I'm considering returning to work full time for the next 12-18 months. DH's workplace only have 6-8 weeks of work left, then nothing, so we're a little scared of what the future holds for him.
With me returning to work full time, it'll mean having to put the girls in daycare full time. The thought of doing this really upsets me, but dh and I realise it's not forever, and it's what needs to be done at the moment.
So what I'm looking for is any advice others can give me on how to cope when both parents are working full time. Not just mentally, but physically. How do you make it work? And most importantly, how do overcome the guilt of having to leave them?
Oh Jodi It is really hard going back to work when it's not by choice.
I really don't know where to start, I'll try to share my experience without writing a novel. Firstly, in many ways the thought of leaving the boys was worse than the actual doing. I am lucky that my boys thrive at day care (they go 3 days a week and are looked after by my PIL 2 days a week). They both love it, so that makes it much easier. And I have seen how much they have gained from day care, they are happy there, stimulated, learning so much and their social and communication skills seem to improve every week. So that is enough to stop me feeling too guilty.
With regard to yourself, physically it's exhausting (especially at first). Emotionally ever more so I think, although that definitely improves too. One key is to be super organised. To do a day's work, pick kids up and have dinner ready and kids bathed by a decent hour is pretty tough. I am lucky that my ILs cook 2 nights a week when they are here with the boys. On the 3 day care nights we mostly have left overs (so I have to plan in advance - I do a weekly menu up at the start of each week), or we save the quick and easy to cook meals for those nights. Day care (and work) lunches are made up the night before. I have set washing nights and put a load on as soon as I get home so I'm not up hanging clothes at midnight. My MIL helps with cleaning, if you have no other help get a cleaner. It will make a huge difference.
Which leads to me to the other key - you need to make sure you look after yourself and find some "me-time". This is tricky as a ft working mum, but it can be done. I have managed to fit Pilates in at lunch time twice a week (luckily they are next door to work), and I now do things on weekends or in the evenings sometimes. I used to not ever go out without the boys unless it was a really special occasion because I hated missing time with them when I was missing them during the week days as well. But after a year, I am starting to get out more and we are all better off for it. And DH and I are going out together once a month or so now as well which is also making a huge difference. "US" time for you and your DH is really important too.
Ok, just about a novel, so I'll stop there unless I think of something else really important. In the meantime, feel free to ask more questions. You will manage hun, and it might not be as bad as you think. GL.
Thank you for replying MR, I was hoping you would.
I currently have both girls in daycare 2 days a week, and I'll slowly be increasing it until I start work, which is hopefully in a month's time.
Nina absolutely loves daycare, and so far Emily hasn't had any issues. She's been going for 3 weeks now.
I am generally an organised person, but I worry how I'll do dinner, bath, bed, washing etc all in a couple of hours a day. So thanks for those tips.
Oh yeah, one more tip - we have been known to skip the bath on day care nights if it's late and/or the boys are tired. Unless they are covered in sand (which they often are), I think it's ok to miss the bath. They usually will go in the shower with us in the morning if they haven't had a bath the night before, but even if you didn't do that I don't think it would matter for one day.
I don't know what your work hours are like, but how do the boys go with being at daycare all day, 3 days a week? Are they completed buggared and hard to get up the next day, or are they ok? And do you put them to bed earlier on daycare nights?
DS2 is tired by 5pm every day - day care or not. Even with a 2 - 4 hour sleep during the day LOL! But he manages to get through bath and dinner usually and then goes straight down after dinner/bath (whichever is last, depends on the day). DS1 is mixed, sometimes he is tired and goes straight down, some nights he stays up a bit. Generally I try to have DS1 down by 7:45pm on the day care nights and DS2 by 7:15. That is normal time anyway, but if there is no day care in the morning and the boys seem ok, sometimes they do stay up later.
Generally they wake around 6am every morning, which is the time we get up for work, so it's not hard to get them up. But we have had some mornings when we've had to wake one of them, which is not good as neither do well when woken up before they are ready!! Lucky these mornings are few and far between. I think it was more of a problem when DS1 was younger, I remember having to wake him more often before we had DS2.
We are even really, really lucky about twice a year, and they both sleep till 7 or 8am on a Sunday morning!
See that's my problem. Nina isn't a morning person, her usual wake up time is around 8am. Anything earlier is unusual for her, regardless of what time she went down the night before.
Emily is usually in bed by 6pm at the very latest, but I'm sure as she gets older that'll change.
It is an adjustment for everyone at first. You will certainly find the first weeks the hardest. Hopefully though as they get used to it, they will start sleeping and waking at the "right" times. Nina might adjust by going to bed earlier (if you can manage it), or she might sleep longer during her day sleep. I know that when I went back to work the first time, with just DS1, I used to really worry that he wasn't getting enough sleep. And probably back then he wasn't. But now I would say the boys both get enough sleep.
I guess the thing is, you try it and see what happens. If there is a particular thing that isn't working - one of them is too tired in the evening, or one needs to be woken up each morning - then you look at that one problem and see if there is anything you can do differently to help. We have certainly got better at this as we've gone along.
DH and I both work full time and I do shift work. DD goes to child care 5 days a week. We have no family here and our friends are limited in the help they can provide. It is hard to manage things at times. We have a rule that DD does not start CC before 8am and isn't there after 530 unless there is something major happening.
Like MR, I make a meal plan in advance (I do a monthly one as soon as my roster is out) and super quick meals are used on nights we get home "late" (so 530 pick ups) or I use the slow cooker on those nights. Things that take longer to cook are saved for when I'm on an early shift (so home with DD by 430) or weekends.
I do my washing whenever I can and often leave notes for DH to hang it out or bring it in when he gets home (if he's home before me) or set it so it is ready for me to hang before I leave for work. I also have a dishwasher and that goes on every night before bed.
DD's CC provides her lunch and morning/afternoon tea so I don't have to worry about that. But we do pack snacks in her bag for the trip home as sometimes she is starving at that time. Her bag gets packed the night before and I always leave her clothes out the night before so that it is quicker dressing her.
When we get home from child care/work, it is all about routine. Getting dinner on the table and bathing and getting DD to bed. She is usually in bed by 730 at the latest - but that varies.
But mostly, DH and I communicate and share as much as possible so we can cope. We both have designated me time which we can do whatever we like with and we also have organised sleep ins. And there are some things we turn a blind eye to like cleaning. We aren't pedantic about it being spotless - so long as it is clean we're ok.
Thanks so much for that MG, that was a great help.
The girls CC provide meals as well, so that's one less thing I have to worry about. I'm like you, I don't like the girls being there longer than 5pm, so hopefully between dh and I, we'll be able to pick them up before that time.
I am not back full time but I work 4 days a week and to be honest this is more than 40 hrs most weeks...i agree with the tips above and would add a few things
I often cook food for DS on a Sunday so I havea back up of food for him for the week, I provide his food at day care so need lunches etc as well as dinners etc.
I also have an arrangement with a friend with a baby the same age (who also works) and when we cook up a batch of food we give a few serves to each other, just to add to variety for the kids. this works really well - keep them in the freezer.
i often cook double so DS can have some of our dinner for lunch or we can have as left overs
I have a range of easy meals i can make in under 30 mins for dh and i
we have just started having alternative 'nights off' - ie one does the night routine bath/bottle/bed - we used to do this together... this gives 20 mins of 'down time' or one of us can go out or to gym or whatever without having to be there for bed time ever single night - this was bc i was struggling with no time for myself
obe of us drops off and one of us picks up from care each day usually
good luck - i find the guilt i feel is a lot worse than the reality for DS
xxx
Returning to work full time
Reply With QuoteIt is really hard going back to work when it's not by choice.
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