Is my 6 year old dd overweight? :(

[Doing my best]

I have battled with being overweight all my life, and I have really tried to be good with leading dd in the right direction, but she is starting to head down the same road..

And I want to try and change that direction for her now before she gets self conscious about it. But I don't know how. Will just exercise (together, not on her own), and only having healthy foods be enough? I have not mentioned my concerns on her weight to her.

Open to suggestions, but please know I already feel really low about this, and don't need to made to feel worse..

[Teeki]

I was very aware of weight from a young age, and want to avoid that with DD. My Mum was always on a diet and I always heard her talking about her weight. So even though I am now overweight and losing it, I don't speak of it in front of DD. I'm conscious of positive body image around her, as is DH and he's not shy about letting me know when he thinks I look good.

When I was young I was told by others that I needed to watch my weight. The sad thing is this didn't really even come from my Mum, it came from other women around me. I vividly remember when I was 6, we hadn't had time for lunch and I was so hungry. We were in a general store and I asked for something to eat and the woman behind the counter told me I shouldn't eat anything from there because it'll make me fat, and while that's okay when I'm young and skinny when I'm her age I'll be fat and won't be able to lose it. I regularly heard things like this from women around me and constantly had comments on my body shape from other women who generally weren't happy with theirs.

If there's one piece of advice I can give, it's to avoid this. From yourself and others. She doesn't need to be aware of weight and losing it, the *need* to be thin and have the 'right' shape.

What I would do is make sure she's active. Not in a conscious "this is exercise" way, but get her involved in team sports. Take her on walks to the local shops to get milk instead of driving. Go play at the park. Just get activity in her everyday life so that it's normal to her, so she wants to be active. Personally I was always given the impression that exercise is bad, it's hard work, it's only to lose weight and there's always a valid reason not to do it.

I'd also limit the type of food available to her. She can't fill up on junk if it's not there. Leave out fruit and veg that she can snack on any time, ensure meals are healthy and yummy so she wants to eat them. Don't restrict sometimes foods altogether or make a big deal of it, but at you're the one providing the food, provide good stuff. With DD, she loves Nutri-Grain Bars (she calls them Daddy Bars because he eats them lol) because they have chocolate on them. But she knows she can't have them all the time because too much hurts her teeth and tummy. So she will have fruit, and later she'll say something like "I had a banana, now can I have a Daddy Bar?" And that's usually the only 'junk' food she'll have in a day. She's already doing so much better than me as a kid and I hope I'm leading her the right way. I'm just avoiding what I heard and saw as a kid.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

What exercise does she already do? What food does your household eat?

If you already eat healthily, snack healthily, drink water and run around outside, then it won't have much effect.

It can be as simple as walking instead of driving and changing snacks. Dancing to the radio. Drinking a glass of water before food. You don't have to make huge changes.

[MrsFabuloso]

What makes you think she's over weight? Does she eat unhealthy foods? Does she move a lot, like most children do, perhaps do some sort of organised activities, like soccer or dancing or something like that?

FWIW, I think eating healthy, whole foods and being active would absolutely be enough. There should be no reason that she should be over weight if she's doing those things. But we also need to remember that everyone is built differently, even our kids. She may tend toward being bigger in size. Maybe she's just growing faster than her peers, and will slow down later. Maybe her hormones are starting to rage. Maybe her body is hanging onto fat for a big growth spurt. Try not to project your own worries and childhood memories/experiences onto her. If you feed her health foods, give her opportunities to be active, and teach her good habits, she will grow to be a normal, healthy person.

Though, if you're still concerned, maybe a trip to a trusted and well educated doctor/paed (ie, not one who relies on stupid growth charts/BMI charts) would ease your mind.

[emmalee86]

I just want to jump in and say that it is really awesome of you to be able to recognize and put all feelings aside and help your DD.. My cousin is morbidly obese (she wears a size 16 women's at the age of 12) and her mum is completely in denial about it all! So I really want to give you massive kudos for taking that first step!

Also, sometimes weight issues can be genetic rather than learned.. Perhaps take her to the doc and have a full check up done and provided everything is ok then get her into some sports! There is so many different sports around, swimming, tennis, netball, soccer absolutely anything and let her try it all and see what she enjoys, sports are fantastic for kids and they play on weekends and usually there is a training session during the week! We are still experimenting with our DD (also 6) to see what sport she really takes to. We have found that swimming is always a winner! If you have a local leisure or swimming centre then sign her up to some classes of an afternoon, they get a really good work out and they have a blast as well (not to mention bed time is a whole lot easier)..
With regard to food, don't deprive her of 'kid food' but she should also understand what is good food and what is bad food.. Although this will not stop her wanting the junk food!!
A few tips that I can give and also what I have found works is making sure they have a good breakfast (porridge is a really good one because it keeps them full, just add a bit of honey for some sweetness and they love it), pack a good lunch for school (sandwich, fruit, vegesticks, Little cheeses, they have some really cool stuff if you look in the health food aisle rather than the junk food aisle) and afternoon snack has to be something that is prepared not just grabbed out of the cupboard - I find when my DD gets home from school she is always hungry and wants to rummage through the cupboard but I won't let her, she can have another sandwich or I will make her some poached eggs with toast so she can dip them, something filling that will tide her over until dinner and stop her snacking all the time (because kids LOVE to snack!!) they are like little puppies that will just eat and eat and eat until they explode!

I'm assuming your DD is now in school? This is another good thing because they will be running around at recess and lunch as well

Even though my DD is tall and slim I'm still conscious of teaching her healthy eating habits, but as I said I want her to be able to enjoy eating kid food. I think kids who are deprived of being able to eat junk every now and then (whether is some ice cream or a bit of soft drink or even a cheeky happy meal) tend to "pig out" when the opportunity presents itself!
I can always pick the kids who get fed carrot sticks because they are the first to the lolly table at every party, whereas my daughter sees it as no big deal!

[Doing my best]

Ok, I don't know how heavy she is, we don't own scales.. Maybe I shouldn't just be going on her (what seems to bigger) tummy as that seems to be the only place she larger than other kids her age... (But that is the way I was at her age).. She has much more confidence than I ever remember having, it really doesn't bother her. I suppose it was when looking for shorts for her for an upcoming holiday. Having to go into pre-teens for something that I started doubting her size.

She does dancing, swimming, and running around in back yard with DS when home. She does have a mostly healthy diet, but prob enjoys a few more treats than she should.

I plan to be more active with her, not just encouraging her to be. But if she is heading the way I did, I want to try and steer her in a much more positive direction now, not when it starts becoming a problem.

[emmalee86]

Oh I wouldn't be worried about a podgy belly!! I find them cute!!

My DD has been best friends with a girl since they were 2 at pre school who is a little podgy but only in her belly and she always has been, and she is more active than my DD (plays multiple sports, as well as swimming and playing) and eats really well, and her mum and sister are tall and thin.. It's just her body shape! She just has a little belly!

At the age her current body shape is not really an indicator of what it will be in the future, and I know you want to guide her in the right direction and I think that's great, just stress the importance of good food and drinking lots of water and playing sport and she will be fine

[Trillian]

I second what Teeki said. It really isn't a problem at this age - she's 6 and from what you describe, I wouldn't call her overweight. If she's wearing clothes from the womens section then there may be an issue, but really, she sounds just fine to me. My 6yo son gained 6kg over the school holidays and it blew me away how much he'd gained, so maybe it's a growth spurt that they go through at this age? You are doing everything *right* by making sure she's active and supporting better food choices for her so it's a matter of let her grow as she is meant to grow.

[Smoke Jaguar]

At this age I'd concentrate more on her sense of self-efficacy and self-worth (not self-esteem, which is a different thing and not really that useful because it doesn't come on its own without the other things first!).
I recommend Sleep Talk, by Joanna Golding (that's definitely her surname, anyway!), if you're stuck, and even if you're not stuck Positive language you can learn from looking up Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) sites and strengthening her from the inside.
I would caution about focussing on positive body image, because that's externalising her worth, still - it comes from inside and her life satisfaction will depend on how she can draw on her inner strengths, not on doing her best to continually remind herself that her body is fine. This will come, and again, on its own it doesn't have the strong foundation it could otherwise have.
Don't be afraid to ask people to cease and desist when they start talking about bodies and food intake. My mum doesn't like being reprimanded, but I actively change the subject when she starts praising my kids for being 'skinny' - I HATE this with a passion, and will always have a word to her about it, because she's doing to them what she did with me as a kid with her value judgments and praise. She'd compare me to other people (favourably, but I hated it and no matter which way comparisons go they are so, so destructive!) and it made me think about these things A LOT. (Not that I think you've been doing this at all! Just explaining my POV )

[black_rose]

It's such a tricky path, I know my food and body issues stem from my mum telling me I was overweight from about school age when the reality was I was actually athletic and just had a different body shape to her. I didn't become overweight until my teens and dealing with other things from her it was the one thing I could control!

Anyway my point is that it's great that you want to help her in a positive way rather than talking about her weight and causing body issues. There are some good points above already, particularly from SJ, giving her the confidence and strength on the inside.

It could just be a growth spurt, especially if she hasn't typically had a tummy before. Dd1 gets one right before she grows but otherwise is is very slender. Dd2 was always chubby until this year, she is about to be 5 and her body shape has changed noticeably in the last few months. She used to be stocky with chubby legs and a tummy but she has grown two sizes in shoes and also one in clothes and looks a lot more like her sister now.

In regards to food I know bake with sugar alternatives like maple syrup, coconut sugar or agave and I use coconut oil instead of butter. I also weaned my kids off juice and now it's milk or water. For me it was about their behaviour from additives and sugar rather than weight but it might also explain the change in dad's shape as I have dropped a few kilos too.

[peanutter]

Whole foods (including natural sugars, meats, butter etc) plenty of physical activity, minimal screen time, and (here's the tricky one for me) try to avoid food and eating being associated too closely to rewards / home / comfort / entertainment / get togethers.

[Marley&Me]

Already so many great suggestions! If snacking is the problem maybe do some research into making healthy snacks, I have been recently and there are so many awesome recipes available. My fave is a muesli bar type slice with oats and sultanas mmmmm. My mum baked a lot when i was young and so i grew up overweight. I remember her putting a lock on the pantry door so I couldn't help myself all day But it wasn't until I reached high school that I realised that I was overweight and wanted to do something about it. By year 8 I had lost 20 kg just by eating right and walking. And I am so glad I did it

[Nai]

I have a slightly different opinion and I think you recognising that your DD may be overweight is a great start - there are many many children who are overweight or obese and there parents are in denial or fail to notice it and this ends up with them having type 2 diabetes as they become teenagers. One of the main risk factors is waist circumference so if your DD is carrying fat around the middle then I would be keeping an eye on her.

I make sure every 6 months to year we weigh and measure the kids at the GP who has a record of their growth. I can then see how they are tracking in general but also if there are any significant increases etc. My DD1 is naturally lean like DP and has always been above average height and below average weight. DD2 is like me although above average height, she has my stocky, muscular build. I put on weight easily so have been keeping an eye on her. She has trimmed down significantly this year at school though as she is running around a lot more. After school I make sure that we don't go straight home and that we do some form of incidental exercise. I think the key is making sure they don't eat too many treats and that they move - in general, they don't stay sitting for more than half an hour at a time. Even if they are watching a dvd, I pause it in the middle and make them come down to the kitchen and get a drink or a snack.

It sounds like you are on the right track though, you are aware, you are encouraging activity and you are making sure she is getting healthy food. Just keep an eye on any changes.

[~Kim~]

Ok, I don't know how heavy she is, we don't own scales.. Maybe I shouldn't just be going on her (what seems to bigger) tummy as that seems to be the only place she larger than other kids her age... (But that is the way I was at her age).. She has much more confidence than I ever remember having, it really doesn't bother her. I suppose it was when looking for shorts for her for an upcoming holiday. Having to go into pre-teens for something that I started doubting her size.

I do know how heavy my DD1 is as I weigh her every time she needs pain relief, however I do totally understand the worry. My dd is as tall if not taller than kids 4years older than her, and often kgs heavier. She is however strong, and lean. But, when she is about to shoot up (which is about every 3days lol) she gets a rounder tummy. It's like her body knows it needs more to be able to stretch

I do agree with Nai about being aware. Aware but not alarmed if you like. I have been conscious my girls whole lives not to talk weight/diet/obesity. I remember my mum being on a diet my entire childhood. She was always stressed about h weight. I'm not stressed about mine, but I make good choices and move a lot. My sister is seriously affected by weight and self esteem issues.
My kids see me working out, they come for runs etc but we also hike and play outside a lot too just doing kid stuff. DH's family are all morbidly obese. It worries me enough to want to model great behaviours deliberately.

[sunshine 11]

Like the other ladies said, kudos to you for wanting to make sure you set up your DD for success in living a healthy life. Diet plays an enormous part in our health, so to me, taking stock of what you (because your kids watch how you eat) and your child eat is number 1. No junk in the house is the first step - if it's not there, you aren't tempted and therefore your child isn't either. If you can in the most part avoid using food/junk food as reward for good behaviour you will be avoiding that trap for a lifetime for her. that doesn't mean you never have junk food - but rather it's an every now and again food. The message is not that it makes you fat, but that it makes you unhealthy! Running around at school and extra sports is part of it, but that alone won't be enough without a great diet. Ditch sugary treats, chips etc for a once a week treat to start with, shared with the family. Check out the backs of packs to see if they have numbers written on it - a great start to realise what kids are eating - and therefore what to avoid. No processed sugars and no trans fats is far more important than food advertised as 'low fat'.
I am not naturally fat, however I eat much better than the majority of people do and think often people don't realise what they are consuming. Good luck. On your journey - I hope you can make the changes for you as well as your daughter