Anxious Child Starting Prep (First Year School).

[TwoDarlingGirls]

Hello! First post

I have a gorgeous, gregarious yet anxious child (4 1/2).

Under a mental health plan, we were able to access a psychologist to assist with strategies for certain behaviors but due to finances, we had to stop.

We have been on a waiting list here in QLD for Child Development services for an assessment which will hopefully provide us with assistance through the public sector.

I am presuming that in school, she will get some assistance too?

But for parents with anxious children - was there something you wish you had known or done in that first year of school that would've helped your LO in the transition?

Thanks in advance.

[Artechim]

I delayed the school start by six months. He was so over the top anxious about it that sending him would have been a disaster. Six months later he was in a much better place and we didn't do lots of preparation the second time round - he tends to do better when he is given little warning so he doesn't have time to dwell and overthink it all.

She is very little still, I would suggest looking at delaying the school start for another year.

[~Kim~]

I'm not sure which state you are in, but I delayed mine starting 12months. She started at 5 and 9 months. Best thing I ever did for her.
She was still super stressed. Her teachers were awesome though. We discussed triggers with her. The teachers aide had come from the preschool and knew DD1 so that was awesome for us. Make her aware of what will happen, the processes, the things she will take. Get her to wear her uniform before so you can sort out any tactile stuff.

[TwoDarlingGirls]

Thanks for the replies.

Before we discovered she had hearing loss & got grommets 3/4 through the Kindy year - I was sure she was going to repeat as she wasn't showing many signs of readiness.

But then, those grommets went in and it was like a different child. Engaging, conversational and very keen to read, tell stories etc.

Her Kindy teacher said it was rare in her experience to say no for 3 terms and then all of a sudden go without a doubt yes to moving onto Prep.

And thanks to the grommets I could see with greater clarity that she was an anxious child (that the hearing was a secondary issue) and I could hold her back year after year but I would be delaying the inevitable. Whereas this year (among a couple of other things) she will be starting with a very close and trusted friend - which was important for me.

I'm going to start the school week routine starting on Monday - just small things each day to get her prepared.

Any more ideas / suggestions?

[Amaunet]

If she is only 4.5 - I wouldn't send her. She will be one of the youngest in her year. The teacher/student ratio is much bigger at school and the level of support and supervision is very different from Preschool/Kindy - kids need to be more independent and resilient) I wouldn't see it as "repeating" her or holding her back. Being at least 5 is the generally norm for the first year of formal schooling these days. So it would be essentially sending her early at under 5. My DS1 is 4.5 and none of the 10 kids from our mothers group (birthdays April to July - our cutoff is 31 July in NSW) are going to school this year. Some are "academically" ready or "socially" ready but school is full on and we all felt giving our kids another year was of the greatest benefit.

[Artechim]

Personally, I don't think that starting with one friend is enough to seal the deal with an anxious child. She needs to be more able to cope within herself than relying on a buddy to be there with her.

Obviously you know more about your situation and it is ultimately up to you, but you did ask for advice from those of us who have been in a similar situation. There is a massive difference between a 4.5 year old and a 5.5 year old. You wouldn't be holding her back, just not sending her early. All research I have read has pointed towards a later school starting age being better in the long run (e.g. Terman study). This is particularly true for anxious children, they do improve over time and it isn't worth pushing them when there is no real benefit to her being at school so early.

[TwoDarlingGirls]

Personally, I don't think that starting with one friend is enough to seal the deal with an anxious child. She needs to be more able to cope within herself than relying on a buddy to be there with her.

Obviously you know more about your situation and it is ultimately up to you, but you did ask for advice from those of us who have been in a similar situation. There is a massive difference between a 4.5 year old and a 5.5 year old. You wouldn't be holding her back, just not sending her early. All research I have read has pointed towards a later school starting age being better in the long run (e.g. Terman study). This is particularly true for anxious children, they do improve over time and it isn't worth pushing them when there is no real benefit to her being at school so early.

No, I agree one friend, even one she's had from her birth & through Kindy, isn't enough. It's a couple of things, like the school itself being small (220) with a track record of amazing supportive teachers for this very situation.

I know it's probably a cop out but it's good for me to verbalise this for me to process. As an adult with ADHD, I have struggled for the last 4.5 years to give her any semblance of a consistent routine, even when it comes to discipline. It hasn't helped her personality at all (where as DD2 is not affected at all).

I am so desperate for an enforced routine in the form of 5 school days because, despite all my planning and desire, I lack the ability to carry them through - to her demise. I have struggled greatly over the holidays and it's showing in her behavior.

So even though I know about the studies showing that earlier is no better, that later is more conducive to learning, and the fact that I spent over a year convincing myself she was going to repeat Kindy - she's going to start in less than 2 weeks.

No matter what, whether I sent her to Kinder again or Prep this year I am going to regret it - because essentially I would rather homeschool my school children but I don't have the capacity to