how do you get your baby to self settle?

[Peach*]

I read today that when you rock or feed your baby to sleep it can be a bad habit, as it makes it harder for them to get back to sleep, because when they wake they don't know how to settle themselves. Is this true?

We are having a bit of trouble with bubs... after getting her to sleep she wakes as soon as you put her down, just wondering if anyone has any tips?

Thank you!

[fionas]

We did it very, very gradually.

I heard the same as you that rocking to sleep can make it harder for them to settle themselves. So I only rocked until she was sleepy and closing her eyes, not asleep as such.

I did that at every sleep for about four days. It was trial and error. Often she would look sleepy after a lot of rocking so I would put her down and she would start crying again. I just perservered. Did more rocking and again would try to put her down sleepy but not asleep. Sometimes it took up to 45 mins per sleep and those four days were really, really tiring. If, after a few goes she still didn't sleep, I'd get her up again. It was really tempting to rock her until she was asleep because it would have been far easier to do that but I was too paranoid that WOULD create bad habits. I also reassured her with lots of verbal stuff, "sleepy time now" times oh, about a thousand.

But it did work. After those four days, she was a truly excellent sleeper and I only had to rock her for a few minutes before putting her down. She was also really good at getting herself back to sleep during the night. I'd often hear her wake up (she slept in our room) and I'd just call out "sleepy time now sweetie" and I'd hear her sigh and shuffle around a bit and then go back to sleep.

Over the months, I could gradually put her down with less rocking and then just with her fluffy blanky.

She didn't truly self-settle until she was about 8 months old but it just got easier and easier.

I think just take baby steps. But I do believe that it's best to put them down sleepy and content rather than fully asleep.

[Glamourcide]

This is one of those tricky things that is so individual for each parent *and* each baby. As a parent, I suppose you have to weigh up whether you can cope with the constant waking/settling cycle, or take measures to help baby self-settle, however painful the process of establishing it is!
Don't panic about feeding/rocking/patting bub to sleep - yes, it can be 'habit-forming', but habits are never set in stone and can be broken with a little effort and trying out different methods.

I personally found that a dummy helped DD self-settle, and doing things like rocking/patting her to sleep, then placing her beside me in the bed so she could feel that I was still there and eventually she learned that she didn't need the rocking/patting bit to help her sleep - she could then fall asleep in my arms or lying next to me, and then we worked up to the next step of getting her to fall asleep in her bassinette (next to my bed instead of in with me).

I'm sorry I can't offer much advice for your individual situation (a, you know better what works for you and often trial and error is the best way to find this out; and b, I'm pretty sure some of my methods could be seen as not part of 'gentle' parenting, so I don't want to go much into it in case I'm breaching the rules of this forum ). Hopefully some more experienced mums can offer some useful tips for you that you will find helpful Best of luck, I hope you and baby are able to find a gentle solution that works for you both!

[Salsa]

She was also really good at getting herself back to sleep during the night. I'd often hear her wake up (she slept in our room) and I'd just call out "sleepy time now sweetie" and I'd hear her sigh and shuffle around a bit and then go back to sleep.

.

ahh - that is so cute!

[Glamourcide]

^ Lol yeah I was going to say that too, the little 'sigh and shuffle' gets me every time hahaha I love it when DD does that, it gives me that gooey feeling

[MummyTummy]

Jords, I think there is no such thing as a 'bad habit' at your baby's age. She is far too young and she has far too many mental and developmental milestones to go through yet, and each time she does it will upset everything!! There is nothing wrong with taking the path of least resistance at the moment. In saying that I remember thinking the same thing when Jett was the same age, but no, nothing stayed the same and no bad habits have been formed yet!!

As for putting her down and her waking up, it may be a physical evironment thing. Eg. If you are putting her down from being warm, snug and cosy in your arms in to a bed with cold sheets that would be enough to wake anyone up. If you have cotton sheets, maybe try flanelette? It may also be a space thing, you are cuddling her close and then you put her down, to her it could be in the middle of space IYKWIM. She doesn't have that contact with you anymore so suddenly feels alone. I used to put a firm hand over Jett's belly until he resettled when I put him down, seemed to work for him.

Goodluck!