Help! Aggressive behaviour!

[lulusmum25]

Hi all,

I have a friend who has a 2.5 yr old little girl who is a real bully. She displays very aggressive behaviour, pinching, kicking, hitting, pulling hair etc.

I am worried about my friend as she doesn't know what to do with her. It is getting to a point where other friends don't want to socialize with her anymore simply because of her daughter. I was wondering if anyone has had/ or can give any advice/strategies that I might be able to pass on to her.

Many thanks

[christy]

Hi Susan, I have a friend with a son who is 2 and aggressive, doing similar things. Especially to Matilda. We have gone over with Matilda a few times to hang out but also to help work on this behaviour. So they play and if he behaves inappropriately his mum disciplines him with time out & apologies. They have been working very hard on this behaviour for around a month now and are gaining huge results. The whole family went to a Triple P program dealing with aggression in toddlers to get help. HTH!

[Tanya]

Hi Susan,
My 21 mo sometimes hits when she gets frustrated (my mchn says its probably because she still isn't talking 100% and has trouble verbalising what she wants and hitting gets a more instant result)... although this is nothing like what you have explained, I got a 'Tip Sheet' form my MCHN on controlling such behaviour. It's from the triple p program that Christy spoke of...

How to Help Prevent Your Child Hurting Others
Watch you Child Closely
Try to anticipate problems and prevnet them if possible. In the beginning, watch your child very closely, especially when playing with other children and in situations where hurting has happened before. You need to act quickly if your child is about to hurt someone.
Encourage your Child for Playing Well
Toddlers typically play side by side rather than cooperatively. When your child is playing well, give them lots of attention. Talk to your child about what they are doing - Your building a tall tower with those blocks or That car is driving fast. Praise your child by saying exactly what they are doing that pleases you - You're playing well today, Tom or I like it when you two play so well together.
For the first few days, you may like to give your child a special reward for playing well with others during a specific activity, such as play group or visiting friends. This may be an activity like a short story or game, or a treat such as a drink or small snack. Tell your child how pleased you are that they played well.
Help your Child Say What They Want
If your child is having difficulty saying what they want, give them some words they can use - Sam, say: Matthew it's my turn now. Praise your child for nicely saying what they want.
When Your Child Hurts Others
Tell Your Child What to do
Always act quickly when your child hurts someone. Speak firmly and tell your child what to do instead of hurting. Say something like - Jane - don't hit Jack. Ask him for the toy. Praise your child if they do as you ask.
Practise Being Gentle
The next step is to show your child how to be gentle, such as stroking hair instead of pulling it, or holding hands instead of pushing. Get your child to spend a few seconds practising how to be gentle. If your child refuses, simply guide them through the motions. Ignore protests. If hurting continues despite this, or another episode occurs within an hour, use the strategies outlined below.
Tell your Child the problem and consequence
If your child does not stop hurting others, say something like - Erin, you are still hurting Lauren. Go to quite time.
Take your Child to Quite Time or Time Out Immediately
Quiet time involves removing your attention from your child and having them sit quietly on the edge of an activity for a short time. To do this, sit your child on a chair away from the others. Remind your child that they must be quiet in quiet time.
If your child protests or refuses to sit quietly, back up quiet time with time-out. Take your child to a safe but uninteresting room or space (or cot for younger toddlers under two years). Tell your child they must be quiet before they can come out of time-out. Give this reminder even though your child might be upset or angry. You may need to back up quiet time with time-out each time at first, until your child gets used to being quiet in quiet time.
Allow Your Child to Return to the Activity
Once your child has been quiet for two minutes in quiet time or time-out, it is important to let them rejoin the activity to practise playing without hurting others. If hurting happens again, take your child straight to quiet time. You may need to repeat quiet time or time-out several times before your child stops huring others.

HTH

Tanya