I know this topic has probably been discussed hundreds of times, but I can't stop thinking about it.
So how do you know when you are done having kids? After I had my DS (keeping in mind he is only 11 months) I swore I would be stopping at 2, DS and DD are only 18 months apart and DS had quite bad silent reflux, so the first few months were really difficult.
However, now that life has settled down, and everything is not so difficult I really feel like I need to have another baby- I just have this urge inside me, that makes me feel like I am 'not done yet'. DH at this stage has said no more, but I am pretty sure that as time goes on he will come round to the idea.
Practicly speaking, our house is a bit small, we could do with a bit more money (couldnt we all?) etc, but I dont know if things like this should standing in the way of having the family you desire.
Then comes the second part of my Dilema, which is if we have a larger age gap between #2 and #3, will #3 be left out?
So did you know when you were done having kids? Or does that desire always stay with you? Am I selfish wanting to satisfy my desire to have more children, and be surrounded by a large family? Am I being unfair to #3 (if there is to be one) having such a bigger age gap than between the first 2?
Ali, I wish I had some words of wisdom but unfortunately I am going through the same dilema myself and will be watching this thread with interest. I would still dearly love to have another child but the gap between my kids is getting larger all the time and I am getting older
I think you should follow your desire as it will be something you might regret later on. If a bigger family is a dream you had then go for it. The other stuff will fall into place and I am sure a third child, should there be one, would never feel left out in your family.
Good luck with the decision making. If you have any words of wisdom to share with me, go for it!
Regarding age gaps- between myself and various siblings there are various age gaps. I am closer now and have been since childhood to sisters who are much older than me than sisters who are closer in age. What I mean is, age gaps don't (in the long run) really determine much at all. I don't think they are an issue, so don't let that stop you. With your gentle influence your children will all get along well and play together irregardless of ages between them. Follow your gut feeling...
It's such a hard decision. We are going through the process of should we have another and if we do, when?
I think for me, if DH comes to a definate no, which he might, I will be thankful for my 2 beautiful girls. But if he is undecided than I might push a bit harder for the 3rd.
Our house is a bit small too, and I really don't think we could fit another child in here so we would have to move which is a big cost factor. Other things we are looking at is, will a third make it harder/more costly to go on holidays, give the kind of education we want, not to mention after school activities.
But after all that, my heart says YES!!!! I really want another. Right now I feel like 3 would be perfect for us. I don't think age gaps are too big a concern, because I believe personalities are more of an issue than age.
Probably haven't helped you much, but I know how your feeling.
Hi Ali!
All i can say is go with your heart (as lon gas its ok with dh). As i was lyong on the op table having just had Will i knew that i wanted another and nothing could stop that feeling. I knew if i didn't have another i would be constantly feeling that i hadn't finished and was missing something - and it wasn't to try for a girl as so many people have hinted at - i assumed we would have a third boy.
Money wise it does make a difference, our house is an ok size for 3 but the car thing really pushed us as there's not many cars that sit 3 car seats in them. Also having 3 has really stuffed us for going back to Uk to see family but it's what i really wanted so things will have to fit around having 3. If you go down that route, you will manage, however you do it, it is possible, even if everythings a bit more difficult, it's definately worth it.
it is a huge decision though so only you and dh can decide (although i think my dh would have stopped st 2 if i hadn't been so insistent).
Can't really comment on the age difference thing yet though - 18month between 1 and 2 and 2yrs 2months between 2 and 3. I wworry that Isla will feel left out as the boys are such good friend that they aren't going to want to play with the 'little girl' when they are older, but i'm sure everything will work out good.
I have two wonderful DD's 11YO & 10 YO (10 1/2 months apart) from a previous relationship, then DH and I decided we wanted to try for a son - we have been blessed with another DD who is now 2YO. And I have absolutely no urge to have another child. I kind of feel a bit alone in that department, most people I know either are planning more, or for some reason or another, aren't going to have more and are unhappy with that.
I can't say how you'll know when you've 'finished', I can only tell you from my experience that I am incredibly content with my family as it is. Yes occassionally I get that little feeling of cluckiness - but it's more a sense of grieving that my DD's are growing up and will never be that precious little newborn, or that gorgeous little baby just learning to sit/talk/walk, etc. again. But on the other hand, I look at the present and future and the wonderful kids/young women they are becoming and how many more exciting experiences we are having now and the future to look forward to.
Wow Ali. Take the bit out about your DH maybe coming around later, and that is my story. Exactly!
You know, I don't think the feeling of wanting another baby ever goes away completely. I still have yearnings and get clucky around babies. But I have accepted that this is how it is and that there won't be any more for various reasons. And having accepted that, it's made it much easier to live with. Now when I think about it, I know that it couldn't have worked for us, and that my family is better off the way it is. And I can live with that. And be happy with the two beautiful boys that I have.
Now, this might not be true for you, as your circumstances are no doubt different to mine. But I think that it is vital to accept a decision once it's made, and make peace with the way things are. It really helps you to be happy and stop wondering "what if". But of course, until the decision's made and final, there are lots of things to consider. I wish you all the very best with making the decision. It's definitely not an easy one. But if it helps, life with two kids is pretty wonderful for me.
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