"Sleep experts"

[suziette]

Has anyone heard of Melissa Maher in relation to baby sleep advice? I was googling baby sleep experts and she came up as the author of a book + websites. I was wondering if her advice is controlled crying or if its a gentle method.

[BellyBelly]

Lots of 'experts' are popping up all over the place. I'd stick to Pinky McKay.

Pinky McKay ::Official Site::

[meow]

I just looked her up and these comments send off alarm bells for me. Pinky wont try and make you fearful of never getting a good nights sleep!

Did you know that it can take as little as only 10 minutes for a baby to gently learn positive sleeping habits?

And did you know that you may actually be the cause of your baby waking up several times every night?

And that a baby who is not taught good sleeping habits could still be waking you up every night at the age of six?

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Wow Ren, yup, I'd be steering clear too!

[christy]

oh dear... Matilda had awful sleeping habits, for 3 years and is now sleeping through the night finally but she's only 4!!! Obviously I wasn't bad enough :P

[suziette]

Yeah well, I guess I knew. I did kind of think 'huh??' at the 10 minutes to learn positive sleep habits. But I also then worried I was causing her bad sleep and that she would then be 6 and still sleeping badly (yikes). At the back of my mind is that thing about getting enough sleep for development...
We'll just persevere

[Charlyfrog]

Not into fear mungering myself........... its all perspective and personal experience coupled with personal opinions re: sleep......

I am one to read:

Did you know that it can take as little as only 10 minutes for a baby to gently learn positive sleeping habits?

And did you know that you may actually be the cause of your baby waking up several times every night?

And that a baby who is not taught good sleeping habits could still be waking you up every night at the age of six?

and completely agree with this pov. My girls slept through by a couple of months and unless sick, pretty much we have had all night sleepers. And no none of this 'luck with getting good kids'......won't go there (another thread covers this ). I put it down to deciding how we were going to handle sleep and then following through with persistence and consistency.

I think its necessary to read up on everything across the board......not just one sided and all the negative views on the other side iykwim? Get the positive on both sides as rest assured, both sides have their negative opinions of the other.

[suziette]

That's great charlyfrog, that what you decided to do worked for you. Its a matter of finding what that is I think. I have tried various things. And my little one did sleep through from 8 weeks until we went on holidays when she was 4 months. Even after that (when we got home), she 'slept through', just woke up a bit earlier than before. Over the months though, its gone more and more down hill. And she can self settle, she does it sometimes during the night, just not all the time.
I think we'll just persevere with what we're currently doing and see what happens

[meow]

Just wanted to explain why these comments bothered me...

Did you know that it can take as little as only 10 minutes for a baby to gently learn positive sleeping habits?

I think this is an odd promise as it implies that the suggestion is going to be a 'one size fits all' remedy expected to work on every child. I feel that anyone who would suggest something like that either doesn't really understand children or is not actually interested in helping you, but rather making money from their false promises.

And did you know that you may actually be the cause of your baby waking up several times every night?

This just reminds me of those 'sleeping with your baby will be the end of all sleep' type of comments- it makes parents feel they are failing terribly. Not a nice thing to throw into your marketing at sleep deprived parents IMO.

And that a baby who is not taught good sleeping habits could still be waking you up every night at the age of six?

I guess similar to the last comment... they could and they could not. Why try and strike fear into people?

All the best suziette- hope you get some sleep soon (and me! )

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Great Charleyfrog. So when I decided how to handle wake-ups and was consitent with this I obviously picked the wrong thing to do.

10 minutes. Me causing DS to wake even though we no longer co-sleep (and he sleeps through me going to bed, the bathroom and my room are on either side of his room).

You know what, I'm so upset by this I'm not going to comment. It's so stupid. Way to go to make me feel bad that DS doesn't sleep well. My own mother did a good enough job with "well I don't understand what you're doing wrong" and "My mum was good with children, all hers slept through from six weeks" and other crap like that without a so-called "expert" telling me.

Hey, I'm the new sleep expert folks! I can cure every child!

You need to sit your baby down and talk to them. Say these words:
"It is nighttime, it is dark. You lie down and close your eyes. You shush. You go to sleep. You don't wake up until Mama comes and wakes you up at 7.30 tomorrow morning."

Tell your child this from birth. It works because the baby knows what's going on. If it doesn't work then your baby is clearly too stupid to understand what you're saying and it's your fault for not eating a high-baby-IQ diet in pregnancy or talking to baby enough in the womb.

[Lulu]

Oh Charly, I do disagree. I used nothing but consistency and persistence and it didn't work for us and it was never going to. Not with DS anyway.

I was the same with my eldest DD, she slept through fairly early due to consistency but that's because it suited her.

One size certainly doesn't fit all, and when your eyeballs are on your cheeks despite your best efforts, it can be really hard to hear - "its as simple as persistence".

[Liz]

No havent heard of her. I'm the only sleep expert I know LMAO And my advice is do whatever works whenever it works LOL.

Don't worry about sleep & development. Baby's that wake are often very alert and take in a lot of what is around them. My babies didn't/don't sleep through, but it's completely normal and nothing to worry about. It certainly has its challenging moments.. but if a person says their babies sleep through all the time... they are most likely lying or stretching the truth - a lot. All babies go through stages, developmental, teething, separation anxiety, growth spurts etc etc etc. I think i'd be more worried if my babies were sleeping through all that! It's reassuring to know that my babies are going through all these normal stages, and that they know I'm here for them.

I'm more frightened of my babies learning that mummy ignores them than I am of having a 6 yr old waking at night. JMO

[Willow]

I gotta agree, I think there's a HUGE part of it that is luck Charlyfrog. My first was like your girls but my second is not. I've used the same methods with both but DD was sleeping 12-13 hours solid at 9 months, DS is still waking a few times at night.

It truly does depend on the child.

[Charlyfrog]

At the end of the day every one is going to do what they feel is the right thing to do. Forums like this are designed for us to share varying opinions and if you try something and its not for you that's fine but hey if it works, even better This is not about trying to win an argument nor making anyone feel bad as I know that if I posted about an issue, baby related or not, I too would get varying opinions but no one is out to 'get' me or attack, merely share their opinions. So RF, I am sorry if you took my post personally as was not the intention. I am as much entitled to share my personal journey and opinion as every one else.

but if a person says their babies sleep through all the time... they are most likely lying or stretching the truth - a lot

- I agree with this Liz - the all the time bit as this is certainly not what I am saying. Just wanted to make sure I clarified that bit When our kids aren't sick nor teething nor going through all the normal developmental stages of a baby, our girls do sleep through from approx 7.30pm to 7.00am......and that is not lying nor stretching the truth (as you put it )

[Liz]

yep, that's why I said 'all the time'. Coz us mums that wake to our babies are always bombarded with people astounded that our babies aren't sleeping through, that their babies slept through from such and such an age. We are constantly made to feel like there is something wrong with us or our babies because people choose to omit the fact that babies DO wake up.

7.30 bedtimes don't work in this house, coz we go out 2 evenings a week, so we've never had early bed times. In fact I quite like that my kids are flexible enough with their sleep that they can do their usual 2/3hr sleep wherever we are (DS doesn't now of course.. he just stays up) and it doesn't limit us to being home every night in order to put the kids to bed.

Barb's article on the normal patterns for breastfed babies is sooo encouraging. I find it interesting how important these night feeds are, and how the denial of these breastfeeds for earlier generations affected their breastfeeding rates. (obviously excludes those breastfed bubs who by nature sleep well at night).

I think it's important for people to know that their baby doesn't HAVE to sleep through, and that you can't necessarily MAKE them sleep through. How much nicer it is to have encouragement for following babies cues and not feeling bad that our babies wake.