My DS is 2 and a half months old and is generally a happy, contented baby. However, like any baby he has his cranky, unsettled times... and when he does I am the only person who can settle him. My DH has tried, but DS just screams and screams - then hand him to me and he almost instantly calms down. I figured this is pretty normal for such a young bub, but it's really upsetting my DH. He wants to be as involved as he can, but he says he feels useless, and I can tell he is getting discouraged by it, and not wanting to keep trying.
Any ideas how to get my DS to settle for DH, or any ideas how to make my DH feel better about the situation? TIA
My DD was never easily settled by DP (he blames it on me being the one with the bbs! ) and even now at three she's never looking for Daddy when she's upset. Not even when she's in trouble with me! I used to give DP (and still do) other jobs that make him feel useful without needing bubs' cooperation. Bath was DP's job, now he's responsible for most of the meals and I send them out every weekend for a couple of hours alone. He could do more, but he's both a bit less sure than I and a bit more lazy.
When dd was real young, probably the same age as your little one, she would only want mummy for settling ... Then she grew out of it. Sometimes though she still wants mummy. All depends on what she's crying about. She usually wants daddy for fun, and mummy for the boo boo's and sickness.
Same here and yes DH did find it hard but... if you can bear it let him deal with the whinging, give him everything you would use - dummy if you use one mybe bottle or cup of EBM or formula and go. let them figure out their own settling routine without mummy being there. I did this with DD and they have a fantastic relationship now, in fact he became bedtime daddy which frees me up in the evenings!
Yep, had the same thing here with mine when she was little!! It frustrated me no end because nobody could settle her but me, and half the time I was so exhausted from settling her all day long that I just wanted DH to take her go away somewhere hahah
My mum said it was because DD could 'smell the milk' on me and that's why she always preferred me, even though she was formula-fed (I expressed for the first six weeks but even after that she still wanted mummy).
I also tend to think (sorry blokes!) that babies just cling more to their mothers as it's an instinctual thing... women who have that instant bond with their babies (and I know this is a generalisation and not always the case) just seem to have that 'knack' for settling little ones, whereas hard as dad might try, he just doesn't quite have that natural ability, kwim?? DD would usually settle quite easily for my mum, too, so I suppose it might just be a female thing.
It might be a nervous thing, too - the last time DH was around babies before DD arrived was when his little brother was born (and DH was 7), so he had no idea what to do and was afraid of breaking her, etc... most men who don't have much experience around babies are terrified of them and babies pick up on that!!
My advice is just to stick with it. Either bub will grow out of it, or your DH will pick up the little tricks that he hasn't yet, and it will be fine. Don't let him get discouraged!! It is so natural and so normal for babies of that age to want mummy all the time, I can understand how disheartening it would be, as a parent, to see that your child only wants the other parent, but to give up now will do nobody any favours.
Just try to encourage as much contact between bub and DH as possible, even if DS is having a cry, just let dad figure out of his own accord how to settle him (it never hurts to share whatever tips you've learned along the way, like, 'He likes his bum being patted' or 'try laying him over your lap instead of cradling him', whatever you do to settle DS, get DH to try), and hopefully things will get better soon. If he can help with feeding, give that a go (eg express some milk if he's bf'd, or share bottle feeds if he's ff'ed) - the food source is always the 'favourite' in the house lol
And obviously all the other jobs that can be shared, don't hesitate - bathing is a great way to get them to bond while you benefit from a few minutes of peace!!
Just assure your DH that it is totally normal for bubs to prefer mum at this age, and that he should grow out of it soon. My little one is 20 months now and absolutely ADORES her dad, follows him around like a bad smell and cries when he goes to work or leaves the house without her hahaha... mum's just boring old meanie-bum, dad is her favourite person ever. It does get better!! As Kirsty_Lee says, the kids will tend to look to dad for fun, and mum for comfort, so encourage DH to 'play' as much as possible and things should start looking up soon
This is really upsetting my DH
Reply With Quote) and even now at three she's never looking for Daddy when she's upset. Not even when she's in trouble with me! I used to give DP (and still do) other jobs that make him feel useful without needing bubs' cooperation. Bath was DP's job, now he's responsible for most of the meals and I send them out every weekend for a couple of hours alone. He could do more, but he's both a bit less sure than I and a bit more lazy.
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