This week we were at the public library. When we arrived there was a mother and her 3 kids (say 8, 6 & 3 ish). DD chose her books and afterwards went over to the little toy box they have there. She picked up a toy and began to play with it. The 3 year old flew over from across the room screaming at her that it was 'mine', trying to tug it out of DDs hands. The mother slightly lifts her head from the half asleep position she's in on the chair nearby.
DD replies with 'no, it belongs to the library and everyone can play with it'. The kid doesn't let up. The mother says kids name 2 or 3 times in a monotone voice. Kid continues screaming at DD for about a minute. At which point I explain to DD that we will just go and play in the garden instead. I had no idea how to handle this situation! I wanted to say to the mother to come and get her freakin kid, I wanted to tell the kid that 'hey, hang on a minute it isn't yours and DD had it first'. Anyway we left, DD asking me 'are they everyones toys to play with?' 'am I still allowed to play with them?' etc. Then within 5 minutes they were out in the garden after us
I see it that you showed your DD how to be the bigger person. I would have probably done the same and removed my child. The mothers lack of attention and her childs aggression would have me thinking there would be more problems if we remained in the same area.
How I think I would handle it - I would calmly and gently get down to child's level and explain that your DD is playing with it and when she's finished then she will put it back for other child to play with.
How I probably would handle it - do what you did!!
Sometimes we do what is easiest at the time. Our kids are resilient and they understand that injustice occurs. But it doesn't mean that they will try that behaviour on later to get their way.
See, I would 'like' to handle it gracefully like you did.
I would 'probably' tell the other kid that they were for everyone and they would have to wait their turn....and then I'm stuck with the fallout from the narky mother who has less etiquette skills than I do.....
I seem to lose my composure a bit when other people can't manage to ...um...guide ..their kids and mine is being attacked.
A similar thing has happened to me before - at that age kids know that that's not acceptable behaviour, DD is just over 2 and wouldn't snatch and scream over toys that aren't hers. We were in a play cafe type thing when DD was nearly two, and she got pushed off the steps of a little play house thing. I saw the other child's mother watch the whole thing, but DD git up and went to something else. The little girl followed, and snatched the ball DD had picked up. Other mum went back to her phone, DD went to look for something else. She then got pushed off the rocker she was on and had had enough, she started crying. The other mum said that's not nice, and went back to her phone!
So I went to DD and picked her up off the floor. I stood her up and hugged her, with the other little girl (maybe just under 3) just standing there. So I said to her it's not nice to push or snatch, she'd made DD very sad and we all need to try and share the toys and equipment nicely. She just stared then ran away. There's no way the mum couldn't have heard given how close she was, she just didn't care.
I'd probably have done similar in your situation given that your DD was being completely disrepected and bullied, and the mum didn't care. I'd have stood up for my DD if the other mum wanted to have a go, but as you didn't let it get to that your option is probably better than mine! And I agree that it shows your DD to be the bigger person, especially in a public place, and you were able to explain the situation to her after.
I would just say "the library toys are for everyone. DD is having a turn right now, and when she's finished, you can have a turn." If he'd taken it, I would take it back, pretty much repeat what I'd said, maybe along with something like "it's not okay to snatch toys away" and then distract one of them or the other. My DD has a tendency to just shrink in this kind of situation, and I won't let her be bullied. If another kid isn't really being supervised, then I often assume that role. If the other parent doesn't like what I say/do, well, they can step up.
Yeah, a child that age 'should' understand how to share but if they don't know then it isn't really their fault, they might not have had anybody role modeling it for them so how are they to know? Or they could know but are tired, cranky, in need of attention; kids are all still learning and will never be perfect all of the time so I would try to interact in a positive way with the other child, something like "Oh DD1 it looks like this boy/girl isn't quite sure how sharing works, how about we show them and help them understand, they can have a turn first and then you can have a turn or maybe there is something we can play together?". Compassion and understanding can go a long way. I wouldn't snatch it back off the child, that is a confusing message imo. If that didn't work I would offer something different to do or take my DD1 elsewhere like you did, explaining that what the other child did isn't okay but they are probably still learning or having a rough day and let DD1 know I was proud of how she shares.
Moderator
What would you do?
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks