Hi, first time on here so a little apprehensive. I had a missed mc in September 2008. I had alredy had a us @ 7weeks and we heard our baby's heartbeat. I went for my 12 week scan only to find out our baby had stopped dev at 8weeks. Sadly for 1 month I went along happy as larry with no idea what was happening inside of me.. After this we went to the doctor who was a right creep (my reg doc was not on) I ended up having a d&c as the thought of carrying on and waiting to mc naturally freaked me out.
I had the d&c and has we don't have health insurance I was sent to an abortion clinic where I was asked if I was sure about my decision?? As if I had chosen to be there!! I quickly and very bluntly may I add, told the nurse i was not there by choice..
It then got even worse when I had just awoken from my anisthetic to be told very casually, there were actually two babies. She went on to say they wouldn't have been identical (as if that mattered)and they were exactly lined up so that's why we couldnt see it on the us.. I was blown away as I was already mourning 1 baby only to find we had lost 2.I found our treatment thoughout disgusting and I am hearing more and more similar stories. Sorry this is so long!! What made it worse was my partner and I actually cancelled our wedding to save money for the baby. (the pg was a little bit of an oops but we were both happy) So everyone knew I was pregnant as we cancelled it. Gee I am making myself depressed re-reading this ;-) It's weird to actually think about it agian in such detail..
We are now going to ttc again and I am so worried as to how I will be able to function the first 12 weeks. the only thing that i can be positive about is the fact the docter said the mc was most likely just due to being twins.She thinks I will be fine but I just don't think I can face going thru it again.
I am just interested in how others were treated and how they found the courage to not totally stress out 4 the first 12 weeks and then beyond. I really want to have a baby but the actual thought of having another mc scares the life out me. I am 32 btw so I would rather do it sooner rather than later.
I am not sure if anyone will even read this but I have to say i actually feel a little better just saying how i feel. Thank you to anyone that responds and actually took 5 mins out of their day to read this..
Cheers...
Firstly Looben - welcome to Belly Belly - I am sorry you are here under such sad circumstances...
Miscarriage is a really challenging and devastating journey - the path is never straight and the pain and sadness can hit from no where. Pregnancy after loss is hard - I am not going to sugar coat it. It's really hard. The thing that helped me was making milestones - achieveable ones that are not too far apart. Regular u/s can help some women - others do not find the stress leading up to u/s to be worth it & choose not to have regular u/s.
The most important thing is support from peers who undrstand - who have been where you are.
Join us in the TTC (trying to conceive) After Miscarriage/Loss thread - all the women in there sadly know first hand some of what you are feeling.
Hi there
I only joined today as well. I have had two miscarriages and they think one of the times was twins as well (the second mc). I had d&c's both times. I am ttc to conceive again and very nervous about it! The dr found out I have anti cardiolipin antibodies after the 2nd mc which causes blood clots in the pregnancy. Have read lots of positive messages on here about it though! Good luck!
Melly
Thanks for your reply, So you have no idea where you are going on here either then being new??
It is a very scary thing and I am very sorry for your loss. I wont say any more as I am sure you have already met many ppl who have put their foot in their mouths with stupid and insensitve comments..
I am only starting to try this month and havent had our 1st attempt yet. I think we end up on here to talk to others who ACTUAALY understand and dont just say oh well least you know you can have a baby etc
Wishing you lots of luck. Who knows we may end up pg at the same time.!!!! Hopefully!!!
Lou
It is very scary. I was extremely scared to ttc after two m/c in a row but I knew I wanted a baby so there was only one thing to do and that was to take the plunge. Luckily it was third time lucky for us and our baby boy is now 4 weeks old. The first 12 weeks were so scary but when I held Sam in my arms for the first time it made it all worthwhile. Sometimes we have to do things that scare us, like rollercoasters, they scare the daylights out of us but we go on them over and over again because we want that feeling that you get when the ride ends. Your ttc ride might be bumpy like a rollercoaster but be confident that it will have an exciting end... best wishes and please keep believing.
Thankyou AJC they were great words!! I am usually very strong and positive but it's still obviously very worrying. I know I am not alone and I will be a Mum one day soon.. I do not plan on giving up that easily ,think I just need some words of wisdom from ppl like yourself that have come thru it and had a healthy baby. Big congrats to you on Sam. Sounds like you are over the moon and I am very glad you have him...
lou
Hi Looben, so sorry to hear of your loss it is such an awful thing to go through.
With my first pregnancy i too had a scan at 7 weeks due to some slight spotting, all was well and our baby had a strong little hearbeat. i was told not to worry about any future bleeding unless it was a huge amount. When i started spotting again at 8 weeks i ignored it, thinking all was fine but as the days went by i just knew something was wrong. I finally managed to be re-scanned again at 10 weeks only to find that the heartbeat had stopped at 8 weeks. I went on to miscarry naturally (big mistake) but then needed a d&c anyway due to some remaining tissue.
Doctors etc can be very insensitive and you should not have been treated that way! TTC again after a loss is very tough and doesnt get any easier. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of one day, i will be holding my baby in my arms and i think that makes all the heartache worthwhile. I am determind that this will not beat me and i will get my baby, i am sure you will too!!
Hi Loobden,
Our stories are a bit simmilar. I was on maxillon as I had terrible morning sickness. These tablets made me feel really strange and I was still not keeping anything down so I went to the local ED. The doctor there gave me an ultrasound and the baby measured 7w6d and had a great heartbeat. The doctor told me to stop taking maxillon and gave me another tablet called zofran that many people have taken during pregnancy.
I went for my 12 week u/s yesterday and the baby only measured 8w3d and had no heartbeat. Like you I have gone the past month thinking I am pregnant (although I did have my doubts. I couldn't feel my uterus, my boobs hadn't grown and my m/s stopped at 9 weeks).
I am booked in for a D&C on Thursday. I chose not to wait it out or to have it bought on medicinally, I just want it over and done with and move on.
This baby wasn't planned but it didn't mean it wasn't loved. We will try again in the coming months, and although I feel a bit apprehensive and so so scared I just want to try this one last time. If anything happens then that will be it.
Good lick with your next pregnancy, hopfully all goes well.
I am so sorry about the way you were treated - you have gone through such a traumatic series of events around your m/s which has made a harder situation even more difficult to process. I had a m/c in Sept 08 at 9 wks and must admit I was surprised at the lack of information and the vague follow up that resulted - I had a complete m/c that did so of its own accord. I felt absolutely raw for the next few months and I found I was also very angry and kept trying to find anchors for that anger to fasten ontp (not sure if I was looking for 'something' to blame or if that was just one of the stages of grief but it was sure there).
I had a couple of weird cycles before January and I think there sometimes are things that need to 'work out' of your system before you can get back to where you were - in my case this seemed true. I think it may depend on your circumstances. Many people go through the m/c process of creating memorials (it may be symbolically planting something, burying an item or a spoken ceremony) - my DP and I actually buried our little one - and for many people this seems to help release the pain and bring a sense of that situation to a resolution. Like yourself, many people write down their stories and find the physical act of doing so and the emotional and mental process you go through to put it into words again releases and appeases what we have been through and what we feel.
I found for myself - I will never forget my little one - but I needed to create a sense that each TTC cycle that followed had nothing to do with the previous experience - I suppose in the same way that we do not treat children the same as each other but respect that each has a right to its own identity. If I can hang on to that sense then that means this pregnancy I now have has nothing to do with my previous pregnancy (I have changed a lot of the circumstances of my life since then) and that fears linked to what happened back then are irrelevant - I'm not saying I've achieved this - but this is what I am always consciously working towards. This is where I needed to personally end up before I could move on.
I hope something here may be of relevance to where you are at the moment - but you have been through so much, you and your partner and you deserved much better.
I send every blessing that you find the answers you want and need.
Hi there,
I am a fairly new member on here and this is my second post so I wasn't sure where to put it!! I am wondering if anyone knows anything about the treatment for anticardiolipin or antiphospholipid antibodies during pregnancy? I have been diagnosed as this might be the cause of my two m/c's. The dr has told me I have to use Aspirin and Clexane when we next conceive (fingers crossed!). Has anyone on here ever had to do this? I would love to know if anyone has experienced it, as I am a bit nervous about it. It is lovely to read everyones thoughts and feelings on here. It is nice to know that I am not alone!
MellyD
Loobden,
I too didn't know until my 12 week ultra sound, it was awful I was hysterical so my sympathy is with you. I am actually trying for my 2nd baby and have been for the last 13 months, My son is now 2. We found out on my sons 1st birthday I was pregnant and hen @ the 12wk US they said there was no heart beat, I felt so stupid I kept thinking "why didn't I realise".
Anyway I have since has a 2nd MC in Oct08 and now am trying to be positive TTC!
Someone else mentioned the reward at the end and it is WHAT I NEEDED to be reminded of! It is so true once you hold that baby the rollercoaster is all worth it, ok I can get through this now!!! thank you
Good luck with your trying, keep me updated, fingers crossed for us both!!
Thankyou to all of you who replied. Just found out today I am pregnant. I am really excited but also a little apprehensive after my I misscarried our twins..
I am going to try and stay positive and just picture holding my first child in my arms..
Thankyou all again!!!
ps have no idea how to change my mood on here but it def isnt blah!!!! lol
Congrats on the new pregnancy. It's very unlikely that you will experience another loss. Yes it does happen, but most women who have a m/c have a successful pregnancy soon afterwards. Don't pay any attention to my signature cos I'm over 40 so of course it was very likely that I would have it happen again. Best wishes for a happy, healthy and uneventful pregnancy this time around.
Oh, being positive is the way to go. I did that with my last pregnancy & despite a few test results that suggested issues all was well in the end. I just kept pushing the negative thoughts to the back of my mind & hoped for the best.
Last edited by satya; February 4th, 2009 at 05:52 PM.
looben that is such happy news. We havn't started trying again as it is still too soon (plus I was LUCKY enough to develop an infection after the D&C 2 weeks ago) Sorry if TMI!!
I guess the next 12 weeks are going to suck for you emotionally but you will get there.
I re-read this post again to remind me what the topic was. How come you were sent to an abortion clinic? Do you live in Australia?
When I had my miscarriage, I had my D&C done at the hospital and so didn't cost me anything.
Anyway, good on you for keeping positive and moving forward. I will keep a look out for you to follow your progress!!
Looben - Just wanted to say how sorry i was to read of your loss. It is horrible how you were treated.
Congratulations on your new pregnancy thats great news. Just found out we are expecting after 2 m/c (1 mm/c) so can understand a little about how worried you feel.
Wishing you happy and healthy 9 months.
looben, congrats!! I love hearing ladies who have experience mc getting their BFP I'm hanging out to see if I get mine on monday, Fingers crossed!
Good luck with this preg, it will be hard but just imagine holding your baby at the end of it all! And most importantly don't listen to any remarks people might make to you, not everyone understands and they definately don't think before the speak! xx
Treatment after mc & ttc again thoughts???
Reply With Quote
TTC after miscarriage
to you for a wonderful nine months - may joy be your constant companion on the rollercoaster (hopefully she throws up less!!
)
Bookmarks