I discipline WAY different to my mother. My mother has a short temper and her way of discipling was to smack or "flog" us. I use smacking as a last resort. My mother seems to think (ofcourse ) that I don't smack Briley enough!
She has on a few occasions smacked the girls and I have just let it slide with a stern look. But she knows that if I would go off at her if she went too far.
As for exMIL, she is a bit like me when it comes to disciplining but has also smacked the girls. I especially don't like it when she smacked them but again, I let it slide.
So, do you let your Mother/MIL smack your children?
My MIL or mother never have smacked my children. Ive never really been around MIL long enough for the girls to misbehave, thus seeing her reaction. But my gut says no, she wouldnt smack.
My mum has looked after the girls on the odd occasion, maybe raised a stern voice now and then, but no, hasnt smacked my girls either.
no way! It is a total breach of trust in the eyes of the child. It is your job to protect them and that includes physical 'abuse' from family.
I don't smack my boys very often. Once in a blue moon and it's only been for serious things, like running on a road or touching the heater etc, but I would NEVER allow anyone else to smack them.
Absolutely not. The disciplining of my children is the business of myself and DH, not anyone else.
If it is regards to an incident when I am not present, my belief in my own situation (not anyone else's ) is that if child is not old enough to be told (and understand) "your mother/father will resolve this issue with you" then they are definitely not able to grasp why someone is smacking them.
This is my own opinion in regards to my own children.
I have a VERY strict rule on smacking. No one but DP or myself are to do it. I am not against smacking. But as a child was literally belted! Not saying I don't smack or judge anyone else for smacking though, but I tend to use it, like most people, as a last result. I would rather find alternatives. But if I ever EVER found out someone else had smacked my child I would be absolutely ropable, no matter how naughty she had been.
I was very rarly smacked as a child and if I was I KNEW that I have over stepped that line that pushed mum or dad to far. I will smack my kids if they are really out of line (and it would take alot to push me over I think) and if my mum or dad were looking after them and they did something out of line that I would smack them for then I would be ok with that.
Saying that I think my mum and dad are going to be the sort of Grandma and Grandad that will be the type to be wrapped around my kids fingers and they will get away with murder! Just they way it should be! hehehe
Unfortunately DD never spent time alone with MIL (because I didn't trust FIL with DD AT ALL), but I know she wouldn't have smacked unless it was really serious.
DH and I are pretty lax about smacking, sometimes we do, sometimes we don't, and while DH and I agreed when DD was a newborn that *we* would be the only smackers, I don't mind too much if my mum gives her a tap on the backside when she's really acting out... There are a couple of times when mum has been here and DD has done something, and because mum's closer I say, 'Just give her a smack for that, please' but mum's a typical proud grandma - can barely lay a finger on her, so I don't think it worries DD at all when nanna smacks her lol... to me, it's not much of an issue if mum smacks DD when I'm not around, because mum doesn't like doing it (although she didn't seem to be bothered by belting my brother and I as kids!) and as she works with little kids, she has learned plenty of other methods of discipline that are probably just as, if not more, effective. I know she doesn't do it anywhere near as frequently or as hard as DH and I, so if DD behaves badly enough to get a smack from nanna, chances are it's better nanna was the one doling it out than me, or she would have copped it worse!
If anything, DH is the worst smacker out of us all, sometimes I give him a serve because he loses his temper and smacks DD too hard (I can't stand to see a red mark on her skin and DH absolutely cops it if he loses control enough to let it happen), or smacks her on the arm or back, where I know it *really* hurts, rather than on her upper thigh or across the back of the hand. So to me, DH's smacking is more of a worry than my mum's!
my mother also has a short temper and my dad was like mum instead of my mother as she wasnt what you call a mum.... she has at time yelled and lost her cool with my children but noone other than me and their dad is to smack them ever i would go nuts.
Well, we don't smack. My MIL wont (doesn't) smack. I worry about my parents, not that we ever spend much time with them anyway but no it isn't acceptable for them to smack her at all. There would be hell to pay if they ever did.
MIL & Her partner live overseas, and my kids don't spend time alone with FIL and his wife so we dont have to worry about about them- but if they ever were to spend time with them I would make my ideas on smacking extremley clear.
As I child I was very very rarely smacked, and I knew when I was that I had pushed the boundaries wayyyyyyyyy to far- Mum and dad have the kids alot, and mum has already said that she would never smack the kids as she knows that is not the way we discipline.
In all honesty I dont think that it is anyone but a parents job to discipline a child when they are present, and when your child is in the care of someone else, I think that person should follow the discipline methods that you choose as your family.
My MIL has threatened my girls, which I really don't like, but has never smacked them. I really don't think she ever would.
My mum has smacked my DD's & neice. DD1 I don't remember (not even sure if she has to tell the truth), but DD2 & my neice ran off & ran across a road. I was pushing a pram & mum ran after them when they ignored us & kept running.
Thats the only time I can remember her doing it & that was purely for their safety & to hope they never do that again.
We smack for certain things, but we have put a great deal of thought into our reasoning behind it, and the boundaries that come with that. I am generally not okay with someone else smacking my child because they have not put as much thought into the discipline of my children as I have.
I say generally because I am close to my parents and inlaws, and have told them they can smack if my child deliberately behaves dangerously after being told not to (eg, lets go of a hand in a carpark and runs, shoves things into a powerpoint), because to me, that is not a lesson that can wait til mum and dad come to get them. I also expect to be told when this happens (not often at all, because a grandparent growl is more effective than a parent growl), and called if they're unsure about anything. We're still the boss, the grandparents are just our discipline henchmen.
Anyway. That is not something that most will agree with, and I'm sure there will be people who think badly of me and can't comprehend the thought and care we put into the discipline of our children, especially when we originally thought we wouldn't choose to smack, but I wanted to contribute my different viewpoint.
On the side - if you don't smack, obviously you you've thought about it and have your reasons for that, so if you're not comfortable with your mother smacking (especially when your experience is that she can lack self-control), my personal thought would be not to let it slide.
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Do you let your Mother/MIL smack your Children?
) that I don't smack Briley enough!
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