I want to send something, but it's a difficult situation...
One of my sisters is in hospital at the moment. Long story short, she had an emergency hysterectomy 2 days ago. She's 27.
If it wasn't a difficult situation, I'd be up in a flash. However, she doesn't want to see me. Well, I haven't asked her about this particular situation, but given the violence with which she's made it known in the past, I'm pretty sure she won't want to see me, and I don't want to antagonise her. But I want to do something, acknowledge it in some way. Send flowers, or a hamper? What do you send to an estranged sister that almost died through malpractice?!
Re: I want to send something, but it's a difficult situation...
You don't do anything. It is not about you. If she doesn't want to know you and has made that clear in the past, then stay the hell out of it.
If her feelings were "violent" in their magnitude, then a bunch of flowers or a hamper is going to be seen as ridiculous, given the gravity of the situation.
I don't know the history, but I would suggest if you actually want to reach out, a heartfelt letter would be much more suitable.
Of course, this is just my personal view, but if a severely estranged family member sent me a hamper after I had just almost died, and was grieving the loss of my fertility, I might just want to throttle them.
Re: I want to send something, but it's a difficult situation...
I kinda agree with Lime. Be careful that you don't antagonise her ..... I suggest a simple card - handmade if its your thing, and a simple message
"I know things are awkward between us, but I wanted to say I was thinking about you and wishing you a speedy recovery" or something, acknowledge the difficulties without talking about them too much AND sending your wishes without it being too corny. But you know her best, and you are you and should not have to apologise for that. So if you want too send flowers or soemthung that's actually okay - because this gift is about you needing to express your care for her. Just be careful it doesn't rub her up the wrong way, and try to imagine yourself in her headspace, what would SHE appreciate from you?
Re: I want to send something, but it's a difficult situation...
I understand what you're saying LS, but knowing how much it hurt me when she didn't acknowledge any of my losses, it doesn't sit right with me to ignore it.
I think you're right Myturn, a card would probably be best. Then it's up to her if she even wants to open it.
She'll be out of hospital next week, maybe I'll organise for a cleaner to come around, or get Mum to deliver some meals for her so she doesn't hafta do anything. She doesn't hafta know it's from me then
Re: I want to send something, but it's a difficult situation...
Being on the other side, as the ones who cut the ties, if we received something from the people we cut ties with, there is no way under ANY circumstances that we'd want to hear from them. Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear.
Re: I want to send something, but it's a difficult situation...
In my experience (I cut ties with my mum) I resented her contacting me last week when I was in hospital. I found it was more about her than about me & it took a lot of control to not respond & tell her to bugger off. Sorry.
Re: I want to send something, but it's a difficult situation...
Send a card it's unobtrusive but also let's you know you have her in your thoughts. I am on the other side too, and have had family who previously stopped talking to me because I cut ties with my mum send cards and texts. I don't have a problem with that but wouldn't be able to cope with phone calls or visits.
Re: I want to send something, but it's a difficult situation...
We don't know the circumstances for the cutting of ties with your sis but obviously you still love her and care about her well being. I don't think the cleaner is a good idea and sending food with your mum might put her in the middle.
Send her a simple heart felt card/ letter. It's her choice in how she reacts or feels about it but at least you have done your best to let her know you still care about her. You don't have the power to change other peoples behaviors, reactions or choices but you certainly have power over your own.
Send the card with the thought that it might not be appreciated but then again it could be a stepping stone to reconciliation.
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I want to send something, but it's a difficult situation...
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