What things did you wish your knew/did when birthing a still baby

[Razzberry]

Our baby is looking very sick and looks like we will birth her sometime next week. She will be about 15-16 weeks. I am finding it hard to think clearly at the moment but am wondering what thing had you wished you had done before or after your child's birth and what things do you wish you knew but no one told you?
Thanks

[Mumma T]

Razberry i am so sorry you are going through this.

While i dont have 1st hand experience i guess one of the things to consider are if you want some kind of keepsake like photos/a blanket/ hand&foot prints.

Sending you big big hugs and love

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

My heart goes out to you Razzberry. No first hand experience but Google *heartfelt* they are a wonderful organisation for families going through what you are. Big

[*Ang*]

Firstly I am sorry that you have to go through this. Secondly a few years ago I was in a very similar situation to yourself and birthed our daughter Faith at 15 weeks. We knew beforehand that she was unwell and unlikely to survive so it gave us a few weeks to prepare ourselves.

On the day that I did go into labour my midwife was wonderful. It was a very peaceful and quick process and the midwife left DH and me alone afterwards for some time which was just what we wanted. We were advised not to view our daughter due to her deformities and I am glad that that is what we chose to do. I didn't want to have that memory...the hospital did arrange for some photos of her to be taken which DH still has not viewed.

I was surprised at how it was exactly like my other births (both length of labour and pain wise) and found giving birth to the placenta more painful then the birth itself. We stayed a few hours at the hospital and then were discharged late that evening (she was born at 1pm). I could have stayed overnight but I really wanted to go home to my own bed and see my other children - I found that even though they didn't know what had happened they just seeing them comforted me.

We chose not to tell them due to their age at the time. Because we found out early in the pregnancy that there were problems we had chosen not to even tell them that I was pregnant. DD1 is a very sensitive child and it would have broken her heart as we had recently lost a family member and she was still reeling from that.

There was nothing I would have chosen any differently. Because she was so little there were no clothes for us to provide to put on her or blankets to wrap her in etc, we wouldn't have been able to find anything that small! Our hospital did cremate her on our behalf and we have her ashes along with the photos they took of her. They did wrap her in a tiny knitted "blanky" and a tiny knitted cap that volunteers knit for the hospital - these were cremated with her. I really appreciated the kind gestures of strangers in this incidence.

I found people found it hard to talk with me about afterwards, a lot of people didn't realise that I had actually given birth, they thought it was simply like a miscarriage where you pass the foetus. We sent a message out to all our friends saying that I had given birth and we had named her Faith and she had passed away. I found that was enough to begin with.

I did "get over it" and took quite a pragmatic approach about it when I fell pregnant with DD2 - if Faith had survived I wouldn't have been blessed with the other little monkey.

Good luck and if you have any questions feel free