Dd1 is 6yrs and has always talked in her sleep. Normally she chats about funny stuff, often there is an I love you in there to dh and I.
Then last night I was listening to her chat in her sleep and she says "but no, I'm not fat, I am not fat!" Then she kind of started mumbling before going back to quiet sleep.
Normally her sleep talk (and mine) relates to current goings on around us. So I'm thinking I should have a chat with her about our bodies and that word, fat. I feel that I need to have a chat with dd about shapes and sizes, different bodies and that word, fat.
So how should I tackle this one? I don't want to put any extra ideas, misconceptions in her head, but I think it somewhat needs dealing with?
Possibly a reaction to teasing in the school yard? I would be asking her about that in the first instance, as that is more likely to be the stressor behind the dream.
Re the fatness/thinness issue - I have always dealt with this by talking in terms of health, and the sorts of things that all people can do to be as healthy as possible - exercising, eating good food, sleeping, relaxing, keeping in touch with friends. Yes it's good to acknowledge that people come in different shapes & sizes, but fatness/thinness is not the only dimension in this. People are also taller and shorter, male and females are shaped differently, different ethnic groups have different body shapes, and there are also people with unusual features or disabilities like missing limbs. But they are all people & no matter what they look like in the outside, we are all the same on the inside, with the same hopes and feelings. It's a really powerful opportunity to talk about bullying & harrassment - it is never cool to be mean to someone & especially not for something about who they are that they can't change. There are lots of reasons why a person may be overweight or obese, and none of them reflect on the character or worth of that person.
It does sound like someone has been saying this to her in the playground! Good for her that she is standing up for herself, hopefully she did that in the playground too. I have done the same as Marydean and explained it about health and wellbeing more than the fat vs skinny issue. I have always emphasised the everyone has feelings, hopes and dreams no matter what shape, size they are and they should all be able to try to achieve those dreams if they choose to do so! It's important that she knows that its not okay for someone to be calling anyone names, esp. fat! If this is happening it needs to be reported to the school, you have no idea how many young children end up with eating disorders from a young age because of these sort of taunts!
I hope that you can get some answers from her and that she can be comfortable in knowing that she is beautiful inside and out!
I'm sure there is something behind it, and I've had a feeling that something has been going on at school as well.
I honestly didn't think I would be required to have such a convo with dd1 just yet, so I'm not really prepared for it.
But I suppose the time has come really.
I try so hard to focus on healthy lifestyles at home, not making a fuss over weight etc. I'm really hoping she did reply the same way she did in her sleep, but it must be bothering her to be dreaming it as well.
I don't think the conversations matter as much as the example you set every day.
If you don't judge yourself or other people on their bodies/appearance and you praise people for their achievements and personality then she'll learn to look at people the same way.
Talking body shapes with dd
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