My DS has just turned 2, and recently I have decided to pull out the potty and see how it goes. Anyway he hates it. he screams any time I try and get him to sit on it or the toilet. he is also asking to have his nappy off, but will then pee on the floor! No warning.
Anyway so I say to my mum that I don't think that he is ready and that he is not really interested. She starts this whole speel about how parents these days put it off for too long, and that she toilet trained us at 2. She also was saying that you don't want him to be in kider and still in nappies.
I pointed out that he will start kinder older as he is a Sept baby. I also pointed out how many people I could name that were more like 3 when they TT.
I got a faily negative response from her, to whick I got stroppy and said if she wants him TT, she could come over and do it.
Anyone got some diplomatic words to say to my mum? She is swesome and will look after J all the time, and just adores him, so don't get me wrong her heart is in the right place.
But my eldest didnt TT til 3.. and i highly doubt i will have Annika done anytime soon maybe at the end of summer but she aint fussed at all.. not til she starts to wee or poo
I think its different these days to back then though - mainly cos so many of us are juggling working and looking after kids, home etc... so we probably do tend to delay it a bit longer IYKWIM? It takes time to do those things... and I know myself, I don't have the time to dedicate that - because I work as well.
My mum doesn't start worrying bout TT until they are about 4 and still not using it.
And btw - my DS screams at the potty too.
I'm letting HIM guide me to TTing him - cos thats when he will be ready - and I want it to be easy for him to do - not when its easy for me to do it.
DD TT'd in a couple of days and it was a painless process - BUT she was 2.5 and she was ready to do it. She just decided and that was basically it. I think it is much easier to wait until the child is ready and wants to do it and they end up with far fewer issues about going to the toilet.
I'm not sure how to go about getting that through to your mum but maybe look up on the internet or some books to see if you can find some information to back you up.
Oh big hugs. Im not sure what you can say to her other than that you are his mother and you are choosing to do it when he's ready as obviously hes scared of it now and will just make the process so much longer. I have a friend who was telling me about a mum in her mums group going through the same with her son.. he would scream every time the potty came out and now he is terrified of it. I think thats the last thing you want. My girlfriend's son is nearly 3 and she hasnt even started yet either.
With Jesse.. we dont even own a potty yet. I know hes not ready. Honestly.. i dont care what everyone else is doing at his age. He's not them iykwim. People may look down on me for him still being in a cot at night.. but i couldnt careless.. hes my son and im doing whats right for him not the general population of 2 year olds. He will sit in a pooey nappy all day if i let him. When i can smell hes done a poo and i ask have you done a poo he just says "noo". Theres so no point. Id rather wait until he totally understands. From what ive heard if you do it that way, then they can be completely trained within a week. If you do it when theyre not.. youll have accidents for months.
My mum also reckons that none of her 3 kids EVER threw a tantrum. lol.. yeh right. I think its just the older they get the more they forget! But also if your mum trained you at 2.. dont forget you are a girl. Girls always (well usually) do things fast than boys, esp TT.
Another approach maybe.. which is what ill be getting.. is one of those toilet seats with steps. Im not going to bother with a potty. Reason i like the toilet seat is, Jesse sees us on the toilet. So i think it will be easier for him to relate to sitting on that, the same way he sees us, than a foreign potty iykwim.
Best of luck hun, You are doing the right thing in my eyes. And what youve said to her is right.. if she wants to TT him, then come on over.
xx
Meg - I can totally sympathise. Every phone call I have with my mum she asks me if Rylee is TT yet.....drives me nuts, she knows I am getting PO but keeps asking me. Goes on about having two in nappies. So when she is here in December if she is that concerned she can TT Rylee....stick to your guns, if he ain't ready, he ain't ready!
Oow forgot to add also Meg... ive been told its not recommended to make any big changed in a toddler's life (ie.. new bed, TT etc) 3 months either side of a new bub coming along. With you pregnant and trying to get J TT, i think once bubs comes along it will all just go down hill again iykwim. Maybe thats something you can use with your mum?
Meg, I agree with Kell, heaps of people have told me that boys tend to take longer before they're ready to toilet train than girls.
With parents, perhaps it would be helpful to bring in the 'big guns' so to speak? You know, 'the MCHN says...' or 'the doctor says...' If she won't take the information from you.
Nelle- She doesn't have much faith in MCHN, so that might not help, but I might say something like the GP said.
I am totally not up for TT at the moment anyway. Just don't have the energy, so more than happy to wait.
Megiemoppit, I can so understand your situation. I am very close to my mum. but she suggested I start toilet training before Maya even turned 1. I think back in her days (in Germany) they did start a lot earlier. And most kids start kindy at 3 but kids that weren't TT were not accepted. So that is one of her points: you'll have troubles getting her into kindy and if they do accept her, she'll get ridiculed by the other kids. Bringing out the big guns, like Paediatricians, nurses, researchers etc. has no point as my mum believes they are all just full of c#%p. She doesn't believe in the modern "crazes" surrounding birth and child rearing, which was really helpful when striving for a natural birth, but not so much when it comes to extended BFing and stuff like that.
Anyway, bringing out the big gus in my opinion is telling her:
"This is my child, I am the mother, I make the decisions. You are entitled to your opinion but I will decide whether I take your suggestions on board or not. I am sure you didn't let your mother tell you how to raise your children. You had your chance and did it your way. Now I am doing things my way."
Oh, I remember one day when I was pregnant being in the supermarket with my mum and witnessing a toddler having a tantrum. I said something along the lines of; "Oh, I'm not looking forward to that." My mum just looked at me and said: "This is not normal, this can be prevented by good parenting. You and your brother never behaved like that."
Not sure if we did or not. But I am now of the opinion that it is normal for a toddler to have a tantrum every now and then. Especially in situations like long supermarket trips. It does depend on what kind of tantrum and how far out of control she gets, though...
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that we all go through this with our mums. We love them, they mean well, but they need to let us do our own thing.
All the best, Saša
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I think my mum needs to step back a bit
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