is this right?

[squidipa]

o.k heres the thing my step mom lives with my dad on other side of country and i love them both very much. My step mom has incurable emphysema and is on oxygen. My dad has no other children whom lives near him or has contact with him. My father tho does keep good contact with my step mothers kids thats are all grown up with kids that have left home mostly now.

Me and hubbie been thinking about the inevitable ..... death and we know that my mum will die. I have loads of feeling on this but will stick to the point here.. We wonder how my dad whom i am very close too... would cope.. and we would like to be able to say dad if u want u can come live with us we would love it. But i dont know how to word it right. do i say something or not? thoughts???

[squidipa]

[Meo]

You need to say something, just so that the idea is percolating in the back of his mind. He may already have thought of it but be hesitant to bring it up because he's not sure if that would be intruding on your space.

I'm not sure how you'd word it, but I do think you should mention the idea to him.

Good luck.

[Rommy'sMummy]

I agree with Meo, there is a lot that doesnt get said in these situations.

I would probably be general with comments about spending more time together later on or your dad coming over for long visits in the future etc. He might take the lead in the conversation once you have opened it up for him.

I dont think you would hurt him by making gentle offers.

Good luck.

[squidipa]

im concerned that he could become offended as he does own a home and he might think im trying to pull him away from the family there or something i dunno.

how should i word it? any thoughts?

[kelebek]

maybe you could suggest to him that if he wants to come and have a holiday with you and stay for awhile at any time he might realise you mean after your mum passes away. Death is one of those things that people don't want to talk about and don't know how to talk about it, I personaly find the best way is to be as considerate but upfront as possible.

Goodluck.

[squidipa]

im so lost im sitting here thinking should i email them or what i so dont ant to upset anyone at alll

hows this sound

Hi mom and dad,

i been worried about you both alot actually, i dont know how to say or phrase this but what i do know is that im concerned about you both. Its hard being here in qld sometimes phone calls just dont cut it i just dont know whats really happening and going on. i do want to know whats happening and going on thats for sure. I want to know how you both are. dad you seem to be on a decline and obviously thats no good nor the discomfort that that brings to you. Is everything that could be being done be being done for you? whats the future hold i mean like has drs said that its going to get worse and if so how? Can they operate and do something to help?

I know that emial is not the best way to say this but it may be the easist way. I hope i dont offend you both by writing this out but that way you can take some time to respond when your free and able to and give it some thought. I do not want to upset you both by this email but i am concerned.

mom i know that you have seen better days and i know everything that can be done is being done, once again its so hard with me here in qld and with phone calls i just sorta feel like im not getting a whole picture. Im very concerned i imagine you would be in discomfort are the drs doing all they can in this department. How are you both? are coping and dealing with this situation. I gather your making the most of each and everyday u can. As bold as it is i need to ask these things i need to know if your o.k and i know o.k is not the right wording im sorry but as i said im concerned. theres more im wanting to say but i just dont want to upset anyone. I just wanted you both to know i love you BOTH very very very very much and i think about you all all the time and miss you BOTH heaps. If ya want need anyone to chat to im here. As i said i dont want to offend anyone but just wanted you to know im here. I am unsure if i would have been bold enough to actually say all this face to face anyhow or even on the phone as i wouldnt want to offend nor upset anyone. I know tho i been thinking this alot tho.xoxox

Dad im especially concerned at how your coping i wouldnt even know how to aproach this topic nor how to cope if i was you but i just wanted you to especially know we are here for you a much as people dont want to face things i just dont think that some things are better left un said if you know what i mean. xoxox


well ill leave these words with you both

xoxoxox


help me ladies im desprate to get ths right and i think im getting all emotional about it that i just cant get my words right.

[Rommy'sMummy]

Hun, what comes across from your email is that;
# you love them both
# you are worried
# you feel out of the loop
# you are worried they are keeping medical info from you
# you are questioning weather they have explored all the options medically
# you dont want to offend anyone (you have said this quite a few times)
# you feel awkward emailing this but feel it is a good way of raising these sensitive issues and letting them have the space to respond thoughtfully

Is that what you were trying to achieve? Dont worry about how you phrase things too much. The sentiment is coming through.

Goodluck

[squidipa]

Is that what you were trying to achieve? Dont worry about how you phrase things too much. The sentiment is coming through.

Goodluck

yes thats ahh what im trying to say just so dont want anyone to get offended yet i sorta think they will.

[squidipa]

is there a better way to word it anyone? i been thinking bouts it all night