i have started writing a post for my fb buddies. most of them know nothing about my mc heartbreaks and i want to share this information as most people view it as a taboo subject. i'm not planning on releasing it until i am pregnant again (as this is how i will share the news publicly) and safely past the 12 week mark. this is what i have so far
"my story...
back in may 2013 i was thrilled to find out i was pregnant. i was in pregnancy heaven. giddy with excitement, all i wanted to do was yell it from the top of a mountain. my joy was short lived when at 9w3d i was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. the pain to follow was nothing i could have ever been prepared for. first i cried. then came the anger, which lasted a lot longer than i ever imagined. then came the feeling if dispare and guilt. what could i have done? was it my fault? why me? did i do something to cause it? no matter how many times i asked these questions, there was never an answer. so i just stayed mad. i couldnt look at another pregnant woman without asking why not me!
time passed and my wounds slowly healed and i began to focus on our upcoming move to katherine. time moved quickly and soon we were on our way. finally in late november we reached our destination. we were ecstatic about our new life in katherine. babies were the last thing from our minds but alas in mid december i was again looking at a positive pregnancy test. this time, i was filled with fear. i was not about to get excited or scream it from the top of a mountain. infact, i told no one. i wanted to wait. christmas came and went, new years came and went and at 7w2d i went in for my first scan. i was terrified that i would see nothing again. so we went together to the scan. i lay on the bed waiting for the technician to say those horrid words. but they never came. bubs was measuring just under 6wks with a heartbeat of 95bpm. this was definately a high five moment. we have success. but just 4 days later the pain and hope was gone. i was again losing my little ray of hope. a sunday night trip to the emergancy department and a follow up ultrasound the next morning confirmed i had lost my baby again. i was heartbroken. only four days earlier i had seen a heartbeat and now it was just gone. all those ugly emotions started to come back and all those questions were being asked again. i was lucky to have the support i did from all my forum buddies and from the love of my life. a week passed and i was feeling better. there has been a lot of ups and downs but i wasnt about to let this ruin my future happiness. it was time to move on. "
thats all i have so far and then i'm going to end it with something along the lines of " so through all the heart break and sorrow, we are excited and thrilled to announce...."
i dont want to upset my dp but its something that i want to share. not everyone knows or understands how difficult it can all be.
i know he will be ok with most of it. it may be edited to some degree. i was thinking more along the lines of showing people that no matter what life throws your way that there is always hope and sometimes dreams do come true after all the bs that can be thrown your way.
i would hope no one would be hurt or offended by it. any feedback is welcomed.
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