Dummy - to keep or not?

[chody47]

I'd love some thoughts and advice here, especially from people who's child had had a dummy long-term.

DD1 (approaching 3) loves her dummy (or should I say dummies). They not only help her go to sleep, but they help soothe her when she's sick, help calm her when she's hurt and help calm her in stressful and unknown situations (she had one in her mouth constantly in Thailand).

When she was about 18 months we made dummies more if a sleep only thing as opposed to having one in her mouth all day (as she'd previously been doing). We occasionally bend the rules such as in situations mentioned above.

Anyway, my current dilemma is she's approaching 3 and still uses a dummy. When I had her I honestly thought it'd be long gone by now. I am so conflicted as to whether we take it away or not. It's not like she has an issue with it.....it's totally us and what we think we 'should' be doing. Teeth-wise, I asked my dentist and he said so long as they no longer have it when they start getting all their next lot of teeth it's not really an issue.

So, what do I do? Take it away now? Keep it a bit longer? Hope she will grow out of it one day? Anything else?

[~Hestia~]

I guess it's one of those situations where you do whatever works for you, hard I know. Moo was 3 before he gave up his beloved 'golly' and I used to worry about it! In the end he went into a proper single bed as opposed to a toddler bed, at which point we said 'no gollies in big boy beds!' and he was fine with it.

[Janie71]

My DD1 gave hers to the Dummy Fairy at 4yo. She was only using for sleeps, but after her being such a problematic sleeper up until 2.5yo I was loathe to mess with what was working. So I waited until she was able to understand and negotiate with a bit more. Good luck!

[LittleGem]

I wish I knew what to do. DD1 has just turned three and still has hers. She wants to give it up, but struggles to get to sleep without it. It was only ever for sleeping and now only sleeping in bed (car one is gone). Like Janie71's DD, she only started to be reasonable to get to sleep two months ago, not sure I can bring myself to mess with it.

[chody47]

Thanks for the input.

DD1 will begrudgingly fall asleep in the car without one, so I guess that's a start.
She's always slept extremely well, so I hate the idea of possibly messing with it! On the other hand, she was extremely attached to her sleeping bag and I thought we'd never get her out of that, but when she moved into a big girl bed with Dora everything, she was happy to go without it....

[~Kim~]

My two older kids had theirs until well over 3. I couldn't see the issue with it, but I really took umbrance at all the random strangers and other people who thought it was their business to tell my child what they should and should not be doing.
I was the same as you. Why mess with what works.

[YoYo]

My DS had two, one for his mouth and one he would rub on his face (cute now I remember it!).

He gave his to his beloved rubbish man just over age three. We obviously talked him into it over time (as well as saying I wasn't buying more when what he had got holes in it) but he ultimately decided to throw it away into the big bin after his other favourite thing, the lawn mower man had dumped his grass clippings in the bin.

I guess you'd have to put 'conditions' on it for what you think is right for her. It will definitely happen

[HotI]

Thanks for the input.

DD1 will begrudgingly fall asleep in the car without one, so I guess that's a start.
She's always slept extremely well, so I hate the idea of possibly messing with it! On the other hand, she was extremely attached to her sleeping bag and I thought we'd never get her out of that, but when she moved into a big girl bed with Dora everything, she was happy to go without it....

What does she say if you ask her? Is there something she would like to swap the dummy for?

[xXHopeXx]

Just a thought chody, does she still go to daycare? If so, does she still have a dummy there?

[chody47]

Just a thought chody, does she still go to daycare? If so, does she still have a dummy there?

She does go and I do send one with her. She rarely sleeps there anymore (she rarely ever naps), but if she is tired then its there or, on the odd times she gets really upset (the other week she came down with an ear infection whilst there) they help to calm her. I'd feel bad for daycare if I didn't send any with her.

[xXHopeXx]

Ahh fair enough. Our daycare has a policy that they can't run around with a dummy, it's only for sleeping essentially (OH&S or something, in case they fall and break their teeth or something). At daycare, DD doesn't have a dummy at all, she used to, then one day she fell asleep of her own accord without a dummy, and she hasn't had one since! I think it helps that there are lots of other kids, who also don't have dummies (or whatever the situation) and they like to go along with the flow! So i was going to see whether or not she uses one there (DD still naps every day, and does at school too), and if not, what they do, and try to copy, or even just say "you don't have a dummy at school, do you?"
If she's still quite attached, maybe just mention to her about getting rid of it soon, and get her used to the idea? We did that for DD, and made dummy only for sleep. That's it, not to comfort, not when she's sick, etc. only sleep, and that's helped a lot too. Doesn't mean she doesn't try and stash them, or find them and have one though but i'm trialling not using a dummy atm, and she went down no worries without a dummy, so fingers crossed!

[MrsFabuloso]

We gave ours away to the dummy fairy. DD was well over 3 and DS1 would have been about 2. At the time, I was very pg with DS2 and reallyw anted to get rid of the dummies before he was born. Plus, DD's teeth were starting to get pushed out from having a dummy and she was getting ridiculously attached to them (as in, one to hold in each hand, one under her pillow and one in her mouth. And trying to get her to talk without one in her gob was all but impossible!! My kids were all terrible sleepers and I was petrified we were going to seriously regress if I changed things, but it had to change.

We slowly limited the use to bed time, and then introduced rules of only having one for bed time, and then to only going to sleep....I had also been leaving little comments with the kids for a while about the new born babies needing their dummies, and that the big kids had to give the dummies to the babies, that big kids didn't need dummies blah blah. Then we set a time to get rid of them, that both DH and I would be home and would be very available for the kids to have us for comfort if they needed it. We said the dummy fairy would come and take the dummies and leave a little present.

In the end I was more stressed out about it than them, and they were fine with it all! The dummy fairy came and left the kids a little toy each and a letter thanking them for their dummies and that they would be given to some new babies who needed them more.

Good luck with your decision it's really tough to take away something so treasured by your child.

[~clover~]

I know a friends DD gave her bottle up for santa & her 'do do' up for her birthday 2 months later. Pretty sure she was around 3. Til then she carried 3 most places she went.

But DD3 just won't give up her bottle (cup with lid) & I'm over it. I'm over losing it & having to search the house for it. It settles her when she's sick or feral, but if we can't find it, she looses her ****. If she doesn't have it, its usually hours before she'll stop crying & sleep at night. Occasionally though I can get away with it. I think I'd prefer a dummy. Especially in this heat... milk isn't pretty smelling in the mornings :/

I'm just doing it coz it works atm, but I really hope she gets over it soon!

[chody47]

Hope and MrsFabuloso - thanks for the great ideas.
Hope - I could try no dummy at childcare (especially since she is moving up to the big room next month) and say she doesn't need it because she's in the big girl room?

It's nice to know that other people who also thought it would be a big deal have found it not too bad. I think I'll start mentioning about not needing them as much and mention a 'dummy fairy'. She recently found out about the tooth fairy (from Peppa Pig) and has been asking about that and wanting her to come, so maybe she'd like a visit from the dummy fairy instead?