Advice appreciated- 3.5 year old girl

[Papillon]

Ok, so our 3.5 year old daughter has been day time trained since the start of this year... she has been doing so well. We havent tried night time yet as approx. 2.5 months ago she started just "weeing" on the floor, or where ever she was standing/laying.

We kinda got her out of it, or changed the behaviour and she started using the toilet again.

But of the last 3-4 weeks i have noticed it is getting alot more regular she is just peeing whereever she likes or happens to be at the time. Some days she will rush off and use the toilet all day long, then some days if she is playing in a room she just does the wee there. Or if we are out she is weeing in her pants....

She used to always verbalise when she needed to go, and sometimes ask for us to assist, or be fine on her own. Either way, we have always been happy to accomodate.

#2's have been the same as #1's, if we are home she will go to the toilet, but if we are out she has just done them in her pants. It isnt as regular as the weeing in her pants, but still, i am just confused and dont know what to do.

I try not to get mad at her, as i cant see how it will help, but DF does get very cross with her, and i have had to step in a couple of times as he has punished her for weeing on the spot at home or gone off at her when she has done it when we are out.

I am torn as to whether i should be stepping in, as what if how he is approaching is the right way, and me being more easy going about it, is making her do it more.

I just need to know if anyone else has been through this? is this a normal stage of TT'ing? and what can i do to positivly get her through this stage.

(might add most of the wet/poo in the pants outing's happens when she is playing somewhere, so a park, playground, etc etc so possible maybe she is leaving it to late??? or do you think being she has been trained for the better part of a year now, she is choosing to do it?)

any advice/experience's will be greatly appreciated!

[Lulu]

Ooh, thats a hard one, but no matter what yelling at her is not going to change it - your approach seems the way to go!

Has anything happened recently? Something changed, have you moved or DH changed working hours? It would be nice to try and pinpoint any possible reason for this to have an understanding how to fix it.

[SamiH]

Gee, I could have written your post!!

My 3.5 yo has been TT for over a year. About 4 months ago she started doing the same thing - I have now put it down to being lazy and leaving it too late - #2 she has never done in her pants though. She is great in mornings, but in arvo if she is playing etc - she is too busy!! She was doing it at childcare too - but she didn't care. Anyway, we have had a good week with only 1 accident. I have tried everything from bribery, sticker charts, praise, telling her off, punishment, talking about going to preschool next year. She started 2 months before bubs was born so I don't think it has anything to do with that either.

I will be interested to see what others say. My friends daughter went through a similar phase - but it only lasted a month - my DD's went on for 4!

[SamiH]

Just wanted to add I also had her tested for a urinary tract infection cos sometimes if this is long-term it can decrease the sensitivity in needing to go ....

HTH

[Papillon]

hi Lulu, thanks for replying.

I agree, but for the life of me i cant think of what it may have been. We havent moved, DF has not changed working hours (currently off work on workcover so home all the time), no change in childcare, or family. The only thing is apprx end of july, DF and i went through a really rough patch.... it only lasted about a week and we were on the road to find ways through it. Other than that i cant think of anything else??????? !!!!!!!!

I know i am not 100% atm as i am still struggling with PND. Had it with her when she was born, got through that and then had it again and much worse with my son. So unless its me thats making her do it??? but i dont know... that doesnt feel right... argh i just wish i could figure out what it is and then id be able to do something to help her

ETA: sami just saw your post.... wow... ok so maybe i should take her to the dr's to see if maybe she has a UTI?

[SamiH]

It's worth ticking the box I think.

I was soooo hoping that was it for my DD LOL. But nope, she was in the clear.

[Papillon]

so is she still doing it? or is it better/

i too am wondering if it is just lazyness.... the temptation of playing is much stronger than the desire of going to the loo. I mean heack it can be damn annoying at the wrong time lol but still.... i need to dio something.

I do think it has gotten worse due to the punishment DF did.... and when she does it he gets so angry at her. I think cause she acts so grown up, he forgets she is still just a baby really. Learning all this stuff....

[Charlyfrog]

I do think it has gotten worse due to the punishment DF did.... and when she does it he gets so angry at her. I think cause she acts so grown up, he forgets she is still just a baby really

You mentioned that you and your partner went through a rough patch - even though it was a while ago and only for a short time. Children are so sensitive to their parents interactions and emotions etc, they can pick up what we think we are hiding so well. This may seem a bit different but what gets rewarded gets repeated - so if your little one gets a huge reaction from weeing wherever, whenever, even if it isn't great attention, she could be just after some added reassurance so will go for it however she can.

Please!!! There is no way I am saying you're a bad parent because just reading your posts, you are not!! You are a wonderful mummy looking after your little one But I have found with my girls, if DH & I have a moment, and we've had those that last for a week or so, my girls behaviour changes. Just today, DD#2 is in a 'mood' as we are paying lots of attention to DD#1 as she is vomiting and really sick today - DD#2 doesn't get that her big sister is sick, just that mummy & daddy's attention is more elsewhere.

Does all that make sense??

I am no expert, just a mummy whose observed her own little ones so all this woffle may not even apply, but it might be worth considering along with the medical options (infections etc). So all I'd suggest would be going back to when you trained her and massively rewarding her for her successes and simply changing her, as unemotionally as possible (easier said than done as my eldest has had those inconvenient accidents just because she didn't listen to her body!) and moving on.

I got this great DVD to teach DD#1 to pay attention to her body and it was simply "Bear in the Big Blue House - Potty Time" - Tutter wants to play checkers but is wriggling everywhere coz he needs to go to the toilet, OJ has an accident because she waited to long and I just love how Big Bear talks to your child and the characters about listening to your body.

Anywhos, hope you don't mind me sharing and maybe even hope it helped you a little.

[Papillon]

Charlyfrog... thats awesome advice. I will just go back to the start.. i will get DF to read this too. SO TRUE, if we dont pay it that attention, and praise her for when she does do it where she is meant too, it has to be more enticing! Not to mention that dvd, i do recall seeing it, i will give it a go.

I am the kind of parent who believes 100% to always ask for help, as you said yourself, you may not have answer's but your observations can sometimes be just what we need too.

OH i just had a thought...

Our son is very under weight and size for his age, over the past few months we have had appts galore with specialists trying to find whats wrong and why he is so small... what if we didnt even realise but have been swooning over him and not giving her what she needs???? OMG... i didnt even think of that.,.... and seev now we have a diagnosis, i am having to feed him every hour throughout the day and make sur ehe is eating, so as you can imagine, thats alot of time on him!! AND seeing as she goes to childcare 3 days a week, there is 3 days she isnt getting our attention.. OMG ... i just didnt even connect it.

*feels horribly rotten*

Thank charlyfrog, see your post (observations) shared have possibly really brought about the possible reason and answer.

i could jump through the screen and hug you!

(p.s i will still take her to the gp just to be sure!)

[Charlyfrog]

Oh hun!! I too only see things after the moment sometimes and we sound so similar as I too would cover all my bases at once (ie going to dr's etc)

See?!? You're an amazing mummy!! Don't feel bad at all!!