain days only, the days that are convenient/appropriate for you?

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Dec 2006
    Melbourne
    3,737

    Dd1 is 6 and never calls anyone without asking and even then its family most of the time unless its a friends birthday. I wouldn't be happy with a friend calling non stop like that.

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Jan 2010
    1,975

    We had precisely this issue with one of my DS's mates at the same age. Very annoying. I spoke to the parents and asked them to not allow their own DS to call my mobile except in an emergency and told them flat out that 10 calls a day was driving me nuts, not to mention very disruptive when I was at work. The next time the child rang I told him that my DS couldn't talk and that I did not want him to call my mobile again. The problem ceased. It might be a bit more difficult if the parents of the child who is calling are not on the same page as you! I would still speak to them and ask them to not allow their child to call your mobile. Tell them that your own child is not allowed to use your mobile phone and that you are finding the numerous incoming calls disruptive and annoying.

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Nov 2003
    SE Melbourne
    326

    Have to say that is just super weird!! My youngest DD is 8 and she has a couple of close friends but they very occasionally ring, but only on the house phone. I would block their number on your mobile, apparently you can do it! That way they will never be able to get through and eventually give up!!! After school is usually a chaotic time in most households and not everyone has time to sit around and chat! What would a child have to talk about at 6 that needs so many phone calls, is it really that important or are the parents just not interested enough and give their kids the phone to keep them quiet?

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Dec 2007
    Sunny Qld
    14,682

    I don't think you are overreacting at all - thats just weird!!! DS is 6.5 and has a best friend at school, but they don't ask to ring each other and if I was treated like you were by the parent, I'd be tempted to go whack them over the head lol

  11. #11
    Registered User

    Jun 2009
    in the Capital
    1,478

    Nope. Not overreacting.

    And, judging by his actions, clearly not a reasonable adult that you can talk to. Block the number and see where things go.

    Some people are weird....

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Jul 2005
    Sydney
    7,896

    DD1 is 7 1/2 and has never had a ph call to my mobile from a friend. I have trouble getting her to talk to family interstate on the ph! lol So I don't think you're overreacting at all. I'd find that really weird.

  13. #13
    Registered User

    Nov 2008
    in the ning nang nong
    12,163

    That's very odd.

    If someone wants to call my kids (now, or any time really ... this will still apply until they're 35 and have their own mobile phones!) they can do it on the home line, and even then it's not open slather for how much time they can use the line for.

    Definitely his issue, not yours love.

    And as others have suggested, if they call back again, I would simply say that this is Franny's mother's phone, and please don't call for Franny on this line. Ta taa.

  14. #14
    2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.

    Apr 2010
    In the mad house at loopy land
    1,230

    Thats sooo weird!! None of my children have a phone or use my phone like that. They have on the odd occasion had a friend call me so i could talk with their parents to make sure a sleep over was ok but that was it.

  15. #15
    Registered User

    Apr 2006
    Perth
    4,203

    Um, she's 6. She doesn't get phone calls! If my 6 year old wanted to call one of her friends I'd be saying nup, you'll see her at school tomorrow lovie. Talk then. Obviously if you need to change arrangements for a play day or whatever then that's a different story if the kids want to have a very (and I stress very) quick chat.

    I think the father is way out there in Oddsville. To have a go at you for not answering and therefore upsetting his little princess is really wrong. I would be saying that its my phone, for my use, and that I don't want my kids developing the habit of using the phone at this point in their lives. Having said that, I acknowledge that I'm also probably a bit more backward in this regard than many people are. My kids won't be given mobile phones any time in the foreseeable future, do not use my phone to play games on etc.

  16. #16
    Registered User
    Add ~clover~ on Facebook

    Sep 2007
    travelling
    9,557

    Um... DD1 is 11.5. She hardly calls anyone! Every 3 or 4 months a friend from back home will call her, or if there is a sleep over planned, they might phone each other. But usually I'll either text the parent, or see them at school.

    But my kids are in a small school, so they play with the same kids those 5 days a week, then they have sports & spend all day Saturday with those kids. Then us adults will usually get together at least once a week. So they see each other then, and THEN there's after school sports 2 days a week Plenty of time.

    I would feel weird too.

    DD's friends all have mobiles & facebook... poor deprived DD

  17. #17
    You were RAK'ed in 2015.
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    May 2008
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    Thank you all

    I talked to dh about it, and he agreed with me and all of you.
    The next day we all went down to school for drop off, which is pretty normal. We got talking to a mum who I was walking with when the conversation with this dad occurred. She brought it up with dh saying that she was mortified as to how this dad had talked to me and that she had wanted to intervene but couldn't work out if I wanted her to

    Since then my phone has been on silent at home, and I've managed to avoid this dad for the rest of the week.

    The topic of phones was brought up tonight by the kids. Was funny because I explained that dh and I don't them to have or use mobile phones until they are 18yrs. Dd1 agreed with me saying that only adults need them and kids don't. She had a rather long explanation of why kids don't need phones and why she doesn't want to use them. I was proud that she was able to have the talk with me and her sisters instead of me telling her, if that makes sense?