super clingy - worried about important event coming up soon!!!!!
We are attending a wedding on 22 November so DP's Mum will be looking after our little one from 2.30pm onwards, until about 10.30pm I would say. I'm so worried about it and can't stop worrying! My DD is a very clingy Bub, I am a SAHM so always with her and she's reluctant to go to anyone. We are trying to get Nan to visit once a week leading up to this event so she gets used to her however DD will cry when held by her when she visits, she'll play for a little while and then get really whingey and want me.
I love DD so much but wondering whether I just have an ultra clingy Bub. Even if I pop in to have a shower some nights, she will scream with DP until I get out. It upsets me that she won't go to anyone else.
I'm soooooooooooooooooooo scared though of this wedding and thinking of not going because she'll be looking for me and I'll be about 6 hours!
Anyone else experiencing this? I need some guidance.
Developmental - Yes. Between 6-9 mths they start getting antsy about strangers being in the room, whether their own parents are present or not. This is a result of them being able to recognise differences in faces. Between 9 and 12 months they start being more concerned about mum or dad leaving, and not necessarily so worried about the4 stranger being there, as long as mum or dad is there.
A lot of your DDs reaction will be based on yours. If you are anxious, she will be using "social referencing" where she picks up on all of your cues. So if you're nervously watching her every time your mum is nearby, she picks up on this and becomes nervous herself.
Tips for getting ready for the wedding:
- Spending time with your mum is a great idea. Keep it up
- When you're just around the house, try to be as far away from her as you can. Some 10 month old don't want you to be more than a metre away; try to encourage her independence as much as you can, as it will help her to develop confidence in her self.
- Leave her with your mum. Prepare her for the initial event, then say a fast goodbye (Fast! is the key) and go, just for an hour. If your mum can't distract her out of it, you might need some more prep. But more than likely, she'll calm down within 15 minutes.
I have one of those too, even still at 16m. It can be inconvenient at times but I honestly can't blame her. I'm a SAHM and DH works away two weeks of every month so it's her and me alone quite a lot of the time. It's not her fault I'm the only person in her life who is constant. Anyway, the point is, I know how you feel and I know I would feel the same. Quite honestly, I would probably not go for a long period if I thought she would get stressed about it. She's ok for an hour or two with my mum and DH but, boy, if I wasn't there for routine times like bedtime, it would upset her a LOT and I'm just not prepared to do that to her while she's not old enough to understand that I will come back.
That's just my take on it and I know a lot of people would believe you shouldn't let your child dictate your life but I figure I chose to have her so I am prepared to sacrifice things for now.
I'm not saying at all that you shouldn't go, but just letting you know it's ok to do that if it is really worrying you. Don't worry about what people think.
Another thought - could you perhaps take her to the ceremony, and drop her with someone afterwards so it wasn't such a long time apart? Or even work your routine that day so that you could put her to bed early then leave for the reception?
I do feel for you and hope you're content with whatever you decide to do.
Have you tried leaving her with Nan as a practice? You may find that she is less upset if you aren't there - that she will get distracted by Nan doing some of her favourite things (which you can prep with Nan beforehand)
ezz, yep she gets left with nan a little bit but not for 6+ hours.
sacha, i never thought of taking her to the service! thanks so much for that idea. i have asked bride and she's absolutely fine with that, has said she's also welcome at reception but won't be doing that. so we might just take her to service at 3.30pm and then reception isn't until 6pm so it gives us some time to pop her home, give her a bath, her dinner and will leave her with nan to give her some warm milk and she'll be asleep by 6.30-7pm.
snugglybean, great tips, will take those into consideration, many thanks to you also.
My DD is also clingy, I went to a wedding recently and she was fine with Grandma. I had her visit more in the week leading up to the wedding and I left heaps and heaps of EBM so I knew she'd have a full tummy. I see your DD is 10 months old so not sure how that will apply to you with solids etc..
don't think we'll go to the wedding reception now, definately the service though my DD is going through the separation anxiety. really loves mummy so much. i think it is normal at this age however i just don't feel comfortable going now. she was asleep tonight and as i was having a shower, DD woke up. DP went in to attend to her and she screamed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. as soon as she saw me, she was fine. so i just don't want to put her through it i don't think.
Gosh, this sounds EXACTLY like my DD2, Emily! She's very much a mummy's girl. When we were shopping today, a lady was cooing over her, and woke her up () and Emily didn't see me, but saw this strange lady, and screamed uncontrollably for about 10 minutes!
Now to my point ... DH & I organised a trip away to Brisbane for the whole weekend. It was so hard leaving both girls, especially with Emily being so clingy with me. We had practice runs with my parents (who were babysitting). I would leave Emily with my mum for a few hours on the weekends leading up to us going away.
In the end, everything went smoothly. But when I got home, Emily squealed so loud when she saw me, and practically jumped out of my mum's arms into mine!
Sounds like mine for sure. MIL hasn't really spent heaps of time with her, especially one on one, without me. So I think it's better we don't go to reception. It was our choice to have her. As CrystalCreek said below, "I know a lot of people would believe you shouldn't let your child dictate your life but I figure I chose to have her so I am prepared to sacrifice things for now", it's really only for a short time.
Just an update, ended up going to service and reception without our DD and she had so much fun with MIL. I worried for nothing! Thanks everyone for your help with this though. Feels like it will be easier from here now...I think because it was the first time and all, it was making me worry so much!
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super clingy - worried about important event coming up soon!!!!!
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my DD is going through the separation anxiety. really loves mummy so much. i think it is normal at this age however i just don't feel comfortable going now. she was asleep tonight and as i was having a shower, DD woke up. DP went in to attend to her and she screamed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. as soon as she saw me, she was fine. so i just don't want to put her through it i don't think.
) and Emily didn't see me, but saw this strange lady, and screamed uncontrollably for about 10 minutes!
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